What's the best form of birth control after 50? Nudity. ------------------------------------------- What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 lbs. -------------------------------------------- What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes. --------------------------------------------- What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife. ---------------------------------------------- Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. ----------------------------------------------- Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,caring, and good looking? Because those men already have boyfriends. ------------------------------------------------ What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. ------------------------------------------------- =20 What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. --------------------------------------------------- What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. ----------------------------------------------------- Why does the bride always wear white? Because it's good for the dishwasher to match, the stove, and refrigerator. ----------------------------------------------------- A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs? The blonde because she's 18. ----------------------------------------------------- Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mom. ------------------------------------------------------ How do you know when you're really ugly? Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed. ------------------------------------------------------- How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life? When a nymhomaniac tells you, " Let's just be friends." --------------------------------------------------------- Moms have Mother's Day, Dads have Father's Day, what do single guys have? Palm Sunday. --------------------------------------------------------- What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts? Her navel. --------------------------------------------------------- Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you. --------------------------------------------------------- Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby? They named him Sum Ting Wong. ---------------------------------------------------------- Why do Gorillas have such big noses? Because they have such big fingers.