http://strugglingsingletwentysomething.blogspot.com/2012/07/how-not-to-be-snob.html thought this was a good read. lately, i've noticed i obsess over the incompetence of people. the complete lack of empathy and blatant selfishness i see in adults is baffling to me. i'm an art teacher, mainly working with K-2nd grade. it amazes me everyday how thoughtful these kids are to each other, and somewhere along the lines, they're taught that the world revolves around them and only them. i grew up in japan, so i thought i was just going through culture shock. then i decided to move to australia for a bit and i met a lot of people from various countries. south africa, s. korea, malaysia, india, kenya, germany, turkey, blah blah blah. and come to find out...it just the US! i mean, sure every country has their problems...but i'm focusing more on social interactions that occur on a smaller scale; like those between "friends" or family members. or hell, even coworkers or customers. anybody else NOT offended and willing to discuss this???
that's fair.... but instead of pointing the finger and saying "they do it toooo!", i'd like to explore reasons as to why WE do it. i think its important to take responsibility for what IS happening, instead of avoiding a solution and moving the focus to something else.
We need snobs to criticize everyone. If not, we'd live in a world where people actually think it's okay to like The Big Bang Theory and Brian Adams. Gross. Also, OP, you come off as a huge snob yourself.
It started with giving trophies in little league and soccer (even not keeping score) whether they do well or not so every kid feels special, without having to work for their reward . It should have stayed "those who work harder and try their best to contribute (on the team, then eventually society) get the most rewards IMO. Meh what do I know, don't even like team sports. I just volunteered for my kids. Also those Army commercials "army of one", was it Nike(?) "this world is mine" etc... Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I think it is part of a defense mechanism that is common in today's society. People now look at sympathy and caring for others as a weakness and something that makes one look delicate. However, to me it seems that empathy actually shows greater general intelligence and awareness for the world around us. People who put a wall between them and others (either physically though body language or verbally through their speech) are not only missing out on what's going on in the world around them, but they are also silencing a part of themselves that is very human and should not be neglected. Humility is not in most people's vocabularies these days. People are just fucking clueless really.... sucks for those of us who actually do put mental effort into the well being of other people only to never get a mutual return, or worse, get shit on for trying to help.
I think at an early age a model , their parents or someone they look up to or as an authority figure demonstrated and/or taught them how to behave in a situation. Such as when it comes to matter of an issue , depending how serious , you should give more support for a relative compared to laters like first , immediate family like brother sister and parents , compared to , vousins and uncle and aunt , then the 2nd and 3rd then to infinite of them.
so happy to hear someone thinks the "everybody's a winner" method has a lot to do with this! WELL SAID. humility is definitely key here. what a great word!
I see what you're saying, but for me, it kinda misses the mark. Rewarding hard work is just as much a lie as rewarding everyone equally. Does the world always reward hard work? Does training for your whole life to be an Olympic athlete mean that you definitely won't get hit by a bus the morning before your big race and be paralyzed for life? Does doing hard, physical labor out in the strawberry fields for 20 years of your life reward you with anything but a fucked up back and (if you're lucky) just enough money to keep yourself alive? Does trying everything you can think of to keep your marriage together mean that you're both going to feel that love you once did? I think the problem that we face, as a society and as a species, is that our expectations are just way too high. We've all forgotten that life fucking sucks sometimes and it's supposed to be that way. You're not supposed to be comfortable all the time. You're not supposed to get rewarded for your work in a way that is directly proportional to the amount of effort you've put in. You're not supposed to get along perfectly with everyone. If you can get over this at a young age, and learn to accept that the world is never going to be tailor-made to suit your needs - that sometimes things are going to painful - then I think you're in a much better position than most of us.
Yup no guarantees, but if you do your best at whatever you do you'll be in a much better position to take advantage of opportunities if and when they do come, rather than rely on others to take care of you (not just talking about work, personal hobbies too). If there is no chance of reward, and everyone was the same, what would be the motivation for anyone to do anything? Sounds like socialism. I've been (and still going through) my share of pain (divorce, injuries, layoff, family illnesses)- all at the same time and it near devastated me. Then I got back to the simple truth that all we have is the present moment. Tomorrow's not guaranteed. I couldn't even be in the moment until I let the past go (ongoing effort). Competition is healthy (the kind of competition where we push each other, not the kind where the goal is to eliminate). Without it we wouldn't have the technological and medical advances we have today. Take away people's motivation, then we stagnate and eventually go backwards IMO. About the strawberry picker..he's busting his butt! This is a generalization, but most of those people come here from another country where the wages are much lower, and send the money back home. That in itself is noble and a success. He's doing what he can to provide for his family. That's more than what many do here. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Let's be clear here. No one said anything about "no chance of reward." Inaction guarantees no reward. Action guarantees only chance of reward. There is a big difference between that and what you're suggesting I said.
[quote name="Meursault" post="18405187" timestamp="1374777806"]Let's be clear here. No one said anything about "no chance of reward." Inaction guarantees no reward. Action guarantees only chance of reward. There is a big difference between that and what you're suggesting I said.[/quote]Agree on that kinda my point..Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I see that in the middle of your post.....I guess it's just the rest that threw me lol. Anyhow, I think to really flesh out this notion further, we've got to consider that rewards that do come from inaction are not really rewards because they create guilt and that action spurred by wrong intent creates no chance of reward, for similar reasons. But now we're getting into shakier, more personal territory.
i like where this is going! its just so refreshing to hear that people recognize that "rewards" have become our crutch. i tried to bring this point up during one of my philosophy classes back in college when we were going over utilitarianism. i proposed to forget about "increasing the greater good," and suggested focusing more on "lessening the greatest bad." in other words, i disagreed with everyone in class who found no problems with j. bethamm & j.s. mill's theory. i still believe that people are better off not expecting to be rewarded. we should just do things so other bad shit doesn't happen, while still accepting that you can't eliminate every aversion. to me, that's a reward in itself, and that's how rewards should be perceived. on a bio-psychological level, the constant increase of dopamine for large rewards, increases the amount of dopamine needed to feel the effect. meaning, small rewards just don't make you feel good. and if you don't feel good, something's wrong. its kind of like increasing your drug dosage and tolerance. does that make sense? hahaha and think about how technology has reinforced instant gratification. almost everything in our world is controlled with a button. we can stop things when we want; press play when we're ready. texting allows us to delay speaking to people when we don't "feel like it" or when we're too busy. smartphones have literally put the internet wherever we go (****i feel this also ties into the original article; people think they're experts because they can research anything on the go), allowing us to "search" any question one may have. which, to me, incredibly hinders people-to-people communication. whatever happened to just talking about stuff for hours? all of these new habits seem to create less patience among people. when's the last time you walked into a waiting room and saw people actually waiting patiently without burying themselves in their phones? think about the last time you went out to dinner. do you notice how many people play on their phones while waiting for their orders instead of entertaining each other?? i'm guilty of this...i just try to remember that its okay to not be so attached to my phone. i purposely leave my phone at home sometimes. you wouldn't believe how much shit i get from that. haha. people act like i left my baby at home alone lol. instant gratification seems to reinforce the fallacy of guaranteed rewards.
It's individualism v collectivism. In an individualistic culture the self and their own identity is what is most important. Being a 'snob' is just ones way to express their uniqueness/personality. I think the blog post sucked. I enjoy snobs, just not the ones who disagree with me. They are assholes.
Yes, exactly. There are many interactions in life that go unrewarded and if people begin to see these as non-events then they become treated as such and everyone who is involved suffers because of that. Did opening that door for somebody bring you something in return? No, not directly - but it made things easier for that person and made foot traffic in the area more fluid, so of course their is an inherent 'reward' for those affected by your actions. If you flip that scenario and you don't open the door for somebody then you are just impeding foot traffic and not really helping anybody, thereby negatively contributing to the situation. So yes, I agree - it makes sense for people to generally do the right thing and not expect to get a reward because positive behavior and interaction is already its own 'economy' in a sense.
Yes, doing something good should be done for its own sake, because it feels good to do good, not because it will illicit some kind of reward.