45 year old crossdressing weed enthusiast

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by bobbypin, May 12, 2011.

  1. i understand that this is a long story. but i think it's interesting enough to hold attention. read as much or as little as you wish.

    for the past week, my friend (we'll call him bob) has been telling me about a lonely gay man whom he visits to keep him company. bob would come from this guy's house stocked with weed and cigarettes, and tell me wild stories about his antics.

    a couple days ago, i decided to go with bob to visit him. his name is chris.

    me and bob pull up to chris's house, and sit in the car for a minute to roll a spliff. just as bob was lighting it, a police car pulled up directly behind us. we get out to talk to the officer.

    officer: do you know this man?
    bob: we're just visiting, we come over every once in a while to keep him company.
    officer: he's called 911 4 times today, harassing dispatch and demanding vicoden.
    bob: he's mentally confused...
    officer: i'm just here to warn him that if he does it again, we're going to take him in.

    right off the bat, i have a funny feeling that chris is BATSHIT CRAZY. who would call 911 and harass the dispatchers for pills? and be mental enough to get away with it? i was about to find out. we approach the house, it was covered in halloween decorations. one of the glass panes in his door was broken out. chris answers the door in a miniskirt and hawaiian shirt like "oh honeys it's cold! get inside!" it was 84 degrees.

    so me, bob, and the officer were all inside the mad-house. just looking around, you can tell this guy is loaded. nice house, nice furniture, almost everything in view looked expensive. the thing was, the place was a wreck. there was garbage and bags and clothes EVERYWHERE. as i learned later, he's a compulsive shopper. but it wasn't just that. there were bottles of prescriptions and bags of weed littering the house, along with some very high-end liquor.

    if that wasn't enough for the cop, chris immediately began to get all up in the cops face, screaming at him in a drag-queen lisp about how his family was sneaking into his house at night and stealing all his drugs. he led us upstairs to his bedroom, dressers adorned with multi-colored wigs and enormous crystal dildos. he then proceeded to drag the wardrobe from the wall and rip out the phone jack with his bare hands because he thought it was some sort of witchcraft that the cable man (who was in cahoots with his family) had installed. alright, now get this.

    ready?

    the cop eventually got exasperated and left. no fucking shit. i almost couldn't believe what i was seeing. the man didn't even leave a card. he just walked out.

    the next couple hours were almost just as unbelievable. it was like being in another world. chris has us refer to him as "queen christina" and referred to himself as "the black witch". he couldn't remember my name, and called me everything from 'armon' to 'blair'. if you moved or touched any of the rocks or crystals around his house, he would freak out and start doing weird chants.

    at one point, he said "i would like something to smoke, but i just can't find anything." so we helped him look for something to smoke. me and bob found around 15 packs of cigarettes, 4 boxes of cigars, and 6 bags of weed from a dispensary down the street. when we asked to smoke a bowl with him, he insisted that all the weed we found had been poisoned by his many enemies, so we had to walk with him to the dispensary to buy more. we got back to the house with his "clean" weed, and he packed a bowl in his bong. he took a single hit, and started choking and screaming and chanting. when he could talk, he explained that the bong water had also been poisoned.

    as i was changing the bong water, bob had a spark of genius and told chris that we were his cup-bearers, and had to test everything before he tried it himself. poison has never been a problem since.

    i was poking around and found a couple of new dime bags (the hemp purse/bag/backpack line) in one of the piles of random shit on the floor. i picked one up like "oh, how cute." and he was like "keep it." he also gave us a couple 'tainted' packs of black american spirits, and around an ounce of poisoned chronic. before i met chris, i thought bob was stealing this stuff from his house. now i realize that chris, although completely mental, is just a very generous person.

    i think i might go back to visit next week.
     
  2. :laughing:

    That's some funny shit dude hahaha. How did your friend meet this tweakin' tranny?
     
  3. Sounds like a party..
     

  4. [​IMG]
     
  5. ^^ lmao at that flapping dick gif, :cool:
     
  6. Hey i know a guy just like him!

    [​IMG]
     
  7. Reno 911 is hilarious. + rep :hello: when I can lol
     
  8. you may never have to pay for weed again :rolleyes:
     

  9. bob met him at a bar - all drag-queened out.
     
  10. What compelled you to talk to this person at a bar when hes dressed like a girl
     
  11. id chill with him.
     
  12. i didn't. bob did. chris dropped his weed in the bar and instead of taking it, bob gave it back to him. that's the story so i've heard.
     
  13. Ah i see. Thats funny as fuck
     
  14. Chris... Crocker?
     
  15. Damn Bob must of been drunk as a skunk, or maybe that's his thing. Either way, good find LOL
     
  16. bobbypin!
    your threads never fail.
    Thanks for sharing. :wave:
     
  17. Wow this was a prety funny story. Yeah man free weed for life. As long as chris doesnt pull some crazy(er) shyt and end up in jail. He would not have fun in jail...
     

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