Funny quotes from your dealers!

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by enzosrock, Jul 25, 2011.

  1. Anybody have any funny ass quotes from their dealers? I have a few, lmao. Here goes:

    "you gotta fuck those young moms while their still young"

    "quit giving me ones asshole, haha"

    "fuck that cop, he won't do shit"
     
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  2. What dealer wouldn't accept ones? I only ever have like 5 ones in a stack though.
     
  3. I was walkin with my boy to cop a lucy(a single ciggarette at the deli). I run into this dude who sold bud. The funny part wasn't from my dealer but he was right there.

    Crackhead(smiling with money in his hand): Yo you got that good shit?
    Dealer: Yea son i got that kush on deck.
    Crackhead: Nah man crack.

    Me and the dealer just looked at each other laughing.
     
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  4. All time fav... "....Pennies my niqqa????""
     
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  5. Every time i text my guy he ALWAYS says "hu dz?" and then i face palm and say (and this is a fake name here by the way... im not gona put up my real name) "john" and then he ways... "john who?" and then i say to myself.. "not again..." then i say (once again this is NOT my name "john bertowskii" and then he says "oh yeah man. Im holdn some bud. Ill drop to u in next hour"

    Its startin to get annoyin.
     
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  6. the hoodest guy i know who i'd gone to for like 2 years...
    one day i'm buying a sack and he walks up to the car, tosses me a raw nug (not in his customary envelopes) and as he throws it he says 'there's 1.5 in that jump'.

    i've never heard 'jump' used in slang, but this guy clearly didn't give a fuck.
     
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  7. LOL
    Why not just say "Yo it's John B..." and then ask. Sounds like you buy from a gangbanger anyway by the way he talks. I'd find a new dealer.

    I can't think of anything right now myself. sorry.
     
  8. I don't know if this is funny but...
    "How much did this weigh out to?"

    "dub"

    "the scale said dub?"

    Silence...
     
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  9. my dealer wont take ones, but i wouldnt either if your buying a qp or more there shouldnt be 1's.


    i got a text during christmas once from my dealer saying "2 for 30 and 45 dollar 1/8s dont be stuck on christmas eve without weed like a ho ho ho"
    i thought it was pretty funny, my dealer used to be my roommate and one time he was tripping and texted me "im not crazy im just stuck in the twilight"
     
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  10. LOL '' your half quarter weighs 3.2 cool? ''
     
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  11. *Goes into friend's house*
    Yeah man I am not really trying to grip
    Yeah well we're under like defcon two
    *Throws garbage bag*
    *looks inside*
    O_O ^_^
     
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  12. another good common line

    '' so you gonna smoke me one ''

    '' dude i just bought it off you''

    '' ya but now im out''
     
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  13. not so much a funny quote but,

    him: "fuck man i gotta do community service all next week"

    next time i see him
    me : "so hows the community service goin?"
    him: "wtf are you talkin about, i don't do community service"
    me: confusedface
     
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  14. Here's your 1/4, there's no bag though,

    *hands me huge branch*

    Ughhhh
     
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  15. i say "There is a deputy looking for speeders"
    he says "I got some"
    mfw -.-
     
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  16. Not really a quote, but....Back in high school like my freshman year this high school dealer dumbass never had any baggies. So this moron wrapped giant buds in napkins, threw it on my lunch table and walked away like that shit was ok. Eventually I brought my own bags
     
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  17. Hahahah genius man
     
  18. lol, this one dealer i was trying out, had real good prices, but lost his number.

    he texts me around the holidays and goes "yo holiday specials, reduced prices and deals if you buy 2 or more strains from me. Have a "happy" christmas ;)"

    haha and he is so professional, the first time i bought from him, we were at this random house, and he goes "i need a table" and pulls out three gallon baggies full, sets them all on the table, pulls out a couple nugs of each and says "check em all out, see what you like, we got bubblegum kush, trainwreck, and (Something else, cant remember). Feel em, smell em, let me know what you want."

    it was just hilarious i was like damn your a good salesman.

    and my dealer now is the funniest guy ever.

    example:

    at my graduation party, he makes himself a vodka cranberry in a red cup lol.
    he's walking back, sees a lime on the table, and puts it on the lip of the cup.
    right as he does it he holds it up and goes "i just made my drink classy, mothafuckas"
     
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  19. Well yeah if your getting a qp 200 in ones is annoying as fuck.
     
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  20. These are hilarious,

    I dont have any but I wanted to be sub'd
     

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