So here is my dilemma. I turned 23 in sept. i have been with my girl going on 5 months now. I truly like being with her, love to be around her, and would do most anything for her. She is 32 says she loves me and that stuff. But here is where the problems come into play. I want kids 4 actually, i will have kids in the future when i decide. I want to get married. She however will not have kids, Will not get married again. End of story. We have yet to have a fight, have yet to have an actual argument. Which for me is very refreshing and kind of new. Because of our age there is a slight gap in life experiences. However i am a older young person if that makes sense. Which is one reason she is with me. But some of the things she tells me throws me for a loop. Because of life experiences she tells me that i should have a threesome. HOWEVER she will not join in a threesome, but tells me if i get the chance to go ahead and have one, only stipulations are if i tell her she will break up with me, if i cheat on her she will break up with me. THen the other night we are talking and she says "If you hadn't met me would you still be single"? I reply probably not, who knows.... So she says "If you meet someone more qualified than me you should go after her." So i say, You mean to tell me if i meet a girl i am interested in, that you want me to date her while dating you? She says no not at all. I don't like games. One reason why i try not to date younger women. But the stuff that comes out of her mouth at times is fucking crazy. Part of me says she wants to be with me cause she has told me that if i plan on breaking up with her do it sooner than later cause it will hurt her more. But at the same time it seems to me that she is kind of pushing me away, yet keeping me here. i don't know what the fuck is going on at times. We both agree that if we do break up we will more than likely still be friends cause going into this, At least in my mind we both knew it wouldn't last. But i am starting to get to the point that i want a definate heads up. I don't know how to broach this subject either. I mean do i come straight out and say hey are we gonna stay together for long time or should i be looking elsewhere. i don't want to throw this away cause i truly enjoy being with her. Damn i enjoy being with her, i want it to last but yet i know it will end. Any clue on wtf to do?
long term i think theres too much of an age gap there. sounds like shes trying to get you to find a girl your age honestly, or at least thats what i got out of your post.
In my opinion, I don't think the age gap is that bad, my mom remarried a man 15 years older than her, and my Dad remarried a woman 15 years younger than him. Weird i know. But anyways, It seems to me that she's sort of pushing you away too. The "if you meet someone more qualified than me you should go for it" really seems like a hint.
See my mom and stepfather had a 10 year age gap which is probably why i don't think its weird. But where do i go really. I mean should i just say hey were done. or be like what is it that you truly want from me?
Shes insecure and obviously knows it will end. You are her "boy toy" IMO and even if she wanted kids, which she probably doesnt, she definately knows she doesnt want them with you and is letting you know that. End it or have some fun but acknowledge what it is and dont get to strung.
Sounds like she's got some self-esteem issues ("if you meet someone better than me, go for it") and she's making herself feel better by playing games with you and seeing that you stay with her even when she sounds like she's fucking nuts ("you should really have a threesome if you ever get the chance, but you have to tell me and just know that I'll break up with you for doing it"--WTF?). She sounds pretty immature for a 32-year-old.
She IS definitely playing games. She wants you to fuck up so she has something to bitch about. I'm serious. Don't divulge too much, she will store that info in her brain bank and fuck you with it later.... Trust me. Just give up, find someone more your age with similar goals... like getting married, having children and spending her life with you. This woman knows her stance on marriage and children.
It sounds like she has a lot of the same views about relationships that I do. First, she wasn't pushing you away. What she is saying is that if you're ever more attracted to another person, break it off with her and pursue that person. There's always someone better for you out there then the current person you're with and you should be with the person that will make you happiest. She's trying to be considerate and not tie you down. You want to get married and have 4 kids, she doesn't. You should be with someone that wants the same things as you do.
Sounds like this gal has some relationship issues if she's 32 dating a 23 year old. Find someone your own age. If you want kids and she doesn't... you aren't going to get them with her.
I think freakish was more on the right track here. She's older so she's probably speaking from experience, when she tells you not to miss out on any experiences. As an older woman, she probably knows what she wants. Which is probably someone who only wants her. It makes sense. You guys are at two fundamentally different stages in life and that can be hard to overcome. You're obviously still together cos you like each other. But in the long run, you both know that what you want in a life partner and what she has to offer you are not the same thing. 23 is very young to start thinking about settling down, IMO. But I don't know. I'd be confused too. It just sounds like she is being straightforward, though. She understands its probably tough for you, probably doesn't want to break up with you, but wants you to understand that when that time comes, she'll understand. That's just my guess.
So i guess that it has turned into friends with benefits. We talked a bit and came to a mutual agreement that it is over. But there are still games being played which i am not a fan of. Yes imo i am young to start settling down but i view it as i don't want to be an old fart when i have kids. (NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE) imo i want to still be able to do stuff when my kids are out of the house. i figured i would want to get married by 25 wait a year or two and start popping them out. However, after we broke up its been a couple days. still talking and almost acting like everything is normal which for me is a little strange. But as i said its practically fwb. HA guess in the long run both of us knew it wouldn't last but still. Thank you for all the advice and glad i can actually put some of it to use. Roast a fatty with the knowledge that i still get some HAHAHA.