A guide to cheating on your girlfriend

Hello GC. So I'm VERY bored and I feel the need to write.

This post is about how to cheat on your girlfriend and get away with it. If you don't approve of this topic or simply think I'm a bad person for cheating, hit the back button, this thread is not for you.

First off, why do I and others cheat? Before you question our morals, maybe we need to take a look into our species. There are roughly 11 mammals that mate for life. Some wolves, swans, a few species of birds, termites etc. Out of the millions of different species, you are in the majority. It is very rare for a human to be involved in a relationship for life without cheating. On top of that, humans are one of the only mammals to have intercourse for pleasure. I know pigs and humans do. There might be others. So the urges you feel are normal. Cheating is a normal way of life. To be frank, to be involved in one relationship is going against nature and conforming to a society.

So how do I successfully cheat on my girlfriend? I like to think of this as a game. A game where you only get 1 life. Once you die, you're done for. Before starting 'the game' there are certain things you need to take into consideration before cheating. The first is, if I lose 'this person' what will happen? If you're living with your girlfriend and are have nowhere else to go, you need to be prepared to accept the consequences if you get caught.. If you are in fact living with a lover, and you will be homeless and kicked out if caught, probably not a good idea to cheat no matter the urge. Another big one is a girlfriend you have who does a lot for you, such as buying you things that you couldn't afford. If you cheat, be prepared to never have them buy you anything ever again.

Let me start getting into the meat and potatoes of this subject, the HOW TO. You need to find a location you are comfortable with meeting and talking to women. Personally, I like to use internet dating websites, that I can't name or I will get banned for advertising. Aside from dating website you can find women on websites that offer other services such as buying and selling. Just look for the personal section, make a generic message like 'Hey, I read your ad and I thought we could really connect. I'm 'Joe', interested in having a conversation sometime? Email me back'. Something real simple. Send those out to every woman you find attractive.

Precaution: When doing this over the internet like myself, I be sure to delete all history. I use Google Chrome and go to 'Tools' --> 'History' --> 'Delete all browsing History'. Do this every time you look through or respond to Email or messages. Another key point to consider in this set is WHO you are messaging. If you say live in Portland Oregon like myself, search the surrounding area's and avoid Portland. There is a good chance you might run into a friend of hers when doing this.

When talking to a women you might possibly be interested in, always offer to use their apartment or house first. For obvious reasons, the less woman at your house, THE BETTER! If the woman says that won't work out and the only way to cheat is your place or a motel, choose whichever you can afford. I pick my place but be sure to host when I know my girlfriend is at work. When knowing I will get questioned about why there are female objects in my apartment, I reply to the girl I'm talking to 'my sister just moved out' or 'my EX and I broke up, she just needs to get her stuff out. Never hide her things throughout the apartment, never move anything because this will raise RED FLAGS! Red flags and you can NEVER put it back how it was. Another point I want to stress is, when meeting up with a girl, NEVER gamble she will change her mind and not want sex. You are looking to get laid, so pick a woman that wants sex. When I choose a woman I always text her to be sure that we're both on the same page for sex.

Precaution: If you can afford a motel comfortably, pay in cash so your credit or debut transaction does not say 'Motel Highlands - Febuary 3rd 2011', pay in cash so there is no financial evidence. Remember, you and your partner generally split finances and go nosing through 'em. Another precaution here is taking note of your girlfriends habits. If you have a woman that leaves work early, skips work, is on call, AVOID YOUR PLACE OF RESIDENCE. This is a recipe get walked in on have a disaster strike.

Once you have the woman on her way to your apartment, have her park on the street. I use the excuse 'my apartment tow's cars that don't usually park here' or 'I don't have a visitors pass, my brother has it'. Keep in mind that when she is in the apartment, this is the most dangerous part of the entire scandal. You need to be sure to get to the point. I like to turn on a movie, watch 10 minutes of the movie, make my move, get action, head to the bedroom. If you are VERY paranoid about getting caught, sometimes I'll make the excuse of 'I live with my sister and this is her room, I sleep on the couch' so if your girlfriend does enter the apartment, tell the girl you're sleeping with to hide and leave when its clear or your sister will get pissed. Luckily for me, I've never had this happen but that is the escape plan I use. Moving forward, when you're making your moves and you head to the bedroom ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS wear a condom. An STD PROOF you have been cheating!! I cant stress this enough, WEAR A CONDOM! After you 'finish up' (LOL), lay with her for a few minutes, cuddle, let her think you care about her and wrap it up (no pun intended). I use the excuse 'wanna grab a bite to eat?' or 'Hey, want to go for a late night walk in the park together?' She thinks you're being romantic but in reality, you're leaving the most dangerous part of your operation. Just keep in mind, you want to be in a rush to get her out without her getting suspicious.

Precaution: After you have sex and you're about to leave the apartment there are a few house keeping things you need to do. The first is, work backwards. After I had sex, I tell her that we should tidy things up. I take the condom, condom wrapper, and condom part that was torn off. I put the pieces in my pocket (yuck, nasty cum-pocket) fix the bed to look messy but not sex-ridden. Make sure the girl has NOT left anything behind such as, but not limited to: Hair-ties, scrunchies, socks, shoes, panties, makeup accessories etc. Once the bedroom is cleaned, work backwards to the movie watching area. Check for what I call 'double vision', anything that fires off an alarm that anybody else was there. Such as two drinks or two glasses of wine. Two soda pop cans, two blankets, two foot rests, anything that would make your girl suspicious of another person being there. Lastly, put back the movie, turn off the TV, put remotes to desired location. You don't have to do this which I will explain in one moment. Be sure to make ONE LAST sweep of the apartment checking for anything out of place, a suspicious light being on? bathroom toilet seat up? Anything that breaks YOUR normal living conditions.

Girlfriend coming home. I like to do two things here. One, I'm out with the girl I just slept with for 2 reasons. You DON'T WANT TO PISS HER OFF. If you have sex with her, and tell her to leave, she might return at YOUR front door and have a nice little chat with your girlfriend. That is a VERY important rule. Never piss off the girl you're sleeping with. No matter what! Or, I will have returned home on the computer. I'll do whatever I feel the girl I just slept with's attitude is. Sometimes the chick is really clingy, sometimes she just wants to leave herself. Use your best judgement. If you return home and your girlfriend is waiting for you, be sure to have at least 3 excuses mapped out. For the love of God, get creative! Don't tell her "work called" because she can check at your work and see when you last worked.

You entry points. This is a section on entry points. This is another red flag zone. I like to call entry points things such as cell phones, computers and other electronics or evidence entry points. An entry point is where your girlfriend can pick up the entry point, read it and you're busted. Never EVER leave your Email open. Always put a password on it. Your cellphone, I have an iPhone 3GS and there is an option to put a password on it. When I sleep, I sleep with my cellphone on the opposite side of my girlfriend. Always erase messages after EVERY exchange. Example, you text back and fourth for 10 minutes. When you're done. DELETE THEM. Never have lingering messages on your phone. Passworded or not.

Random Notes and things to consider:

-As I just said, never use work as an excuse. Your boss can confirm that you were not there.
-Never tell anybody. Even guy friends. Never boast about the women you sleep with. I find this hard because all of my guy friends talk about women they have sex with but in reality, you I get WAY more than them.
-If a girl you had sex with wants to come back for round 2, tell her you're NOT at that apartment anymore. Say you changed apartment complexes, moved houses or changes locations. After I have sex with a girl and I never want to see her again, I always keep texting her but make excuses like 'I'm free in 1 week and I'm free for about 4 hours, wanna hangout then?'. Keep pushing back dates. This will not piss her off, she will lose interest.
-Always have an exit plan. The only time you really can get BUSTED is when your girlfriend walks in and catches you red handed. Be smart.
-When using the internet for dating, never post pictures of your face. Use a fake name like 'Joe'. and never give your real date of birth, never give out any real information
-FACEBOOK: DO NOT GIVE THE WOMAN YOU'RE CHEATING ON YOUR FACEBOOK. Say something like 'I never log on' or 'social networks are so dumb'.
-Most woman I have sex with like it a bit rough. This is okay but be sure there are no physical marks like hickey's, scratches on your back etc. Let her do it, but don't be OCD about it and tell her to stop. This will raise suspicion for her.
-A problem I run into a lot is women wanting to spend the night and have sex multiple times. Never have a girl spend the night! Tell her you have work tomorrow morning but she can stay the night next week.

Any questions? I will also make this thread into a question and ask thread if you guys have any information or want some advice.