A poem I wrote while trippin out in Room 101

Discussion in 'The Artist's Corner' started by aurahaze, Sep 26, 2009.

  1. ate a lot of firecrackers and this is what I ended up scribbling down:

    Crippled Susie with locks of auburn and Tommy boy with freckles so cute
    Let'em howl, let'em rain,
    Then let'em feel like babies again

    If bastard gate with mouth so high, catch the words
    “Let the poor man rise. Let the poor man become.”
    Then Jesus had better fly away to Paradise

    If Momma's hallelujahs can't make the pain go away
    Then let the pills and the needles fall where they may
    Let the head in pillow dive down and down again
    Let the pain become warmth, amen
  2. Dude.

    We got some fuckin' badass poets here in the City.

    That shit was intense, your wordplay is amazing and the last stanza, man, that really hit me. Just the sounds and structure of it is beautiful. I wish I could write like this.
  3. You sir, just knocked my fuckin nuts off.
  4. Good shit bro..

    If that was only fire crackers..
    Take some lucy or boomers an write something down..
    I would love to hear that!
  5. mad crazy shit. love it.
  6. "...bastard gate with mouth so high..."

  7. incredible dude.

    I like everything about your style.

  8. that poem is beautiful : )
  9. totally amazing.
  10. Yeah i like this alot man.

    Nice stuff.

    Your imagery is obscure but obvious - a skill that to me shows true poetry.
  11. thanks for the comments everybody, they mean a lot!

    I didn't think anyone would actually respond to this, tbh :p
  12. so vague and obscure that i dont like it. just my opinion, not negative.
  13. it is pretty obscure; maybe if i gave you a title

    "fetal escape"

    now just throw in some ganja and it'll make beeeautiful sense
  14. Real intense. I like it a lot. Nice job +rep my man.

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