Are these experiences merely indications of some mental happening like TLS? If they are being generated from within, as some kind of hallucinatory experience, then we need to re-evaluate what we mean when we say reality, as it can clearly be so outside 'normal' experience, that who's to say you're not experiencing what you think is reality, when in fact it may be going on inside you without you ever knowing it? That last experience involved seeing the same world but almost from another dimension, where other people, vehicles, didn't exist in it. Rather then it just being something I felt and saw, it involved being touched too. At no time did I notice any difference in myself, either before, during or afterwards. I merely accepted this strange occurrence had happened, that it was now over, and carried on with my life (I did immediately make a note about it in my journal). So, if I continue posting in this thread, there's not much point just revealing more of the same unless they bring something else to the table. What if other, independent people can be part of them too? There are 2 more I could tell you about. One involves being observed by someone as I went through something similar to Thailand, and what she saw while I did. The other involves ending up with something physical, in the form of money, when I really needed it.
Wow!! This thread shows what happens when you get a bunch of people with hypergraphia. LOL!! Some long shit. A couple of years ago, I tried being the Al Sharpton of Epileptics. It seems silly, but I just wanted to help people like me out. From trying to go after Al Roker ( he should have been fired) to trying to mention about Natalie Holloway's seizure and the effect it had on her disappearance, I was really dedicated to the Cause. But this is the stuff I find more interesting. Trying to make sense of the seizures, and trying to figure out if there is some higher purpose for them. When I posted "My Deal with God", as an Epileptic I am not sure if I did really feel the power of an Almighty Being, or if it was my brain hallucinating due to seizures. Either way, the feeling was so powerful it left me in tears. My question is Should it matter if it was TLS or another being? This feeling put me on a path to discover something that could benefit society as a whole, and made me a better person. I feel the fact I have epilepsy ( I am about as proud an Epileptic as they come) should not matter, and its the work that should matter. But in this country, that won't be the case. Its a kind of scary thought putting my illness out there for people to dissect. That part does not sound fun. But I just don't see anyone else doing this work, and it kind of sucks. Oh well. I will just do my best and hope things work out. I fucking love my seizures, and all that they did for me. This is not to say I enjoyed them during the clusters, or the falling down flights of stairs. It was scary and painful shit, and there is hardly anything a person can do. 1/3 of patients don't respond well to medications, which means 1/3 of the patients are being told it is there fault. I hate doctors ( I call them monkeys) and these idiots really fucked me up. The stigma attached to epilepsy is never going to go away. We will remain sick, and do out best to cope with our illness. But there was a time when I thought if I can help turn Santa into a tool for charity, and show the public that it was due to an Epileptic brain, society might look at people with seizures differently. They might understand that if we are given just a little bit of help, or "reasonable accommodations", we could be productive members of society.
Seems like it's a common trend that the meds and the doctors fuck you up along the way. Makes sense though as they always think they know something. They feel the need to label, and once they have, perhaps with good intentions, let the pharmaceuticals in on the action, and we know they're only in it for the most noblest of reasons. For me, I've never been a danger to either myself or someone else, and while having experiences like this might make me seem strange, what's wrong with being strange? I accept the way I am as part of being who I am. I'm happy to talk about it, with anyone really, and have mentioned it a few times, here and there. But I'd never take a prescribed med for it, unless I had no choice that is, or they were suggesting I use my favourite herbal product. They're still way more mystical then material as far as I'm concerned.
To have a vision during a seizure, is still having a vision. To seize someone's vision, declare it an 'abnormal' event. When a tribesman had a vision, they would become a medicine man. When anyone has a vision in society today, they say, "you need medicine, man". I wonder how many visionaries today are in medicated prisons? Buddha, if born in the modern west, would have been arrested for 'disorderly conduct' and force-fed an intravenous feeding tube, filled with pork fat and Haloperidol. Good luck starting a religion when that gets leaked to the press. If you see the truth trumping the illusion, and feel at one with all, they have a pill for that now. You may be experiencing Restless Euphoria Syndrome.
its fucked. freedom is such a fucking illusion in this country if youre honest with yourself about your greedy Human nature, than you can see how it could easily corrupt the fuck out of the major powers in the world. if you lie to yourself, then you are automatically cynical about any extreme wrongdoings that come to your attention. at the end of the day i can rest my head though because i know god has a plant i mean plan for us.
Then whats the secret? How do you good in this world if you had one of these visions in this day and age? I look at "reality TV", and how the press puts people like Snooki on a pedestal. Its not that I am jealous. I just think there are better people doing better things to promote. Honestly, I really hate the press. So, if a good guy trying to do a good thing can't get noticed, what am I supposed to do? Should I dress up like Santa, build a snowman at an elementary school while in session ( the visual would be stunning) and then proceed to have sex with the snowman? I am sure this would be a huge YouTube hit, and though I might get arrested, the message would get out. Unfortunately, I am against this type of promotion. Its why in seven years, there are only a couple of things on the internet about me. I don't think I need some fancy gimmick to let the people know that they own the image of Santa, and if used properly, could generate a lot of goodwill. But hey, I am crazy, so what do I know.
esseff- thanks for taking us along on your journey my mind is a fucking mess right now.... sorting it out best i can.... "in the back of a reason...in the back of my mind... where i piled up the seasons...that i traded for times...." fuckit-here .... i have been following this band since i was 15 years old.....^^that quote=this song [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0FawK4G_AY&feature=related]Savatage- "Somewhere in Time" & "Believe" - YouTube[/ame] So I plot and I plan And I hope and I scheme To the lure of a night Filled with unfinished dreams And I'm holding on tight To a world gone astray As they charge me for years I can't pay --------------------------------------------------- [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rZS2xcL6io&feature=related[/ame]
thats just it... there are no fucking secrets! it is all just cut and dry force fed bulshit...... all the mystery fades quickly once you get a look behind the fucking curtain.... everything we thought was magic...everything we thought was pure....is the same damn dust as everything elts......spiraling endlessly onward toward some long lost metaphor we are prisoners trapped in this ever decaying flesh.... stuck in a world where having the best of intentions is a great way to make sure the whole world shits right on you there is no fucking secret..... ither you have the will to pick up and move on regardless of the shit this mess puts on your plate...... or you succumb to it all ...and lose yourself in conformity.... be like us ...play our game.... we know whats right for you..... fuck some times it is hard to live inside my fucking skin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! some times its hard not to simply tear it all off....... all the answers......have always been right in front of your face....all you have to do is see them...... i couldnt possibly agree with you more...... [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YiGK3GFhOTg]Suicidal Tendencies - "Alone" - YouTube[/ame]
so fucking often....when the world is being a bit fizzy round me..... when it is hard to keep my thoughts on track.... i can hear music that is not there for anyone but me..... i can hear the guitar crying out to me from with in the background static that surrounds us all the time.... i can let it play on its own.....and simply listen and follow along to bits a pieces of songs i have heard before ....and to songs that only exist inside my mind.... i can pick ...and hear anything i want..... i cant remember yesterday so well.....fuck the last 6 years are a blur...and im not even so sure about before that at all..... but i can remember every note of every song i have ever heard.... i would get into trouble when i was in elementary school....because i could remember every word to every song on the radio but couldnt remember my spelling words..... i was always in trouble for some shit i couldnt remember doing..... yeah fuck you assholes! i really couldnt fucking remember..... i wasnt fucking lying.... maybe if you had once in a while payed alittle attention...someone mite have noticed that there was something wrong............ but no.... always too caught up in your own fucking ignorance to notice a thing like your child living in a dream world....rarely attached to what you consider reality at all...... a few months ago....this past may.... someone asked about intense dreams and TLE...... i told them about a dream i still to this day remember from before i could talk...i had this dream for years..... you know i cant remember yesterday so well....but i can remember shit from before i could talk with perfect clarity...... so i told them about this dream....and they asked me if i wanted to be on a TV show....called nightmares decoded.....you may have heard of it? so i figure fuck it why not? go talk to a dream annalist in front of a camera...and see what they can make of a tiny bit of the mess in my head? mite be fun yes? so here is what i sent about me and dreams... ok so the bold is the dream that i talked to this guy about...... now...i have many times in my life told people that i felt i had dreamed my whole life before i could talk....and especially all the people i would meet..... now i go and tell this guy this story.... about the light from the sky coming to destroy all the houses...and all the "stuff" and only the people who stood out on these rocks in their back yard would survive.... i cant remember everything the guy said..... but it came down to him believing that this whole dream was a prophesy of my entire life....foretelling the way i would be separated and alienated from my mother by her own actions.... how the epilepsy would come into my life at some point in a way that was totally destructive.... and that i would handle it all just fine..... so like really...if you are interested.....10/8 10P: Nightmares Decoded- biography channel.... the dingusus will be on your TV..... fucked up thing is....on the way to the studio that day...we followed an ambulance thru one tunnel or another...with their flashing lights in my eyes the whole way thru the tunnel.......so i am relatively sure i was having tiny seizures thru the whole interview...you cant tell cus they kept wiping it but i was sweating like mad....and i was having a hard time keeping my head together......i have had alot of practice so i hide it well..... at like 24-25 seconds in.......is the dingusus........ Nightmares Decoded - Dream Meanings TV Show - YouTube!
Are you the dude with the long hair? Looks like it might be interesting Lew, even if you weren't going to be on it. As long as someone uploads it somewhere, I'll be watching it.
Honestly, your post scares the crap out of me. Its not that I had a vision, but I did this Santa thing better than anyone. I doubt you could find a Santa whose first three years dressed up could compare to mine. Its a feeling that anyone could feel, as long as they grew out their beards, dyed it white, and walked around in December dressed like Santa. When I was in that hospital, I saw some horrible shit. They drove me to the brink, and had me lose my mind in that place. Honestly, I was lucky to get out. I am afraid of going to that place again, both the spirit, and that part of my brain. But thats the thing. I don't think I should have to be afraid. I am the creator of Santa Economics, and am not just typing this shit because I am bored. I know, if given a chance, I could help turn SAnta into a tool for charity. Fuck, I think this is important, maybe not to you, but to the people it could possibly help. For two years, I have lived with a type of fear I can't really describe. If this is normal, and many people live like this, isn't a change necessary? I am not looking to be some religious leader ( I curse too much LOL!!) and besides, my experience was personal with the Almighty. I just want to be a guy that helps and then I can focus on my health. If I have information, and I don't use it, what kind of guy does that make me? I was a coward all of my life, mostly because I lived in fear of my seizures. They controlled me more than I realized. Then, once I got a handle on them, and began to see the joy of my illness, Wham!! The Asian Sensation and her archaic ways to treat seizures entered my life. I am just curious if anyone has any ideas of who I can tell. I would love if a person with a "normal" brain started this campaign, and I could be of assistance. In fact, I have tried this approach, even on GC. Making a discovery that could help many people should not be a burden, but it is. I mean, don't get me wrong. I love the life I live, and could not ask for much more ( okay, the weed situation gets dicey sometimes, but even still, I have the best dealer a sick guy like me could ask for). I just live everyday with this information, and it sucks!!
that would be me....hair is much longer now had to shave it all off for brain surgery just over 2 years ago...but it is growing back in nicely
no fear my friend....fuck that! this life is way too short to live with fear! everyday could be your last! this is no reason to be afraid!!!! it is every reason to ring as much out of this life as you possibly can! i could wake up in the hospital with no idea how i got there...at any time.... but fuck it.... when there was work....i would wake up in the hospital at 3 am....and leave as soon as i could get them to untie me....and be on the roof working when the sun came up..... for 2 years during the worst of the seizures....... i was building scaffolds 200ft in the air at the ship yard...... these facts scared my doctors to death.... but fuck that fear shit! i am here to live...and nothing is going to stop me! yeah ...sometimes i wake up with parts of my tong missing...... so what? i cant be forced to care about things beyond my control.... and i sure as hell will not be limited by those same things! i have not taken any meds for months....idfk how long ...has to be getting close to a year....... i dont go to the doctor.....(unless i wake up there)
You embodied the true spirit of santa. If more people lived by the motto: Be the change you want to see in the world, what a place we'd live in! I'd say so Exactly! But I think you already are mate. It won't matter what you now choose to focus your attention on, you'll always bring your real self to it. No need to fret about what that is, just having that intention is enough for the Universe to bring things, people, experiences, your way. As you read this, the future is already on its way to you. The Asian sensation and her archaic ways? You're telling us for starters. Just keep talking about it. Those that can hear will hear. You might even get to look at things through the eyes of another perspective. I quite like the sound of that myself
See, you guys seem to get me, and that is such a great feeling. Essef, when I call the doctor that tortured me the Asian Sensation for a few reasons, but none of it has to do with bigotry. I went into the hospital on my own, because I knew I was too sick to have this Santa thing on my shoulders. It was too hard, and felt I was being irresponsible for failing to get this campaign started. So, I had the thought that doctors, who are trained to listen to sick people, would help. Sure, I would take the drugs, but that wouldn't matter as long as they pointed me in the right direction. I was naive. Well, I remember sitting my bedroom, and a doctor walks in ( I just saw this guy once) with about 8 young doctors in training. We spoke about my Epilepsy, and explained I had the VNS and became a medical miracle. He then left. Soon after, I went into a conference room with a couple of "doctors" They spoke to me for twenty minutes. About a half hour later, I was told that I was labled with a "think disorder" and would be held for three weeks. They gave me drugs, and I didnt' understand how a person could make such an accurate diagnosis. They did not have my medical records ( they would have seen an important history concerning these drugs) and were forcing me to take this shit. When I refused, my brain freaked out and lost my shit inside. Honestly, the scariest part of my life so far. The Asian Sensation was a wrestler back in the day. I figured the comparisons ( this person was not a real doctor) were suitable, and believe she must be sensational for her to figure out my brain in twenty minutes. I mean, she has to be the best of the best ( if I get the chance, I will be mockingly saying this in public). I also didn't appreciate, after I had a seizure inside, that these assholes smiled at my pain. I just want to clarify this part for you.
It seems more like the doctor's are just taking an academic exercise in dealing with a collection of symptoms than seeing you as a real person in need of help! It's a pity you couldn't help freaking out though. They probably like it when that happens; they get to try out a few pharmaceuticals on you without needing your permission, just to see what happens. Reminds me of a routine by Bill Hicks, where some soldiers get access to some new toys and, like a child let loose in a toy shop, see what they're like to play with by firing them at the enemy. Yeeeha! All people are real people too. Even the strange ones! Do you ever practice meditation?
it is common practice with epileptics of every kind..... they feed us drugs that may or may not help....and "see what happens" the side effects of every single anti seizure med....include possibility of increased seizure activity........ i cant count the docs i went to who never even looked up at me from the clipboard....
I have never been taught meditation practices, but have learned to settle myself in ways that make me feel comfortable. Whenever my brain starts going to a place where I don't want it to go, I can control this now. Not to sound silly, but I try to put myself into a happy place. Is this what you mean?