A Brooklyn tale (long version)...

OK kids, here's one of the funnier stories of my many countless trips to Brooklyn to score a bag. It's not all that funny, but compared to some other ones I have, it's amusing. Trust me.

Alright, so it's about 2 in the morning, we're all out of weed, so me and a buddy jump in the car and head to a store in Brooklyn we had just found with these huge 50 bags.

Brooklyn was only about 20-35 min away and weed was/is plentiful there. If you people have ever seen the movie "Half-Baked, you know the part about "bodegas"? Well that's for real. They sell it in stores all over the place. If any of you have been there, you know what I mean. It's so cool! You just gotta watch your back in some places.

OK, so we get there, he runs in, gets me a 50 & 2 20's; gets himself 2 50's. As I'm sitting there waiting for him, I notice a van across the street which is looking a bit suspicious, you know, like too brand new and nice to be sitting on the street in a shitty neighborhood. I just chalk it up to paranoia, he comes out, and we take off.

So we're cruising back towards the Manhattan Bridge, glowing with that joy when you have a brand new bag of good shit. I roll up a fattie, we start puffing. I crotch the rest of my weed, he crotches his. So we're puffing along, all of a sudden my buddy goes "hmm, that's weird" and I'm like "what?!", all paranoid (I was like 15). So he says "that *van* behind me has been there for a while". I turn around, oh so slowly, one of those slo-mo movie moments, and sure enough, there it is. The same goddamn van.

At this point we're 1 block away from the bridge; they won't stop you on the bridge and generally they won't follow you across. I'm feeling a little relief.

We're getting real close now, maybe 50 yards away. All of a sudden, real loud, we hear "YOU, IN THE GREEN MUSTANG, PULL THE CAR OVER NOW! PULL THE FUCK OVER!".

Great. Now I'm shitting myself. Here I am, a 15 year old whiteboy with blonde hair down to my ass, and I'm about to be thrown in some Brooklyn jail. They're gonna rip my ass apart then feed it to me.

2 plainclothes cops get out, you know the drill, shining flashlights all over, plus they got a spotlight in the van on us.
The first one comes over to my side, hand on his gun. I see him unbutton the holster. Great, I'm dead. He tells me to get my hands up, of course I comply. He asks me if I have anything on me I'm not supposed to have. Bleary eyed, I say something insightful, like "of course not, arcifer". I wasn't actually ~lying~, cuz I think I *should* have weed. Everyone should, right?

So the other cop was checking out the outside of the car and now he walks over to the driver's side. He asks my friend the same question, "you got anything you're not supposed to have?" My buddy's playing dumb, of course. "No, sir, what do you mean?"

The cop's like "please, we just followed you from a known drug area. You gonna tell me you're the 1 white guy who lives there or something?" My friend's trying some bullshit story, I can't hear it all cuz the pig on my side is asking me questions.

His cop is getting testy now, he said something like "If we gotta rip this car apart to find your shit, we're gonna be really pissed off, and you might just fall up the stairs on your way into the station. And 2 sweet-looking whiteboys like you don't want to be in my jail, trust me. Is that what you want?".

Next thing I hear is "OK, OK, we bought some weed, but that's it." I just sank another inch into my seat. FUCK!

Then I hear my friend say "HE'S GOT IT ALL!", as he points to me.

WAWAWHAT?!?! YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!

I'm ready to start beatin on my "friend", but really don't wanna get shot. so I just sit there. Seems like an hour passes, but it was probably more like 10 seconds.

Now I'm getting ready to get out of the car to face my doom. Then the cop on his side says "you're smart to tell me the truth, we've had a bad night so far and if we had to rip this car apart for a nickel bag, tonight would have been much worse for you than us. Can't you idiots find weed in Jersey? Do you wanna get shot just for some weed? Because if you keep coming back here for it, you're gonna. We have shootings everyday."

With that, he says "now get the fuck out of here, and don't come back. EVER. UNDERSTAND?"

Ummmm....yes sir. Thank you sir!

Now, it's a good feeling to be let go, but the best part is...
We got to keep the weed. They didn't even take it!

S W E E T .

Needless to say, I alternated between trying to beat my friend silly and trying to hug him. He could've done me in with that, but it actually saved us. I know he didn't know it was gonna work. So I just never talked to him again after that.

The end.

If you need more, I got a good one about Harlem, too....

 

Yeah, you're right dude, we have no idea what good weed is here in the states.......and yeah, I'm sure you're like the top dealer in Switzerland. Wow, you're my hero...how can I be more like you? Please tell me....
Gimme a fucking break.

 

Bushwick/Ridgewood.

 

Yeah dude, that's what I love about living in cities. Usually the worst thing that will happen is they take your shit and tell you not to come back. But lemme tell ya man, I thought NYC was cool, California fucking rules. So laid back it's funny. Marijuana has unoficially been decriminalized where I live now, so unless you walk up to a cop and blow it in his face they don't fuck with you at all. My friendly neighborhood dealer has been at it for over 20 years, only busted once then they dropped the charges cuz all he sells is weed, no hard shit. Now a few of his best customers are friends of the cops that busted him.

I guess you should consider yourself lucky pipes, if that happened in some little rinky-dink town they'd lock your ass up immediately.

I got locked up once in NJ for having ~5~ seeds in my wallet that had been there for over a year. 5 fucking seeds! I picked them out of a bag and completely forgot about em. The bastards searched me 3 times, then found the seeds and started pissing themselves. I had a bag crotched and believe it or not the retards never found it cuz they didn't give me a full strip search. They wanted me to give up an aquaintance of mine who they new was dealing, I told them I would do it just so I could get the fuck out of there before they found the bag.

They let me go that night after 6 hours of bullshit rookie cops trying their oh-so-predictable tactics of pumping me for info. So I misinformed them. Fed them bullshit, told them I would help them so I could leave then never called them. Right, like I'm gonna give someone else up to save my own ass.

Fuck them. I hate cops. They're so dumb. First thing I did when I left was go straight to the guy's house who they wanted me to give up, told him they knew all about him and he should lay low for a while, then smoked a huge fattie from my crotchbag with him. He thanked me with a 1/2 oz on the house. Then all was good in the world, for a while.

Unfortunately, the fucking pigs actually sent the seeds they found in my wallet to a lab and grew them, because if the seeds are sterile and don't grow they can't charge you. Well, mine were fertile and grew and they charged me with "possession under 50 grams", "intent to cultivate" and "intent to distribute". For 5 goddamn seeds! I had a decent public defender and he got it knocked down to a misdemeanor posession charge. Chalk it up to a lesson learned.

So kids, the morals of the story are:
1) If you buy more than 1 bag, keep 1 in yer pocket for smokin and crotch the rest, just in case. Or split it up and keep a nug in your pocket and crotch the rest.
2) Don't carry seeds around in your wallet, you're gonna forget about em.
3) Don't ever, EVER give someone else up to save your own ass. What goes around ALWAYS comes back around.
4) ALWAYS lie to the cops, don't fall for the predictable traps they use, which are culled straight from a junior psychology textbook. Use Kaiser Sose as your model.

Hmm, maybe I should start a thread on how to outwit the police....

 

That's pretty shitty, man. Sounds like someone ratted on you.

"i bought a fucking schippy nike that day" Huh? What does that mean?

As for your dealer buying 25s and selling them as 50s, well, you gotta remember most dealers are only in it for the money. If it's a decent deal it doesn't really matter what he paid. No matter who you get from chances are they're charging at least double what they paid. That's why it's such a lucrative business.

 

I mean stuffing it down your underpants in your crotch area. It only works if you're wearing briefs or boxer briefs, though. If you're wearing regular boxers it will just slide down and fall out your pant leg at the worst possible moment, but you could hang the bag from your waist if you really needed to, the elastic will hold it for a bit.