An antithesis, this dreadfulness Extreme supremity feeds bliss Your scary adversary amiss An undefined mind defines this Remain disdainful brain, surmise Randomly, nullity may normalize Truth, confused, spews dubious lies A mind, confined, bears no surprise And now, somehow, doubtful, you stand How much to touch without a hand? Be unseen, obscene, and drain this land Nothing will bring your reprimand Immortal, you chortle, "I stand atop." Insane, inane, their brains will flop Exceeding them greedily, no need to stop Complex perplexity inevitably sought
those rhymes are a little forced and I think that the work as a whole suffers because of it. I also can't pick up on any sort of general theme or message. The structure and flow of it works pretty nice, just don't like literature with nothing to it. Of course, there's the very likely case that I don't "get it."
i probably dont get it but i think its good, i personally think ruse is wrong by sayng the work suffers by the rhyming, i personally think that rhyming can make the poem fit together nicely. just my opinion though.