a poem - "Clusters"

Discussion in 'The Artist's Corner' started by god4gotmyname, Jun 5, 2009.

  1. Clusters


    Of all the things her knowledge could own
    He wondered why she couldn't have known
    Her knowledge was sinking like quicksand
    And thus follows the anecdote of Jack and Sam.

    "Jack, Jack, look at this!"
    "You really should come look at this!"
    "Just look here through this telescope;
    I see a miracle in Space's black coat."

    "Please, Sam, I don't have time
    to play your riddled-up rhymes."

    "I swear Jack, it's no joke!"
    "I see a miracle through this telescope!"

    "All right Samantha, I'll play along."
    "But I better not find that you were wrong."
    Jack looked at space and stared at what he saw.
    He turned back with a blank face,
    And Sam thought she had no flaw.

    She said, "If you look through the telescope,
    You will plainly see
    That I'm smarter than you think,
    smarter than some baby".

    Jack squinted his eyes and said through clenched jaws,
    "Samantha, it appears that you have run out of luck.
    You can't see through a telescope lens that is covered
    with peanut shells, you clusterfuck!"
     
  2. hahaha! funny ending, and pretty good writing i must say, i like the whole conversation, story type layout, made me feel like i was reading one of those childrens morals or something, BUT if i am to make any negative critiques i must say you have the wrong usage of the term clusterfuck, if it is even a term to give meaning to lol since it isn't a real word i suppose you can use it however you like
     
  3. Thank you! Yeah, I made that poem to go along with a drawing that was pretty abstract and random, though I think it looked cool. I got the idea from a LONG time ago when I was watching this cartoon called Catdog. The main character, Catdog, thought they saw evidence of the apocalypse or something when they looked through a telescople, but the little blue guy named Lazlo (I think) pointed out that their were actually peanut shells on the lens of the telescope that really made a difference.:)
     

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