Awhile back ago I hooked up my friend with an ex-boyfriend from when I was 13. I didnt think it would ever evolve into a relationship. He has always been known to cheat on his girlfriends also. They have been together for probably like 6 months or so now and have moved into an apartment together. She is only 18 and has a 1 year old daughter too. She has been supporting this guy for months because he wont keep a job. He doesnt like me and forbids her to see me or talk to me. She has told me that he is like this with most ofher friends and that he wont let her wear makeup or any tight clothes or anything like that. She also has told me that he has hit her and told her that he would kill her if she cheated on him. She told me that she loved him and didnt want to leave him. But today I talked to her and she told me that she doesnt want to be with him anymore but she is afraid to leave him. I know how he is and I know that he would hurt her if she tried to leave him. She said he tried to strangle her today. And she said that all she can think about anymore is killing him. She said she pulled a knife on him last night because she got a call from a girl who said that he slept with her in their bed. She says that if he does it again she is going to kill him because she doesnt want him to do it to any other girls. SHe doesnt care what could happen to her. She is really serious about it and I could tell that she was about to start crying. I feel really bad for her and don't know what to do. I want to help her but I dont know how. Can I do anything to help her? I think the only way she is going to get away from him - SAFELY is to get the cops involved. I just really wantto help her... please tell me anything you know that I could do.
get the cops involved....nobody likes pigs intruding in their space, but if she wants to get out of this abusive relationship it may be her only safe option....and she needs to know that although his threats may not be idle, shes much more in harms way by NOT saying anything out of fear than by getting authorities involved.....do the right thing and help her out, find a local abuse hotline or anything you think may help..because it WILL help
ya nubbin is right, bu that sucks for your friend.. i feel bad for her! i hate it when guys hit on girls! its just wrong. if i were you, i would help her leave him or get some more support, or something. sorry just take nubbin's advice.
so should i call an abuse hotline? does anyone know how this works? what do they do to make sure it stops? and can you stay anonymous?
I agree with Vatoloco...a restraining order would be best. I was stupid enough to be in a relationship when I was younger that was abusive so I know that cops won't do shit unless there is proof of abuse. After that relationship and an incident where I was jumped, I went and got trained in self-defense just in case I ever needed to protect myself. Talk her into getting a restraining order...she has a kid and that should be her first priority above anything else. If he'll abuse her, then he'll abuse her kid. Good luck...shit like this can be hard and she'll still need to keep an eye out after she obtains the restraining order because some guys could give a rat's ass about an order against them. Also tell her that going after him with a knife and such will only make things worse and if she were to kill him then who would take care of her daughter?...and if she were to try and fail, she could wind up dead and her daughter could be without a mother.
another important thing to do is move away. the police thing will proly make him mad. i dont how many times we see this. abusive husband wants revenge. goto a womens safe house or move in with family. shes gottta get help from another man. either a friend or family so if this guy trys to start shit her male friend/family can help. my cousin had a prob with her boyfriend and all my uncles and her dad stepped up and the guy never bothered her again. SO PLZ GET SOME HELP BEFORE THINGS GET OUT OF HAND.
get the cops involved and have her stay at your place. Get some form of weapon( preferably a gun) and if the boyfriend comes and busts down your door to come and beat up your friend shoot him afew times (dont kill him, just try to paralize him, shall we say, neck down?). If you do that, call the cops and tell them someone broke into your house and you shot them. when the cops get there they cant arrest you or charge you with anything 'cause it was self defence and he was breaking and entering. I know its not a very good idea, but thats what i would do.
cops can only help soo much and they cant be around 24/7. gotta get better protection than that. and do you think you can live with the fact that you took someones life when it can be resolved in some other way? unless he is going to take your life and the only way to live is to take his first.
See thats why I said Paralize Him. He wouldnt have much of a life but you wouldnt go to jail for murder.
It that guy's crazed enough to go after her, and bust down the door and stuff, he deserves to be paralyzed... serves him right. jeeze. he should just kill himself.
good advice from everyone (almost...* hippie john, what are u thinkin mate) especially vatloco for bringing up restraining order. this is definately the type of thing that needs the help of the legal system etc. and since it does seem quite a dire situation, the cops (as generally less usefull than they should be) are going to be involved in some way. did that guy realise he was acting like one of the taliban!? *hey, that's just li'l pasaphyst me... potentially lethal force isnt the answer. consequences galore. not everyone is such a good shot for example. but like hippie john and rumjil said, defending yourself is a good idea ... may i recomend a tazer. i'm sure there are other forms of non lethal instant incapacitation available too. maybe get a weedinator good luck to you and your friend, sarahsweetie.
thank you so much for all the help. i am really going to try and help her. but now i have an even bigger problem. i am in a rut in life with no friends besides the one that i cant talk to and i really really really need someone to talk to at this time. all i am going to say on here is that my boyfriend has had some things show up on him and i looked it up on the net but didnt find anything os we figured it wasn't anything to worry about. but last night we were looking at a big medical book and i found something that fit his problem perfectly and it was the worst possible thing it could have been. he is a strong guy who is never worried about stuff and is always cool and collected but for the first time ever i am seeing him act as never before. he wont even talk hardly, he says he cant stop thinking about it, i seen that he is shaking really bad, and when we woke up today the first thing he said to me is "im scared". i never thought i would hear this from him and i have always needed him to be strong for me and now he isn't and i don't know what to do. i need to be strong now and i hold back tears in front of him because i dont want him to see me crying about it. he is at his parents house right now telling them about it and asking if they can help him out wuth payments because he doesnt have insurance and it almost definately is going to need surgery. i just want someone who is really caring to talk to. if anyone will talk to me about this PLEASE send me a private message or instant message me on: ICQ - 164903574 MSN - sarah_sweetie77 Yahoo - sarah_sweetie420 Please I need someone to talk to so bad
yes, you need police intervention. it sounds like very serious stuff. think about the long run...it won't be so bad if you get the law involved. you just might save a few lives.
get a double barrel twelve guage pump shotty.... i got one next to my bed right now... it has an illegal 50 shot clip..
hey i really would recommend getting a restraining order put against him like vatoloco said...when would this be advisable? NOW...(well since its midnight wait until the morning) then go get it (not sure how to obtain one bc i never had to).....if you wait...she can get even more hurt (maybe killed) and her son could hurt also (or killed)...so if you care about your friend act now..(or tommorow really....)