A Question

Discussion in 'Philosophy' started by thabosshogg, May 15, 2011.

  1. #1 thabosshogg, May 15, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: May 15, 2011
    I've noticed that the more I go down this path the more there seems to be a space between my awareness/consciousness (self, "I") from my body and my mind.

    Does anyone else feel this way? It is ever so slight, and I can't even describe it properly because I can't define "awareness" or "consciousness", as both are formless, at least in our perception.

    At times I feel like everything around me is contained within my self, within my awareness...I can actually make myself feel this way just by focusing within beyond my confines of mind and body. I can truly feel myself as awareness if I focus on it... but I can't describe it.... it's almost like "I" simply becomes the space in which my whole experience is contained. The rest of the time I simply feel like my mind and body but I also feel like there is a space between my true self and my physical vehicle.

    The reason I ask this is a lot of the feelings I am having would probably be called "depersonalization" by many who don't understand things in a similar way that I do. In fact I had dpd a few years back due to too many psychedelics and I was an athiest, with no idea who I was, why I was here, where "I" existed, etc... it was terrible.

    However I have a theory that DPD is simply being thrown into a state of "enlightened detachment", without the "enlightened" part. In other words people with dpd are thrown into a state of "seperation" from their mind and body similar to that of enlightenment, while they are still indentified solely with their physical form and their thought patterns....

    The primary difference being that an enlightened person understands his true identity as awareness and in fact, while feeling non-identified with the mind and body identity, feels identified with his entire existence, while a person with dpd detaches without having any knowledge of self as awareness or spirit.... thus they enter a state of despair and confusion, because they still think they are their thoughts, but they feel seperated from their very self.

    Thus, the same detachment exists, but the enlightened person understands his true self behind this detachment and thus is able to see that he is in fact intricately connected and one with all of existence.

    Thoughts? I am interested to see if any of you feel the way I described myself feeling in the first three paragraphs....

    If none of you feel any of the things I described, please tell me, because in that case obviously I am doing something wrong lol...
  2. At times I have felt this way, I believe I'm getting closer and closer to being able to harness this feeling of "enlightened detachment" during my waking life.

    Oh how I long for the day we will all be free from these human chains, although at times the ordinary is so... extraordinary.

    If we never went through hardships, we would never be able to experience relief.

    The greater the turmoil, the greater the relief.

    And, what is better than relief?

  3. I just realised that detachment is a bad word to use, because enlightenment, while initially involving detachment from egoic identity.... is ultimately an expansion of self, not a detachment from "everything else"....

    So I guess in reality it is only the same as dpd in that it involves detachment from that egoic identity (identity of self as ONLY one's mind/body functions).... but while dpd stops at that detachment... enlightenment moves on past the detachment to include everything within self... including the egoic identity.
  4. #4 Kardredor, May 15, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: May 15, 2011
    I think this is exactly what I experienced 2 months ago.

    Basically, I smoked a bowl and came back inside and started playing guitar. Well, I guess I just got in the zone because I started playing incredibly. Probably like 15 minutes after having smoked I just suddenly started to feel ridiculously aware. I had this mental clarity instilled into me that I was everything and everything was me.

    Now, the thing is I think I was attached to my thoughts and my identity too much because I got really anxious, and I basically felt the lowest I've ever felt. It felt like existence was just a dream and everyone was a fake image of me, was the loneliest feeling I've ever had. I wasn't really able to make sense of it until a few days after. Which, when I sat down to write about it some pretty profound shit intuitively came to me, like existence's motives for being, and things like that.

    The whole thing lasted for like 2 hours, and then I calmed down enough to where I was able to fall asleep. I'm thinking I experienced satori or kensho or one of those things, but I was attached to my identity, and it was an experience to say the least. Looking back, I had a bad trip the last time I took LSD and it was pretty similar, felt like I was in limbo or something crazy like that.
  5. What would happen if you let this feeling go while meditating? Let it go.
  6. #6 thabosshogg, May 15, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: May 15, 2011

    The bolded part is word for word what happened to me about 2 years ago....after taking too many dissociatives (ketamine, dxm) on a regular basis for months on end.

    I don't know if this is what you felt but also it felt like my whole life was just an absurd movie and I had to watch the movie through the main character's eyes. I talked to another guy who I did K with and he said the exact same thing happened to him, he would look in the mirror and not identify at all with the guy he was looking at.

    Except it lasted for 3 months.... nonstop, all the time, that is what I felt like.
  7. I know how you feel boss. I did DXM for a month straight. Very odd feeling while "sober" and definitely while high. Felt like I was just a lost soul floating in the matrix.
  8. I've had both experiences you are talking about.

    I had depersonalization before I got into spirituality and all that. I had never even thought about life really and how mysterious it is. But when I got this depersonalization it was absolutely insane. I would look at everything and it was like nothing was real. I would look at things around me and it literally felt like I didn't exist, like everything was some sort of illusion. And this was before any research or in depth thoughts about reality. It just hit me one day like some sort of tidal wave. I remember I googled "Nothing feels real" and "I feel like I dont exist". That was the best thing I could think of to google. I found some stuff on depersonalization and it fit me exactly. I started freaking out thinking I was some sort of delusional, insane person. I knew what I felt seemed like it was right, but I just told myself the feelings I had were just all in my head and I was being crazy.

    After a couple weeks it kinda went away after I took a little break from weed.

    Now that I look back on it I know exactly what it was. For some reason I was just jolted with an awareness. Maybe it was a reminder to myself or something. Maybe to help me awaken...idk.

    Since I've started getting into spirituality and all this I've had many moments like I did when my depersonalization happened. I think the first time it happened just seemed so more intense because my mind didn't have all these spiritual concepts in it and it hit me harder.

    The only difference with the experiences between now and then is that these moments only last for a very brief time now. I'll be meditating or just sometimes I'll just be laying down and observing reality and I'll get these moments of awareness and I feel amazing when it happens. I feel like my mind dissipates and I just connect with everything. My sense of self is taken away and I reconnect with everything. But again this will only last for a little while, like a couple minutes or a half hour or maybe a couple hours sometimes. Back when this happened at first, it lasted almost non stop for roughly a week and a half.

    So yea I can relate Boss...it feels good to talk about my past experiences.

  9. Yep this is exactly what happened to me besides I got it only from smoking weed.

  10. Yeah man... it was the wierdest sober experience I've had. Dissociatives are just strange drugs in general....all my experiences with them have been incredibly strange and oftentimes confusing (and sometimes hilarious).
  11. lol...I take it from non reply to my question you find that it holds no meaning.....<shrug>

    You will always reconnect unless you are doing some crazy mind drug, which is a false way of obtaining this state....You should go where it takes you unless you think/feel you arent ready for it. Its just BEING.
  12. Thats what freaked me out sometimes. If I started laughing, I literally couldn't stop. After like 10 seconds, I'd think "why am I laughing?" But I'd still laugh for another minute. lol. Shit makes you crazy man..

  13. Your story fits my own word for word, outside of mine being spurred on by dissociatives.. It feels so great to see other cool people here have had similar experiences. I had that exact same "google search experience" lol.... I saw that the description fit mine word for word and I was like :eek: :(. Especially since people are always like "There is no cure, I have had it for 15 years and nothing helps". I actually didn't have to do anything for mind to go away.... it just went on its own as time passed, even though it took a while.

    I feel terrible for people who have it as a natural "disorder", and who spend their whole lives with it and without any understanding of what is happening to them. I was watching this video of this girl who has it talking about how terrible it was, she was crying saying she felt like she was high all the time and didn't want to, and that she had no idea who she was, and that her life was like a strange dream that she wanted to escape, and it made me so sad.

    But yeah man.... often times when I meditate, or especially right afterwards when I open my eyes and look at the world around me, I get sensations of limitless self similar to ones I got back then, but as you said instead of being a negative sensation it is very much a positive one.
  14. Sorry lol, I was trying to figure out what you meant by this "feeling".... I will just assume you mean the feeling of oneness as well as of increased identification with awareness, and space between awareness and mind/body.

    When I meditate, "letting go" is precisely what I do... I focus on my breath and let go, and that is how this feeling is usually brought about. Since I meditate 3-4 times a day it usually stays with me throughout the day... not always strongly but it is always there nonetheless. It's getting to the point where it stays with me even without meditation...

    Could you elaborate on that second part? I am sorry but I can't grasp what you are trying to say.
  15. I had two 'grab the powerline experiences'. Which are insane, they're brought on usually due to sleep deprivation. Its thought after thought, idea after idea, reasoning with reasoning. Getting nowhere but, thinking you are getting everywhere. Thinking back it was REALLY intense both times.

  16. Yea when I had it at first I was so confused and was really scared. I feel for the people like the girl you described...it wouldn't be pleasant at all having that for several years and not understanding what was going on.

  17. I was referring to the what you were saying about disassociation.....the objective observer, unless you have a reservation about going there with yourself

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