...last night with nothing to do me and my buddy decided to go on an adventure. We stopped at every shit-hole bar (and 1 nice one) we could find to check it out...after stopping at 10+ bars we only found 2 (1 nice one and a shit-hole) where meeting our standards... First stop was some organic pizza place...It was 9:45 and their bar closed at 10:00. We asked the tender if he minded and he didn't care because 3 of his employees (Hippo, Buffalo and Twigs) were sitting there drinking and he said they weren't going to be done any time soon...2 double jacks on the rocks and 2 pints of 1554 later we got our tab comped and I managed to get a beer in a to-go cup. On the way out the door Hippo and Buffalo yelled so I turned around...Twiggs wanted nothing to do with it but they asked us what we were doing and if we wanted to go back to their place...I probably had a look of disgust on my face but I kindly said that we're off to the next bar and that they were welcome to join us, they declined (success!) but wanted a hug and I wanted to get away from them...age range of that bar 21-35. On to the next bar! We drove around some more....after 30min of driving around and peeking in bar windows we find another acceptable bar. It's some shit-hole with some awesome patrons. We walk in and sit at a table next to this guy who is in his late 60's and obviously was trashed. When we walked in he was tearing pieces off his receipt and throwing them into the trash can by the bar...while he's doing that he's yelling things like "MOTHER FUCKING SCOTTIE PIPPEN" and "KOBE BRYANT CANT DO SHIT BUT RAPE WHITE CHICKS". After throwing all his paper in the trash he wants to 'bump' fists and starts talking about how much the guy singing Karaoke sucks. He decides he's going to sing next...he gets a pool cue for air guitar and goes to town on his song and tears it up...after the song is over he screams "FUCK YOU EVERYONE, GOODNIGHT" and throws the mic full force onto the floor and walks out...he ruined Karaoke for everyone since he broke the mic. We decided that place was just too awesome to leave so we ordered another pitcher. We made the right choice. We didn't see the 400lb guy at the end of the bar until he got up to go outside to smoke. When he walked by us he had the biggest wedgie and was using everyone and everything as a crutch to get to the door so he could smoke. He tried to use some old lady and she fell over, he almost fell over and plowed a table in the process knocking over a bunch of glasses and making a huge mess...even after that they didn't cut him off. Around 1:00-1:30 the bar sluts rolled in. Awesome hispanic tranny looking ladies hitting on everything in sight trying to make some cash. I blew a kiss at one and she came over and started talking about all the neat things she can do with his/her tongue so I asked him/her for a demonstration. She leaned in and I quickly stopped her and told her not on me, I pointed to the old guy who was sitting alone at the bar and told him/her to "go put in work". She held out his/her hand like I owed her something for what she was about to do so I reached into my pocket and dumped whatever change I had into the open palm she had extended. She was pretty mad about that but being the slut she is she went over and licked the fuck out the old guy's ear. The old guy turned around and had the biggest smile on his face, I couldn't hold in my laughter either could my friend. She came back over and asked if we liked what we saw...I laughed some more. On the completion of the last pitcher the tender came over and asked us if we wanted a 6 pack to go since it was almost last call, FUCK YEAH I WANT A 6 PACK TO GO (I'm still questioning the legality of that)! On the way out the door another old guy fell over and almost busted his head...we decided to head back home. We now know where to go for an awesome time on a Saturday night. Age range of that bar...24-80 (me and my buddy were easily the youngest there) Bars in/near/around/close to retirement communities are FUCKING AWESOME! Fuck yuppie, trendy bars that are filled with a myriad of tools who want to do nothing but fight and 'look cool'...when I go out I just want to have a good time, laugh at some shit and not have to worry about offending some jackass in a TapOut or Affliction shirt. All-in-all it was a great night, good times...
I forgot I took a video of our drunken friend at the 2nd bar... [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t34uObp5Ff4"]YouTube[/ame]