So as a few of you may know I took up a minor renunciation a week ago. I gave up video games, orgasms, intentional lust, tv, junk food, and a lot of the internet (outside of GC and another forum I visit). I basically spent most of my time in the last week reading, meditating, drawing, thinking, and playing music (I've been on spring break so I've had lots of free time to do all this in). It was a beautiful week, I felt very in touch with my divine half and with the divinity in everything. I felt love towards all of existence and felt unconditional love for every single person. However, my biggest realization of the week came today. I have ended the whole renunciation thing because of this realization. I should mention that the reason I decided to renounce these things is that I felt the actions themselves lowered my state of awareness. For instance I felt like every time I played a video game, no matter how "awake" I felt beforehand, I always would quit and feel like I wasn't on the same level anymore. I smoked today, and after meditating I decided to try playing a video game just to see what I thought of it after not playing for a week. I started playing, but now that I have been renouncing I played with a clear mind, and a great state of awareness the entire time. I played for an hour or so and noticed no drop in my state of consciousness (which I used to notice before this week of devotion). I kept my mind clear of thoughts the entire time and simply became one with the game. So then I was in the shower, and I decided to try jacking off just to see how it affected my state of consciousness. I did it in a sort of tantric way, just focusing on the act itself without thinking of sex or anything, basically with a clear mind, and when I finished I noticed that there was again no drop in my state of consciousness. Then I did the same with watching a TV show. I watched with a clear mind and with control over my awareness and again there was no drop in the level of my consciousness. After doing these things I felt the same way that I had felt all week, incredibly high off life and love and completely aware. So my most important realization through all of this, one that many of you probably already know, one that I used to know and forgot before I did all this, is that it is not your what you are doing, but the mental state that you do it in that determines what level of consciousness you stay on. I could meditate all day and be in the exact same place I would be in if I did every act, whether considered productive or unproductive, in a meditative state. So all in all I have learned that it is indeed the Middle Way that brings about true freedom, because in this way one is able to find freedom and awareness in one's own mind, instead of actions. In this way one is able to do even the silliest thing, such as playing a video game, in a complete state of awareness and without abandoning the buddha nature that is so comforting and calm. One can be Buddha while playing a video game, one can be buddha while watching a tv show, one can be buddha while eating cake, just as one can be buddha while meditating or doing yoga. Ram Dass once said "It takes a while to realize that God can take out the garbage", and how wise those words are.
And now for the counter-experiment. Jack off everyday, play more video games, etc., all the activities you renounced, and see how you feel at the end of the week. "My Adepts stand with their feet in the depths of hell and their heads in the heavens" Master Therion
I think I actually will try it.... for science of course. I think it would be interesting to see how well my mental clarity and awareness can hold up in the face of overindulging in old habits that used to bring about negative thought patterns.... Not to mention how my body would feel afterwards.
I can almost guarantee you if you masturbate daily (or whatever your habit was, maybe twice or thrice a day if your like that) by the end of a week your mental clarity will be gone.
Wow dude a lot of deep stuff in all that...a lot of goblitty gook too. Whatever you like to do with your free time is your business. As long as you are taking care of yourself, do what makes you happy. If your doing it on someone else's dime...well that's a little different.
Why not give it a try then? Abstain from orgasm for 2 weeks, and perhaps do a test of focus and creativity at the start, the 1st week and at the end of the 2 week period recording the results. Then orgasm daily for 2 weeks, perhaps do a test at the end of the first week or daily release and then at the end of the 2 weeks. Do it in that order with the abstinence first, so there is actually a chance you'll have gotten better just from practice and have better test results while orgasming daily. You might surprise yourself as to how sure you are of things.
Do not masturbate every day. It compromises your motivation, especially intellectual motivation. This is because motivation stems from a desire to attract a mate. Go jerk all day 3 days and read a book. Go no jerk 4 days and read a book. See when you retain more. Also, do not focus on thoughts, otherwise no experience is had. Instead focus on self, then you will do things. Self is your awareness and the things around. It helps to replace the notion of 'individuality' with 'all-inclusive awareness'. In this sense, we exchange our egotistical nature for a rational nature. The ego obscures the real self, and makes him think he is something different than what he is. If we simply learn to ignore our ego and push forward, we can do much better. However, there is still a spot in my heart reserved for wonder and thought without action. But I am convinced constantly sitting around and thinking, containing oneself only to his consciousness, or to what he constructs as his 'ego', is not productive in the end, in fact it's complacent, yet strangely some weird spontaneous ideas can come from it all. Balance. Self.
...............and thus the reason for my sig....for those that have ears...lol **and 'chop wood, carry water'
Reminds me of a Buddhist saying: "Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water...After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water."
Bro that was a fantastic post. Really spoke to me. I love it. I understand you. It's all about balance - doing a bit of everything, while maintaining clarity, rather than focusing your energy on a specific few things, and then burning out. Thanks for sharing your wisdom
Masturbating is weird, in my opinion, and I'm pretty young to be going by that notion. Once or twice every few weeks, (Pretty sure it was Trist I remember saying this before) just to clean the pipes out. Sexuality is such a powerful desire of the ego, but it's something that's gotta be understood respectfully.
Thanks man. I'm really glad you enjoyed reading it. Yeah, sex in general is just wierd to me. It's appealing and I think girls are beautiful but sex is so strange. I have no interest in it, except once every week or two I'll feel a need or urge to bust a nut. Sex used to rule my life a year or two ago, along with drugs, and now I've kind of moved past that phase. It's overrated in my opinion. In my experience looking for happiness in sex is a neverending chase after something that is never quite what you expect it to be, something which can never truly satisfy you in the way you want it to. I do think it's a beautiful amazing thing when it is an act of true love though (which I think is relatively rare these days). Even then I try to transmute the sexual energy when I can feel it building up... it's much more rewarding, at least in the long run, than an orgasm imo, though I still jack off from time to time if I feel like it. I don't see any harm in it when done in moderation.
hi, id just like to let you know i can relate to your post 100%, maybe not in the activities you took part in but the way you feel about them, it coincides with my feelings at the moment too