a poem - feedback appreciated

Discussion in 'The Artist's Corner' started by minglewood, Mar 1, 2010.

  1. ten are the hours i've slept this week
    nine are the syllables you need to speak
    eight are the times i've made them proud
    seven is the number i've smoked just now
    six are the dreams i hold in my heart
    five are the ones i'm about to part
    four are the strings on my crippled guitar
    three are the times i've dented my car
    two are the stars I saw above
    once is the chance you get at love
    but now i sit still silent thinking
    that all of my dreams have caused my sinking
    but still, like william's, my heart leaps up as I behold
    a rainbow standing in the stretched face of the old
    a delicate dream
    is it worth my spending
    or am I just wasting
    counting unexisting time
     
  2. dude you write that yourself??? Not bad at all very interesting :p The only thing I would change is the 3 times you dented your car hahah. But other than that fucking excellent
     
  3. yeah, i wrote it. thanks for reading.
    i know that car line sounds clumsy, but that's the way things are.
     
  4. I love the denting your car line, it made me Smile :)
     

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