Guy walks into a bar, and orders 2 shots of whiskey he drinks one and ours the other in his right hand. the bartender watches his do it 7 or 8 times. He finally asks the guy what are you doing? the guy replies getting my girl friend drunk! Pinochio is about 16 and he goes to gepeto and says I have a problem, everytime im "with" my girlfriend she says I give her splinters, what should I do? Gepeto says try sanding it down a bit maybe that will help. About a week or so later gepeto asks how his women troubles are, and pinochio replies who needs women when you've got sandpaper. This guy with a pet monkey walks into a bar and sits down, all of a sudden without warning the monkey flips out and swallows a pool ball. The bartender tells the guy he needs to leave and take that monkey with him. A month later the guy comes back and brings the monkey with him, again the monkey flips out, runs around the bar grabs a cherry out of someones drink shoves it up his ass, pulls it out then eats it.The bartender is absolutely disgusted he asks what the fuck was that, the guy says ever since the poolball he has been sizing everything up that way