Advice Time. How To Get My Wife To Visit Her Brother In Prison?

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by letsmokeasweet, May 28, 2013.

  1. so i have been locked up before and i know how it feels to be away from home for a somewhat long my brother in laws case it is for 6 yrs.  hes been locked up for almost 3 yrs now.
      i been trying to get my wife to communicate with him by writing him, but i know she is lazy, she is mad at him, we got 2 kids and hardly any quiet time, and here we are three yrs later. i want to write him, but i feel i will be disrespectful to my wife and bros relationship, and stepping on her toes, plus me and her brother dont really have a relationship
    for the last two yrs hes been in north tx, a 6 hr drive away. i just checked on him on the tdc website and it is saying he was moved to a place about an hr away
    i want to go visit him. i always try and visit any of my freinds when they are in jail.
    i have no valid id. and warrents in 3 differnt countys in this state. they are only class c mis warrents, but they can still detain me if they i cant risk that
    so how do i convince my wife to go visit him? she will use any excuse she can, but i feel it is important for her to be there somewhat for her brother
    i understand being away. plus he will be out soon, and i know he wil have some type of resentment when he gets out.
    anyone else been in the same boat? thanks all

  2. Sometimes it's hard to visit family in jail. My mom was in jail for 4 years, visitin her broke my heart. Is she angry with him for being there, like the reason he's there...?
  3. I don't know your situation but this is how I see it. He put himself in jail. Not her. Unfortunately I'm sure it sucks to be in jail but he left her alone with two kids to take care of because he was doing whatever. He got 6 years so it doesn't sound pety.

    If anyone has resentment, it should be her because now she has to hold it down by herself.

    I feel you though. As his wife, she should be by his side and writing him every day and sending pictures and seeing him when she can.

    She probably feels abandoned. Before you try and push her to do this or that, talk to her about her feelings.

    Be like sis, what's up? You haven't written tommy or seen tommy since he's been locked up. Whats going on?

    Find out how she feels and then proceed with caution from there. I understand your concern because you've been there and done that but it sounds like she's hurt and probably more than just lazy.
  4. I think you misread it bro. OP is the husband, and the dude in jail is OPs wife's brother. 
    But anyways, I don't understand why people won't visit family in jail. Yeah it's heartbreaking to see them in there. Been in that position before.
     But it's worse for them  being in there, they have to put up with shit in there that most of us don't understand. It's always nice to see a face you can trust while being in a shitty old jail, with absolutely nobody to trust in there. 
    I always try to visit my friends/family in there. Yeah, what they did might be wrong but they are still my family/friends who I've expirienced many great times in life with. 
  5. That's why I always went to see my ma anyway. Unless they're in there for something so disgusting you can't face them, you should always visit & write. I always wrote as much as possible to my friends in jail (didn't really have time to visit or too far away) because I hated that they were in there.
  6. LOL, dude please, anybody who's done time always wants to hear from somebody else who has done time, a letter would go a long way i imagine however just remember, positive or negative, there will be consequences, such as him turning to you for help when he gets out, etc. etc. 
    I know that sounds shallow but alot of us aren't in a position to help these people and will end up hurting ourselves in the long run. 
  7. #7 Exodromos, May 29, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: May 29, 2013
    Even if they've fucked up pretty long as they show remorse for their actions then I'm still there for them to help them better themselves. You can't fix your problem while your locked up when you think everyone hates you, forgot about you, or given up on you. Like personally, I would probably give up and not give a damn about what I put myself through then if I felt that.
    I was put in a messed up position last year, my one friend who didn't know the victim, but the victim was also a friend of mine, ended up in a bad situation. Drinking and driving resulting in death. Really was a screwed up time. I was angry at my one friend responsible for it, but he showed remorse. So I didn't give up on him.
    Everyone makes mistakes. Yeah, it really hurts losing a friend. But he actually turned himself in, despite police not knowing who did it at the time. So, in situations like this...I will still stand by my friend, even though he also hurt me at the same time.
    But, how is anyone suppose to become a better person and change their lives if the people they cared and loved the most don't give a damn about them anymore. Yes, people make mistakes. Some bigger than others, but damn, please nobody ever give up on someone you loved. They can change, but they can't do it without our support from the outside!
  8. I have two brothers in prison for murder. It kills me. I miss my brothers. They aren't bad people. I've grown up with them. One of my brothers helped me with my math homework and babysat me as a kid when my mom was working.

    Shit happens. I'm not saying it doesn't. I'm not saying that they don't need support. All I'm saying is that people have reasons behind not doing certain things and it's best to have a conversation with them and see what's going on in their brain instead of jumping on them for not supporting whoever.

    And my other point still stands. I know that it's fucking rough out there and shit happens but if you out yourself in that position,and get locked up, it's no one else's time to do but your own. Support from the outside is great but if someone cuts ties with a loved one, or if they don't always write or whatever, you can't blame them for abandonment when they could have chosen a different path in life and be still walking the streets.
  9. #9 Exodromos, May 29, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: May 29, 2013
    Yeah I understand what your saying.
    But, how is a person suppose to make themselves a better person if everyone just gives up on them. Thats when they become lifers in the prison system. Like, If they dont show remorse for their mistakes, then by all means yeah..if you feel the need to cut ties then do so. 
    I know, personally, too many people who have given up on someone just because they fucked up and ended up in the big house, though that said person has showed remorse, and actually wants to better themselves, but that person in jail ends up giving up on themselves after feeling forgotten, abandoned and stuff.
    But I do understand what your saying man. Its really a shitty situation on all parties involved, victims and their family and the Perpetrator and their family. 
  10. Unfortunately it's no ones responsibility to make someone a better person but their own. It helps tremendously if you have support but you can't be like, my family gave up on me so I'm going to just stop giving a fuck and not evolve and not learn anything from prison.

    It's up to the individual to want to change. A lot of families probably begged and pleaded for these guys to stay of of the streets and to get right but they don't and they get locked up.

    Then they're writing home and expecting an influx of letters when mom and dad or wife is dealing with what could have been prevented.

    I really don't know that to say. I think that we both are sort of on the same page. You're just looking at it from personal experience and I'm looking at it from the outside looking in:

    Bottom line, families should be supportive.
  11. Yeah man, I really do understand what your saying. Its really tough on everyone when someone gets locked up man. 
    It just sucks being forgotten about. Not knowing what your going to go to when you get released, if thats a possibility at all. Your future looks pretty dull when you have no family or friends to turn to, only yourself. Basically have to start all over when nobodies left standing with you.
    From what my friends on the inside have told me, they had felt like a lost cause up until people showed they still cared. Like, it was hard to want to do better when they have almost nothing to look forward too. After they realized that they arent hopeless it made it easier for them to want to do better. Its hard to look up when theres not much to be positive about in there when your alone. Like most of my friends know they fucked up, and most people I know want to do better, but they wouldnt really have anything to look forward to when they get out if everyone left them when they got locked up.
    Its not like you can trust anyone on the inside. If you have at least 1 person that still cares about you from the outside, it makes it a little bit easier to want to better yourself. 
    Yeah, I kind of do agree that its ultimately up to the person to want to better them self. But damn, its hard to look up when everythings got you down. Thats why I try to visit my buddies in there, as long as they showed remorse. Otherwise I would just stop talking to them, which Ive also done before. 
    Sorry if this seemed like it was rambling on. 
  12. This is actually an awesome topic for me, I'm currently going to school for criminal psychology and mainly focus on killers, preferably serial but I like them all.

    Don't hate your brothers for what they did, I don't know the details of their crimes, but even the most vicious killers are so fragile inside. Typically when one kills, they don't understand the same concepts you do from right and wrong. Most of these people also can give you an explanation as to why the crime they committed wasn't even wrong. So, these people need support like you said, and they need people there for them and these people need to understand, the mind of a criminal works differently, while you can't rationalize these crimes, they can. Then you have people that did something like said, hit someone drunk, that's something that's tricky because they knew damn well what they were doing, but also remember that we all make mistakes and sometimes the mistakes are bigger than others. Everyone needs support, the good and the bad. That's why I chose the career I want. I want to be there for those people and understand them unlike the people around them. :/
  13. man, family is family. you should stick by them no matter what they're in jail for. especially a brother. anyway, you can't make her go if she doesnt want to. the best thing you can do is explain that you know how lonely her brother feels and how much it'll mean to him to have her visit. explain to her that you've been in that position and you know how he feels
  14. #14 mandrin13, May 30, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: May 30, 2013
    Cover yourself in a tatoo map Rob a bank but let yourself get caught. Go to jail where your brother in law is being held, break him out. Its win win, if hes not free she will have to visit him when she visits you

    If plan fails sue fox tv for making such a shitty show. .
  15. you're a good writer dude.
    yea i thought about whats gona happen afterwards, and for him anyways, if i was in a position to help, i would.   but he knows i dont do to great and he didnt ask for anything...i hate people who are always asking me for shit
    so im sure he wouldnt do that. besides i still owe him two favers anyways lol
    riiight im not goign to turn my back on him, just becaus eof what he did.  that is his problem with that person, their business, u know.
    im more worried if he officaly joined a gang. for example, houstone is getting really big and he is the perfect candate for them, they are cool tho. u get to do ur own thing. but i just hope when he gets out he can move on and enjoy life and not be held down by the system
    yea it was a female that got him in trouble. she may not be 100% at faut, but he was doing fine before the chick. she came into the picture and lets just say, whenever you wanna fuck someone up, throw a female at them.

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