GC; Who am I, and where should I live next

Discussion in 'General' started by BadKittySmiles, Oct 24, 2011.

  1. I think this may be the first question I've posted here on GC :)

    Hello guys, I normally don't go into my personal life here, or where I'm from, what I do (or what I did) for a living.. but I feel like I'm at home here, and now that it's time to move, who better to ask!


    And I'd also like to share a little more about myself, so you guys know who I am, beyond just a person who cooks with the herb we love so much. :p

    In case you're not familiar with me here on the forums, this is where you can find a collection of my work;



    http://forum.grasscity.com/incredib...tive-glowing-hash-candy-canna-bombs-more.html

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    This is going to be a bit longer than the average two or three sentence post.... feel free to duck out now, if you're not interested in the life of, basically, a complete stranger. I won't be offended :D



    But let's also keep in mind that pointlessly cruel replies, 'cool story bro' and similar responses are against the rules at GC. So if this is too much effort for you to read, rather than going out of your way to be nasty about it, just click away. Thank you :)


    And mods, if this seems better suited for the medical section of the forum, feel free to move it... I was a bit unsure where I should post.




    ------------

    About me;

    I've moved around quite a bit, but I was born and raised in the north-eastern US. I paint and sculpt in my spare time, and have occasionally done so semi-professionally over the years. I enjoy writing, and I adore animals of all kinds... I tend to have quite the little 'family' at any given moment, whether it's snakes, frogs and lizards, or hundreds of fish. And of course, my cats. :D I love going fishing, being in nature and the outdoors. I enjoy the wilderness, just as much as I enjoy, and thrive in the big-city lifestyle.
    I can be a little too quiet at times, most of the time really, until it comes to something I'm passionate about, and then you often can't shut me up! I fight for the health of those around me, and I have a habit of putting the needs of others before my own, especially when it comes to my animals, my closest friends, and patients. I've been a bit under the weather for most of my life. I won't go into much detail about my experiences with 'doctors', but briefly, I've had the endoscopic cameras, blood work, the biopsies and various appointments, talks and visits with 'specialists'. I have an irregular and often painful heart beat, and for a time wore a heart monitor when I was younger.


    I haven't always been a huge fan of physicians in general, due mainly to a few of my experiences with them; I've been disturbed and disappointed, and for a period of time I generally lost my trust/faith in the majority of health care professionals.

    The few good doctors I've had, were always just about to transfer away after my first visit with them, and the rest seem not care so much about what's actually wrong with me, as much as they are interested in seeing just how many prescriptions they could convince me to take and try. And for the most part, I can't take many oral medications, which often leaves them annoyed and dismissive.


    ------------


    Around the time I first noticed how often I was unwell compared to others, and as I was beginning to see my at-the-time primary care physician, I had a little accident with a microwave (unrelated to being ill, of course).



    I was visiting my family for the holidays, when I decided to make a cup of tea. I hadn't been in their house for a very long time, and I was not aware the microwave had been 'acting up'. In less than 60 seconds, the water managed to 'superheat'.

    I removed it from the microwave, not yet knowing anything was wrong, and set it on the counter. Nothing happened. I dropped a teabag in... and then, the entire cup of superheated water, flash-vaporized directly into my face. When a microwave 'superheats' water, it means that is has been heated beyond the temperature water can exist in that state, for those who aren't aware what superheating means. Usually the resulting explosion occurs with the least bit of movement, or it happens while still contained in the microwave, but I was not so lucky. It happened within a foot or two of my face, and it blew up with enough force, to shatter the cup.


    The pain was excruciating. My family had to lie, and use an old, expired insurance card, in order to convince the ER to treat me.

    Once they did admit me, I was left alone with my mother, who applied and reapplied ice-cold clothes to my face, while the nurses and doctors did nothing but stand around chit-chatting among themselves. An hour and a few black-outs later, I was finally given a morphine IV in the only physical interaction I had with a nurse or doctor in the ER. I was then told that I needed to see a 'cosmetic surgeon immediately for laser skin treatments' or I would 'never look normal again'.

    The following day they called and made plans for me to see a specialist, while I was on hold, they discovered I did not have the insurance they thought I did. Almost immediately after I was told how necessary cosmetic surgery would be, I was informed that tylenol would be fine, and no surgery was really required.



    I was billed roughly $3,400.00 for a bucket of ice water, a small rolling cot located in a busy hallway, a shot of morphine, and a handful of lies. :eek: Suffice it to say, between that experience and a few others along the same lines, I've had a tough time knowing who I can trust in the medical field!

    (In case you were wondering, they were wrong about my needing laser surgery.. My skin is still sometimes painful, even years later, but besides the slight loss of eyebrow hair which I can 'sculpt' to look almost intentional, lol, for all intensive purposes the skin on my face looks normal. It's a good thing they discovered I had no insurance... I have a feeling I probably would have been left with scarring, if I decided to allow them to laser my burned skin.)


    ----


    Some of you, mostly those who frequent the edible section, may have noticed that I haven't been on the forum or answering questions as much. I also haven't been keeping up with my private messages, as well as I should... I let my inbox hit 100% (full), and left it that way for almost a week!


    I'm sorry I haven't been around as much. I've been getting a bit worse lately, partly because I've been deteriorating slowly ever since I noticed I was ill, but mainly because I've been low on my meds... I only have a small crop coming in, but not for a few weeks from now.

    On lowered intake my symptoms wreak havoc on my body and mind. As it is, I am typing this with one eye open and the other pinched shut, because I have serious eye issues that seem to coincide with my arthritis, and today my right eye especially is absolutely KILLING ME! Sometimes, it's all I can do to keep from plucking them out of my skull, lol. I love to read and write, but can't do so as often as I used to. I become very distracted by my eye irritation, and my writing/work suffers for it.



    It may look like I have a lot of access to the wonderful herb, but I tend to donate too much, too fast from time to time. While I am in a medical state, we are very far behind some of the more thriving areas. So it may seem that I have a lot of herb and supplies when I put up my tutorials, but I have always grown my own and have been a contributor or donator, I've never been one to ask for help, repayment, or even advice. I'm a little too proud for my own good most of the time. :p I've only performed at 'underground' seminars, I have only educated patients without charging them, and I have only ever contributed and provided 'under the table' for clinics and facilities, usually only across state borders. I have -never- been in this for money, and foolishly, I did not consider my own future when devoting what time, health and financial stability I had over the years to others who (at the time) were in more need than I.
    Sometimes, I wish I'd made better choices.

    If I ever abused cannabis, and did what I do for myself, and for a few patients at a time, for any kind of serious profit or notoriety, I'd be in a very different place... I often imagine how it would be to have shoes and a wardrobe less than a decade old, how I would be able to more frequently afford to feed myself the kinds of foods that I can digest without pain, I think about how I would be able to afford to keep up with a vehicle to at least get myself to doctors appointments, now that I'm willing to go.

    But one of my biggest regrets is that I may soon have to stop caring for the people I feel compelled to help. It's frustrating to feel.. to -know-, that if I had taken better care of myself, if I had seen another doctor or two, if I had invested in my future more wisely, that I could take more and better care of those I love and care about now.


    Without cannabis, I am positive that I would have been long gone, years ago.





    I'll share a bit on what I go through, each day:

    I need to sleep with a waste bin next to the bed. When I wake up each morning I become incredibly, painfully nauseous, and frequently have terrible headaches. I almost always feel some level of pain throughout my entire body, but particularly in the mornings. I'm generally very ill for the first two hours of every day, longer if I have to wake up by an alarm, before I wake 'naturally'. The bin, is for the several times a month that I wake up, and immediately have to roll over and become physically sick. Usually this lasts for several hours. This has been going on consistently since I was a teenager... I'm amazed that I finished school without medicating at all. At the time, besides that I did not realize how much it could help, I thought cannabis would negatively effect my ability to learn. (Boy was I mistaken!)

    There is frequently blood present when I am physically ill, endoscopic procedures have been unable to find the source. I used to have serious insomnia and anxiety issues from the anticipation of becoming ill each day, I usually tend to feel best late at night after medicating, and moving around all day... right up until the point that I start feeling tired. But now, I'm tired and nauseous almost all the time.


    Once I've managed to get my head and stomach together, I get out of bed and do a short series of stretches to get my circulation going and to try and shake off some of the pain in my muscles and joints. That is all business as usual, but when I have my 'attacks', usually occurring a few times per month without added stress, or a few times per week if things are hectic, they are much worse than my morning nausea; I vomit until long after I've emptied the contents of my stomach, and dry-heave persistently (sometimes for several hours at a time). About an hour into an attack, I tend to first go numb in my arms and legs, and especially my hands and feet, then pain and tingling sets in, I have horrible chest pains, still dry-heaving, and finally, several hours later I (thankfully) black out. I've woken up in the bottom of the shower, with the water still running hours later, more times than I can count.


    My attacks sometimes occur out of the blue, and while I always feel some amount of pain after eating, I have a different kind of specific pain and attack when I eat certain foods, in particular corn chips and certain (but not all) breads and pastas, and most freezer products.




    I also used to play video games frequently, they were one of my favorite stress-relievers, but I need to be careful now and use smooth movements and a good frame rate, as the games I once loved now cause serious nausea, tingling, light-headedness (especially when others are playing!).

    Even when driving, even if I am the person operating the vehicle, that can trigger attacks as well. Sometimes when the attacks occur, especially if they begin while I am sleeping, my teeth begin grinding or pressing together so hard and awkwardly on the points of my canines, that I worry they'll shatter, and for the life of me I can not open my mouth to stop it. I wake up panicking that I'll need to go to the dentist, but have no way to get there, when that happens. I've considered that I may be having mild seizures.

    I have a distinct memory from when I was very, very young, of standing up too-suddenly directly under a board, which had the end of a nail protruding about 2 and a half inches out, and smashing my head so hard that it hit the board itself.... I still remember my mother panicking over this at the time, but a few decades later, by the time I asked her about that time as an adult, she had either blocked it out or was in denial. (I've also half-considered that it could have been a vivid dream, lol.)



    To put the level of discomfort I'm in on a frequent basis, into terms that may be easier for you folks to understand.... you know those times, when you are -so- ill, and you are -so- nauseous, and you are in -so- much pain, that you either begin making promises to a god (who you may or may not even believe in) that you'll be a better person, if only it would stop hurting, or you think, 'This is it, I'm not going to make it out of this one' and you're actually glad that it may all be over soon?


    Not counting my daily morning nausea and minor attacks here and there, I feel that bad at least three to five times a month, best case scenario, and up to every other day or two if I'm low on smoke/edibles, and times are tough. And times have certainly been tough lately.

    ----

    The above may help to explain why I sometimes disappear from GC for a while, and why I sometimes delay in answering all my private messages when I still manage to make a post or two on the site.
    Without my regular and usually-high cannabinoid intake, I've gone from being very active, to only leaving the house twice, in the last thirty days. It's all I can do to take care of my plants, go downstairs to take care of the cats, and get something to eat myself. Without enough edibles and smoke, I'm a wreck. I'm down to an edible per week, give or take, and a bowl every other morning to take the edge off, from two to three edibles and several bowls per day. When I have and can take my meds at that increased rate, I feel like I can take on the world. Without them, my symptoms are back in full force, and I can barely take on making lunch.

    ------------

    Back to my story...

    Eventually, I had to stop working conventional jobs. At the time I came to this conclusion, I was a 'customer service advocate' and 'balance transfer specialist' at a bank and credit card company, working towards management and educating 'the new troops (hires)'. I had to take a urinalysis to be hired, and they threatened random drug testing, so medicating was only possible infrequently and that, in and of itself, caused me a little stress and worry. I carried a home made detox kit with me to work each and every day. The medical center where the tests were performed was only up the street about 200 yards, so a test could happen literally whenever they asked. I was a bit better off back then, health-wise, but not by all that much.


    After a while, my superiors invited me to a meeting, where I was first publicly shamed in front of the regional and district managers for being ill and untimely, and I was then forced to choose between quitting my job of my own accord, which I obviously needed to pay my bills, or to go on short-term disability. This happened after I started showing up to work later, and later, and I began spending more and more time in the restroom while on the clock. But there was a straw that broke the camels back.

    The meeting came about immediately after one snowy, icy, winter's day. On my way to work, I barely avoided being in a wreck with an eighteen wheeler. I came in anyhow to find a large staff meeting beginning in the public hall in the entrance, near the cubicles. Dizzy and shaken up, I was not allowed to use the restroom to collect myself and had a severe attack in my managers cubicle, in front of most of the staff. This part may be a little graphic for some.. I then begged to be allowed to finish the attack in the bathroom, while I could still walk to get myself there, and wound up becoming sick on the floor of the bathroom stall, which left a lot of blood behind that I could not clean up.. even while I was still sick and shaking, I tried to clean it and hide the evidence, but it only made matters worse. At home, I normally just be sick in the toilet and I could allow myself a few hours to recover before cleaning up after myself, if needed. But that wasn't exactly possible in a public area, with people coming in and out. I was given a ride home before they noticed the state of the bathroom. The following day, I had my meeting.
    My disability pay only lasted 6 months, I spent as little and added as much to the bank, as I could, and in the end I was not allowed to return to work. Since then, I've been living primarily on my savings. At the time I figured what little I'd saved was probably about all I had time for, anyhow.

    But I've always tried to make lemonade from the lemons life hands me, and my time off gave me the opportunity to medicate, to learn how to medicate better, and it gave me the opportunity to travel, study, and learn more and more about the herb I love so dearly. :)


    ---

    And that's a little about me, my condition/s, and why I do what I do here for others who may be in the same position :)



    At this point I need to start taking better care of myself, so I need to find a thriving location where skilled physicians are abundant, and where I could finally contribute openly and 100% legally (well, legally besides federally-speaking, lol) with a clinic. Somewhere that I could earn at least a living wage, in addition to making donations. I will never stop helping those who can't afford to help themselves, but I am in a position now where that is no longer possible, until I am not struggling to get by myself.




    -----


    There are two main reasons why I'm asking you folks for advice, and why I've decided to share a bit more about myself; because I trust and value your opinions as a community, and because I am in something of an emergency situation and need to take action ASAP.

    I'm at the point now where I can barely afford to move out, and unfortunately just a few days ago, the realtor in charge of what was once 'my house', has informed me that in less than 3 weeks I need to vacate this house, as it is apparently going back to the bank.




    That is another story in and of itself, but I'll offer a short piece of advice; make sure you understand and accept the risks involved, if you ever agree to help a family member or friend pay off their mortgage.



    I thought I did. But where it's come down to the worst possible outcome, I find myself feeling helpless, and completely unprepared.


    I invested the last of my savings in what turned out to be, essentially, a scam purported in tandem by both an old significant other, and worse, one of my one of own flesh and blood... by one of the few people I thought I could trust in this world.

    They are both now out scot-free, to live their lives and enjoy the same security, health and income they've always had, with few to no penalties, and I'm left with nothing. It's my own fault for being trusting enough to gamble the last of my good health and financial stability on people I should have known better than to trust, who've given me no reason to trust them for as far back as I can remember.



    So, now that you know a little about me, my current situation, my past, and what I go through day to day, where do you folks think I should go from here? Normally I'd just pack up my animals, then hop on a plane and take off, but it's not going to be so easy this time, and as much as I'd like to head over seas again, it would probably be for the best that I say in the continental US for now.



    I am currently living in a medical state in the north-east US, near the coast. I'd like to try Colorado. Thoughts? Or even California, as I've had a bit of experience donating to and helping out folks who run small and honest clinics on the west coast, but to be completely honest, I know virtually nothing of the area myself and I've only visited and flown through LA briefly.


    Feel free to message me privately, if you'd like to share any benefits or information on your own personal location, but don't feel safe or comfortable sharing that info with the entire forum.

    It would be great to meet up with another well-placed member of the community, so I could be given the 'grand tour' of the town I move to. :) After all, when I moved to Australia in the first place, it was mainly because a fellow moderator at the forum I was contributing to at the time, invited me. :p




    And hey, if anyone here gives me some solid life-changing advice that works out well, I'd be more than happy to include you by name, or initials and home town (or whatever you prefer and feel safest with) in the dedication and thank-you page of the printed recipe book once it's been published. :) Heck, if things go well enough, I'll single you out from the 'pack' and dedicate an entire recipe to you on that recipe's page. :p Don't worry, I'll give you a few options, so you don't get stuck having a recipe dedicated to you that you don't even like.


    Once my life settles down, after the move, publishing and getting copies of the book out is my first priority. :D



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    TL;DR.... BSI ( ie. Too Long, Didn't Read, But Still Interested.. lol) - I'm looking for a new medical state to live in, one where I can see good doctors, and where I can have a better chance at getting my life back on track.



    And why not... if you've kept with me this long, through a huge post of epic proportions, you may as well have a glimpse of who you're talking to.

    The photo was taken about a week ago; I cropped off enough to keep myself from being too-obviously recognizable... Normally I would NEVER post, or recommend that anyone else post a photo like this. But I'm thinking at this late date, I don't have much to hide or worry about :)




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    Thanks for your time guys, and for any help or insight you may have to offer!

    And sorry for the long post, hopefully it was at least interesting for a few of you. :) - BKS
     
  2. Looooong post... :p

    But damn, your cooking looks top notch.

    As far as moving; Colorado would be my preference what with the mountains there, but seeing as i'm not an American, I wouldn't put too much stock in that opinion. Still, good luck with everything and keep us updated.
     
  3. Colorado I've never heard anything bad about it, well neither about cali. I'm in the same spot looking to move to one of these states.
     
  4. Wow sorry about your health. I hope everything gets better after the move. Personally, I'd recommend Colorado, not only for the MMJ laws, but also just for keeping morale up. Big beautiful state, fresh clean air, and towering mountains. Hope all is well.
     
  5. CO is the best state in this country man, it's beautiful and the oxygen is the cleanest purest essence ever. Walking outside everyday and getting a huge rush of mountain air up your nostrils followed by some piney herb gives you the most natural zen all day long. CO is the absolute shit.
     
  6. omg so how can i try any of your edibles ?! they look so yummy =)
     
  7. holy christ that was long but i did read all of it, well my mom has a form of arthiritis where she has to give herself shots every day or when i was younger she wouldve been basically paralyzed in a wheel chair unable to move. Anyway shes fine now and has been for a long time. About moving, my grandma and cousins live in colorado springs which is really nice, the just area in general is just so nice like for example i live in houston and its just fucking concrete everywhere in the spring theres, trees, great air, mountains and its just nice. Colorado ive visited san diego and san fransisco and theyve got some really friendly people in san fran atleast. when i was there being a regular tourist people would come up to me and my family and ask if i needed directions or anything which was chill. all of cali is really nice but ive heard its really expensive to live in. Also im not sure on this topic but the state of cali is trying to shut down all of its dispensaries? Also the whole state is bankrupt. Id say colorado is your best choice, move to denver. My uncle also has some kinda of naesua disorder thing kinda like you had, most mornings he pukes his guts out, he takes medicine that helps but not completely, its supposed to be some disorder realted to him being nervous or something. not really sure though. hope this helps at all
     
  8. I vote for VT. or RI. because they are both driving distance from me and you can turn all my AVB and stems into works of 420 food art!
     
  9. ^this^
     
  10. Looks like we have a few votes for Colorado! :)


    Thanks so much for taking the time to read my giant post! I didn't realize just how long it was until after I submitted it... I sort of worried that it would be asking a little much, expecting anyone to read it all. :p Thank you again.

    Colorado is sounding better and better all the time, I would consider Rhode Island (I actually like the Warwick area, or at least I did years ago.. I had family in the vicinity when I was younger :D ), but I don't believe they have any of the three permitted clinics up and running just yet, with their governor dragging his heels and all. It would be an easy move, that's for sure. I'm just a few hours from RI now :)
     
  11. Man this talk about CO makes me wanna move there, and I'm from CA.
     
  12. I know what you mean.. I've lived all over the place, and CO is sounding just about as tempting, as moving back to Australia (and it is AMAZING over there!) :p
     
  13. Never really been many places, Cali is say no Feds are really trying to shut things down and show there force, Colorado sounds like the place to be IMO... I mean shyt they need to do the world a favor and get rid of the law but that means the government would have to admit they have been wrong for so long and that will never happen... If they were to legalize it they would have to reconstruct they whole thought process, seeing as how mj is the supposed gate way drug...
     
  14. I got scared when I starting reading about the microwave.... :p then I stopped reading :eek:
    Some real nice cooking though!
     
  15. hey kitty, yes i read the whole thing..... :)

    im also from the north east, ct, and moved away...currently on the other side of the atlantic but that will be changing in the next few months.

    you made a comment about needing to be in an area where you can provide mj to patients or clinics...

    in colorado, you cant do that....the laws there state that only specific growers can provide mj to patients. these growers cannot use the medicine themselves, and have to be on video 24/7 with their plants. many security measures need to be in place to get the permission to do it. some of these can cost 10's of thousands of dollars...

    i truly understand your passion for our medicine and wanting to help people with it. BUT, and its a BIG BUT....you need to take care of yourself.

    basing a move on the ability to legally distribute the medicine, is kinda crazy. you have very specific needs for yourself and your life, and those needs are not always compatible with providing medicine for others.

    with that said, i have a couple cities on my list of possible places to move to, and denver rides the top of that list, in the number 2 spot (depending on my mood, maybe #1)

    based on very thorough research (and travel) on nearly every major metro area in the country ive come up with the top 2 cities based on numerous factors, but the most important factors were economy and lifestyle.

    the number one choice (usually) is dallas. this based on cost of housing, standard cost of living, unemployment numbers, things to do, social aspect is great. the downsides are the lack of natural beauty....as i am like you and love the outdoors and beautiful scenery this is its biggest downfall. it is also not a mmj state. (but a short note on that fact, mj will not be illegal for much longer, we are currently in that period of transition out of prohibition, and after the 2012 election you can be pretty much assured that things will change)

    the second choice is denver....what denver has that dallas doesnt is the ability to grow your buds without much worry, it has natural beauty that the majority of the country can only dream it had. it also has a higher cost of living, higher housing costs, less jobs and industry (direct comparison to the #1 city dallas)

    dallas also has some of the best medical facilities in the world. there are major hospitals in almost every neighborhood. with specialists of all kinds everywhere.

    as far as your other issues, which i know quite a bit about personally...again you need to worry about and focus on yourself...

    right now, today nov 2 2011, you are the leading expert in canna-recipes. this makes your book very valuable. your focus should be on completion of it and subsequent publishing of it. this will bring you much more money than you know what to do with.

    if this is something i can help with, either to push you to finish, edit, or helping getting it published, let me know how i can help you.

    im sending you a pm now about something a bit more personal...
     
  16. #16 SteevoJolly, Nov 2, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 2, 2011
    Oopsie
     
  17. I highly recommend Detroit. Hell, you can live with me till you get set up. We have mmj, the best hospitals in the country, all the beautiful nature you can handle and I run this town. I can hook you up with the best growers in town, they taught me how to grow. Offer stands. I'm sure my wife wouldn't mind having another female around for a while. PM me if you wanna discuss further. I found your story to be quite moving and I love helping out fellow blades in their time of need.
     
  18. Fuck that was a long post but I did infact read the whole thing .. and I'm truly sorry for the tough times u are facing now as we have all been through them at some point in time...but as far as your situation I vote for cali I've lived here my whole life and I love it I mean you have beautiful weather nearly all year and people are friendly (just not in la lol) there's tons of stuff to do here tons of weed lots of amazing lowkey beautiful places to visit and its a very friendly med state with huge numbers of dispenseries... Overall cali is a get laid back place to live and as far as getting a place here its not to bad and not that expensive if ur not trying to find a place in berverly hills lol u can get a nice house here in san Diego with lots of extra private late and will no one bother u ur animals will have lots of place to roam free and u can ealisy set up a nice grow.... And I can show u along as u dip ur feet in cali is a very stoned friendly enviorment I'm sure u will love as much as I do :cheers from cali
     
  19. I forgot to mention Detroit has the lowest cost of living you will find in the states. I bought my house for thirty grand and it's nice and in a nice neighborhood. Fifteen hundred square feet all brick all wood floors all new windows all new heating and ac. You won't find a cheaper place to live anywhere.
     
  20. [quote name='"SteevoJolly"']I forgot to mention Detroit has the lowest cost of living you will find in the states. I bought my house for thirty grand and it's nice and in a nice neighborhood. Fifteen hundred square feet all brick all wood floors all new windows all new heating and ac. You won't find a cheaper place to live anywhere.[/quote]

    Detroit has a nice neighborhood? Where?
     

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