1st rap, what do you think?

Discussion in 'Music genres, Bands and Artists' started by Pinkfloyd5434, Feb 7, 2009.

  1. :eek:Yeah this is the first rap i have ever written because my one friends wants me to flow with him so i thought i would.. its not finished.

    Writing the thoughts that come to mind
    making you motherfuckers eventually blind
    I smoke that kush and feel the push
    but its nothing like the feeling of a coke head rush
    see i try and melt the pain away
    good days are rare and typically fade
    the darkness that resides in my sould
    will undoubtably destroy all of you fools In time..
    Cause you dont know what I feel Inside me
    The hatred I feel so thoroughly
    It makes me smoke more trees
    but you see..
    I express my feelings verbally
    And Succeed.
    At times it feels like nothing is real
    The happiness I felt once is now concealed
    the struggles that i face everyday
    make me want to forget and fade away

    yeah i dont know if thats good, i dont really care haha. just tell me if i need some work on lyrics and it flows rigt in my head so if you dont see how it flows, im sorry.
  2. Not bad for a first timer,
    i enjoyed it.
    Practice on punch lines and the how you deliver them.
    Also, your ryhme scheme is pretty basic, but ill let that slip.
    Keep practicing and youll get there. :)
    Keep smoking, it helps :D
  3. ^^Not to much though. :D And don't become dependent on it to write.

    Not bad though. Listening to some good shit will do wonders for your wordplay.

    Who are your main influences?
  4. my main influence would probably have to be immortal technique. his lyrics are so inspiring. thank you for the feedback! yeah one day i was just walking around outside smoking a blunt and i layed out a freestyle that was amazing :smoke:
  5. Smoking always makes me rhyme like a beast

    Yeah your shit's tight though man for sure
  6. Not bad for your first time. Listen to some freestyle/battles. That shit helps

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