As new as they come

My attitude has changed dramatically in the past few months. I've done a complete 180.
For the first 19 years and two months of my life I had a very goodie two shoes straight edge attitude. I turned 19 in August so that's pretty much my entire life.

I never thought I would ever find drugs attractive and now I really want to try something. I never even had a cigarette and then I turned around and walked into a store called "420 zone" in Toronto.

I bought a small cheap bubbler and what I really wanted to be a genuine 1 gram bag of 20X salvia from 420 zone.



I had been reading about salvia and found out it was banned in Canada in 2010.

I also read that the law hadn't caught on. It is there on paper but many police officers aren't even aware of it and you can still walk into a shop and get it as if it were still legal.

I found that hard to believe but I wanted it to be true so when I went into a store that was selling Salvia I was hopeful and I bought it.

I didn't have any idea how I would obtain the drugs I wanted to try and I was under the impression that the easiest thing for me to obtain would be salvia divinorum if I could just get it in a store.



I tried to smoke the salvia. I read up on how to use a bubbler and I thought I got the idea but when I tried to do it I didn't get anything. I was a bit light headed but that was probably from the smoke in my lungs rather than in actual drug effect. I got no hallucinogenic effects. This was 20X. I should've gotten something.

Either the salvia was counterfeit or I smoked it wrong. Having never smoked even a cigarette before I couldn't hold it in very long because I coughed right away. I can barely hold a hit for 5 seconds. I'm lucky if I get that.

I've tried the salvia several times and nothing. I think I got ripped off.



I have a very limited social circle and I am having difficulty finding drugs. I want to try marijuana, a hallucinogen of any kind, and possibly Adderall.



My interest in drugs comes from a need to be in a different state. I've tried other things to do that. I've deprived myself of sleep and I liked the disorientated feeling. I've gobbled up over 2000 mg of caffeine tablets all at once.

I feel like being stuck in this same waking state all the time is very narrow. I need to hallucinate. I need to lose bodily awareness. Hallucinogens are my primary interest but I am also interested in trying marijuana to a lesser extent.


I asked one of the few friends I knew where I could get the drugs I'm seeking. He didn't give me great advice. He said that people often aproach others about drugs in Kensington market and if I hung out there long enough I'd probably end up meeting someone. That doesn't sound like the best idea.

He also suggested ordering something online. That's going to be a problem if I have to get it delivered because my parents might get it before I do. I'd have to set up a paypal account with my debit card to order anything online as well because I don't have a credit card.

I've only had two opportunities in the past where I could've found a source for drugs but these happened before my attitude changed and I turned them down. Now I wish I would get that kind of break. I wish I didn't turn the one that happened in May 2012. That was so recent and now it's less than a year later and if I got the same lead now I would investigate to try and find a source of substances. At the time I just ignored it.


I'm starting to get a bit frustrated. I can't find a source. I'm pathetic. Most people who want to do drugs find a source and I've been trying to find one for months without success. Why am I having so much difficulty? Am I really such a social outcast that I have nobody that knows anything?


I'm not going to sleep tonight. I won't sleep tomorrow night and if I can help it I won't sleep the night after that. Ideally I'll be up for 5 days straight because then I'll have serious hallucinations. I want to hallucinate or alter my perception so badly I'm willing to torcher myself with sleep deprivation to do it. It's not the best thing but what else do I have access to?


I'm new, interested, and frustrated when it comes to drugs. Since the salvia was fake I haven't even had my first non-prescription drug experience.