Need advice for a drug test using the substitution method

You can do tons of searches on the internet and come up with lots of bullshit. In this tough economy, any job opportunity deserves our best efforts. This means preparing for an inevitable urinalysis.

My experience: I once stayed at a place for 2 months where I had to submit to weekly urinalyses. I smoked cannabis almost daily and always passed with substitution. I also used substitution to pass several pre-employment drug tests.

You're on the right track. I've known people who have used shampoo bottles and heating pads and such and passed, but I do not have personal experience with that particular method. The method I describe below worked for me.

Here's what you'll need:
Purell 2oz travel sanitizer. (or equivalent)
Thermometer. (digitals work great!)
Total cost: about $10

Wash out the Purell bottle. Keep filling the little bottle with warm/hot water and taking constant temperature until you get the water to 97 degrees Fahrenheit. That's how warm your pee should be.

Put the Purell bottle full of water between your scrotum and anus. Do it as soon as possible to keep it warm. Now, go walk around your house. Sit down. Watch some TV. Kill some time for an hour or so. Get used to having this thing in your pants.

When the hour is up, take that bottle out of your crotch and take the temperature. It will be 97 degrees. You don't need warmers or hot water. Your body will keep the urine the correct temperature as long as you wear some tighty whities or at least some boxer briefs to help keep the bottle close to your skin. I say us a Purell bottle because they give a lot of surface area against your taint/gooch/whateverthatspotiscalled.

Practice a few times if you want. Practice pouring the hot water into a small cup quietly and quickly in the bathroom. The point is to gain confidence that you can do it and not be scared. You don't bring the thermometer into the testing room with you. You do it all by knowing from the practice.

2oz is important because most testing facilities want AT LEAST 2oz of urine to fill 2 little tubes. The 2oz Purell filled to the top is the perfect amount to give.

On the day of the test, you need to get the pee the right temperature. Do this by putting hot water in a cup and placing the bottle full of pee in the hot water. Let it sit for a few minutes and then take it out and shake it. Then take the temperature. It's hit or miss. If you get it too hot, pour the pee out into disposable dixie cup or something that you can swirl around and blow on to lower the temp and keep trying to get between 90-100 degrees. 97 is your target. Your body will do the rest. The testers are looking for 2oz of pee between 90-102 degrees.

After that, just walk in with the bottle in place with the urine already at the right temp. (You can drive to the test with it in your undies.) They can't watch you pee. They stand outside the door and time you. Pour the urine in the cup. Put the bottle back in your pants. Pee your real pee in the toilet. Give them the pee. Sign the paperwork. Good to go.

Fun facts:
You can use clean pee from males or females. They can't tell if they're pregnant or between sexes.

You should store pee in the refrigerator, or in the freezer if needing to save it for longer than a week or so. You can re-freeze unused pee after defrosting. (Though that makes it smell.)

I'm very stoned and I'm typing this post while sitting on my leather chair butt ass naked. Don't leave pee out in room temperature. Pee can last at room temperature for a few hours, but after that it starts to stink. It's perfectly usable as a substitute, but reeks like pissy hell.

Make sure to buy your buddy lunch, or something nice. It's always best to make sure you thank the person who helped you get that job by making sure you didn't get automatically disqualified because you love cannabis.




Congrats on the job. Best of luck to you.

 

^^^^^ that was an awesome post!! I took the 500g (i think) of niacin 2days before a test. That burns as hell.