A poem i wrote on a napkin at mcdonalds, stoned

Discussion in 'The Artist's Corner' started by drewsmoking, Apr 19, 2010.

  1. We are the ones of grim and malice;
    Claim our land and dwell in our Palace;
    Manipulate feeble mind, peaceful mind;
    Eliminate peace of mind.

    What else will we find, if, still, we look upon;
    Seek out for comfort, inward,
    How can we move forward, then?
    Behind our own lines.

    Pick another one for the pick;
    Shovel our mud, leave the bodies in the mud;
    Thud, Thud, Thud;
    Just those three.
     
  2. first verse was pretty good. catchy. kinda went down hill no offense. constructive criticism. i liked the first verse tho
     
  3. yeah, true, ill work on the last two verses in a bit

    and thanks for the feedback man
     

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