2 year relationship. No sex life thinking of leaving, Thoughts?

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by catfish cruising, Mar 15, 2016.

  1. #1 catfish cruising, Mar 15, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 15, 2016
    I am a 22 year old male. She is 22 also. We have been together for 2 years 3 months and we live together. we have two dogs and we are talking about getting out a mortgage on a house soon together. We have talked about having kids in the future but we both agree we wont get married. it just seems to me a silly idea.

    in alot of ways we are opposites. for example, I love having a couple drinks, smoking weed and growing it. She however hates smoking weed, she even hates the smell of it, i dont mean she hates the smell of the smoke, no she actually hates the smell of buds and she thinks it smells disgusting. Now with me at this stage of my life it really is a part of me and its just something im not about to give up. I grow it, i smoke it, i love it! Although im saying this, it isnt really a big issue in the relationship but it is something that bothers both of us a little. and she does complain about it often. Atleast there is more for me! Call it a compromise hehe

    We do get on well mostly. We never fight and dont often have arguments although we do have them.. Most of the time We rarely yell at each other and when that does happen we might get angry with each other and maybe yell but once we have both made our points without being silly i try to step back and let the negativity bounce off me, let her vent, let her keep yelling at me til she runs out steam then swallow my anger and talk to her about what what either one of us is angry about. al though it doesnt always work out this way but this is always how i try aproach it, and we always either resolve it or just get over it or forget. I never EVER get insulting though. Even if we did break up i wouldnt resort to this. I find all this to be a great part of our relationship because this happens very rarely, and we can talk about anything pretty much and we mostly communicate well to each other.

    there are a few other small things that bother me like how we have opposite taste in music. The stuff i like she hates, and vice versa.. another thing is she is always playing games on her phone nonstop which again is not biggie but it bothers me. And one of the worst things she does that i absolutely hate is she snores at night and farts ALOT during the day. I mean she is ripping big loud long farts Alot. like probably 3 times as much as me. she is not ashamed to do this, instead she just laughs but i find it revolting, But things like this are to be expected for any relationship and its just something that we all have to live with and at the end of the day it is ok.

    Me personally i think of myself as an active person im always doing things, im either at work or working on things at home, or talking shit with friends or just getting fucked up. Now unless she is at work or has to go out when nessacery, shes at home. she doesnt like to go out at night on the weekends and such so she just stays home and plays games on her phone while sitting in front of the tv. She will sit there for most of the day and she is not motivated to do anything. she acknowledges this and she wants to become more active and get out more but she just wont do it. she just sits at home in front of the tv playing games on her phone and makes excuses to herself to not take action. ive tried to help her out with this but i cant seem to help. I cant get her past "its too hard" and "you wouldnt understand" when infact i can because i have been there myself

    Now this one is abit of a biggie for me lately. She just does not want to have sex. We have totally diffrent sex drives. a complete mix match. Basicly I want to have sex everyday, multiple times if she wants to. more the better, meanwhile she just does not want to have sex at all. we used to have sex that we both enjoyed for the first year then she just became less and less interested. It declined to the point where she just does not want to have sex and i started bribing her with money and buying her things so that she would have sex with me. this has gone on for what might probably even be a couple months now. up until recently i was just giving her $50 everytime i wanted to have sex. i would go days without it and then i would just fold and offer her money. I am stopping doing this, i do not want to do this any more it is just sad and embarrassing. It is not the way either of us want to have sex but i really just feel like i need sex that bad and its the only way!

    Despite the fact that we get on so well and intend to buy a house and maybe have kids together i am beggining to wonder if this is really the right relationship for me as we clearly want different things. It has been a month since we had sex and it is torment for me. Me not being able to make love to her makes me feel as if im not good enough for her and sometimes makes me feel like she is getting it somewhere else, even though im sure shes not. I havent told her this yet but i think it might be something to bring up soon before its too late. I dont know how long i would last like this before i have relations with another woman. infact if i was tempted today im not sure if i could resist even though i love her and wouldn't want to do that to her.

    In fact she has told me recently, multiple times that i need a girl on the side that i just dont tell her about. I dont agree with this at all. If we are in a relationship its just me and her, i am loyal i dont want to lie to her. The fact that she actually said this makes me wonder if thats the way she feels and if she thinks that would actually be ok. would she or has she done this to me? Again i dont think she will or has but im not sure this is just the way i feel

    Now one thing that would complicate things if i did break it off with her is my grow. I grow indoors and have a perpetual setup. i probably have slightly more plants than i really need and I have heared countless story's of angry ex's dobbing their partners in for growing because they broke up. I just am not sure how well it would go if i bought this up with her. basicly it sounds like this, "yea we are going to buy a house and have kids together and everything but sorry we dont have sex enough so im not sure about being in a relationship with you any longer" I dont know how she might react. this is i feel where my grow kind of complicates things because i dont think she would dob me in but at the same time i dont want to take the risk so i kind of feel stuck
  2. You actually have give your chick $50 to sleep with you?

    Man, that's rough.

    All of that sounds toxic as fuck. You should run for the hills.

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  3. yea im not really sure ay. i feel like i should and i also feel like im going to keep making excuses not to leave. reality is there is no good time to leave
    • Like Like x 2
  4. Well hopefully figure it out because an unhealthy relationship like that will just wear you down.

    Best of luck.

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  5. This sounds completely unhealthy. Get out of this situation, do not marry
    and have kids with this chick.
    • Like Like x 11
  6. You sound like a good man, and an honest man, so here's my honest response:

    Sex is critical to a succesful relationship, in my opinion, especially when you're young, it's the physical half of love and it isn't meaningless. If she's telling you that you need a girl on the side - and if her sex drive has dropped - regardless of whether she's cheating or not, there's a problem there. (I'm admittedly quick to suspicion and jealousy), but I've seen enough of women sticking around in relationships for the 'ease' or at least just 'having someone'. No offense to any women who read this, I'm sure men do the same, but I've noticed a pattern of a lot of women swinging from 'branch to branch' with relationships, like a monkey - they don't let go of the branch they're swinging away from until they have a solid grip on the branch they're swinging to.
    Usually, they're getting their sexual thrills other places - doesn't have to mean she's sneaking out to be with other men, but it's a cause for concern.

    So, with respect, this does not sound like a healthy relationship. It sounds directly unhealthy. I know these bonds are tight, and especially at that age, love and partnership is still a relatively new thing. Reading this as an outsider who's been in some unhealthy relationships, I'd strongly recommend putting your cards on the table, letting her know, and considering the breakup dependant on her reaction. Prepare your thoughts so you can phrase them elegantly, and engage with this woman. You can tell a lot about people on how they react to honest distress.

    If things don't work out, don't shy away from the breakup.
    Women are like music, you gotta go to a few different concerts and listen to a few different albums before you realize what you're really into. I've been in relationships I didn't realize were bad until after the fact, and for each fuck-up I've had with women, I've come one step closer to realizing exactly what in a woman I want. Each successive girl has been 'an improvement' on the last.

    I dunno if any of this is at all helpful, but I hope you get your situation worked out. Don't have kids with her for a good while yet for sure!

    PS Feel you on the farts thing
    • Like Like x 4
  7. when its all layed out like that in writing like that it really doesn't look that good does it.
    • Like Like x 2
  8. Yes! Echoes my exact sentiment from my last breakup a couple of years ago. No good moment to do it

    You seem to have an excellent sense of self-reflection, that's a gift that many people don't have and it keeps them in barrells of poo for longer than they have to be
    • Like Like x 1
  9. This sounds like quite a complex situation. Re-read what you wrote. Most outsiders would tell you to run for the hills.

    I must admit it's a little weird that you treat your Girlfriend like a prostitute by paying her for sex, it's really not meant to happen like that.

    I guess you need to find out what is causing her sex drive to diminish? Is she showing signs of depression? A few things you said could suggest that.

    Remember, just because you are in a relationship with a woman it doesn't mean you are going to get sex whenever you like. Most woman wont just drop their pants when they hear you are horny. My advice would be to treat her with some more respect, make her feel appreciated and wanted ( not just for sex) and talk to her. It sounds like you are both set in your ways and you need to inject a little life back in to your relationship.
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  10. yea thanks for that
    • Like Like x 1
  11. you are right here. she told me the exact thing. i have gotten really better lately. thats why we havent had sex latley. because you are right. i started to pester her. but ive stoped trying to initiate sex all the time and we are getting on well but she still just doesnt want to have sex.

    and to whoever asked about her having depression, yes she does have it, she is on fluoxatine i think. i believe this has side effects on sex drive which probably doesnt help
    • Like Like x 1
  12. No time like the present. Definitely a lot of red flags in that post and as they say in Bojack, "When you look at life through Rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags"
    • Like Like x 3
  13. that quote totally put my relationship into perspective. cheers man!
    • Like Like x 3
  14. Clearly the thing to do here is seeing if you can put her on the corner for more than $50 and pocket the difference yourself. Regularly.
    • Like Like x 1
  15. Depression can effect someone's sex drive. It sounds like you can get her mojo back. But it's going to take some time and a lot of patience from you. You need to try to get her in the mood without being forceful or seem like you are initiating sex. Let her come to you. Not to mention she probably feels like sex is a chore now.... since you paid her to do it... Sex should be something you both want.

    It's hard, because sexual frustration is a real thing! It's not nice and I know how difficult it can be. But this frustration shows, she can sense it and she's not getting turned on by it. It's turning her off more... Remember the first time you went out... the first time you got her in bed? That's what you are going to have to try and recreate.
    • Like Like x 1
  16. She takes your money for sex. What does that sound like? Not trying to be harsh but what is that similar too? Its ok to have a low sex drive or not want to have sex because of other things on your mind. But money is enough to get past that? Something isnt right.
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  17. Honestly... If i offered my wife 50 bucks for sex, all I would get is a nice hard slap across the face. Most women would be very very offended at that.
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  18. What he said.

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  19. If a girl, especially a gf, isn't trying to jump my bones frequently then I'm out. Too many out there that will. Abundance mentality, it's also true.
    • Like Like x 2
  20. Wait.. She farts.............

    yeah run for the hills.
    That disgusting piece of shit.

    Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum mobile app
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