I posted this in the artist's corner and only got one reply :/ so couldn't think where else to put it. It's the beginning for a story I started writing. Any and all criticism is accepted. No title or anything --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's not easy to do this. To sit here, trying to think up a reason not to do what I have to do. I've thought of millions. You will die. That's the most obvious one, and also the most quick to be rejected. After all, I will die whether or not I go through with this, so there's no point in sulking about it, right? It might make things worse. It might, maybe, what if…I hate all of those words. Words that have made me a failure all my life and that have repeatedly made me doubt myself every time the going gets rough. Crap, see, there I go again, talking about what I've done as if it actually makes any difference. I mean, it's not like I've ever actually hurt anyone. Technically I've only ever hurt myself. Technically… when I stabbed that man I didn't kill him did I? I killed myself. All the thoughts in the world are my thoughts, all the happiness my happiness, all the pain my pain…. It's hard to process. Really hard. Imagine if you just found out that everything is not chance. There's no coincidence, no randomness that made everything the way it is. The way it is… Sure, as if it even exists. I can't stop thinking about it. But, after all, I did just find out that everything that was ever real to me is in fact not real at all. That every life that has ever been lived was my life. That all of it was fake. After all, I did just find out that I am god. Well, not the god, but a god. Crazy stuff right? My name is Daniel, and I am a god. Never thought I'd say that. Shit, sounds like an AA meeting. My name isn't even really Daniel. Hell, apparently I've had more names than I care to count. For one, you might know that one hundred and forty six years ago Abraham Lincoln was assassinated at Ford's Theatre by John Wilkes Booth. What you don't know is that I was there too. I was Lincoln, as he heard the shot before he felt it, and I was Booth, as he pulled the trigger. I was even that cockroach that got stepped on in the ensuing chaos. I just don't remember. I don't remember anything except Daniel. They tell me that when I am ready it will all come back to me, that right now I am just a child in an egg of sorts, having to live every single life so that I can mature. They say that I will come to know my true name and the reason for my existence. Or, maybe I'm insane and all of this is just in my head. That would be nice. Let me begin by telling you how I died. How Daniel died. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ “Look man, we should head back okay?†I said as Liam and I walked through the dark street. “No way Dan, we already went through this. I'm just going to get a lighter at the gas station, and then I'll take your pussy ass home.†he answered. “It's not that. We shouldn't go through here. There's a reason that nobody comes here Liam. This place is way too shady.†I knew there was no good reason for my fear, and it felt silly to tell Liam that I could feel someone watching us. All around us it was completely dark, with the nearest street lamp being a few blocks away. Apparently there had been some sort of power outage. Naturally, there were also a few old abandoned houses along the road that looked like they hadn't been lived in for decades, just to add to the scary mood I suppose. Even though I had been on this street before without a problem, it was in bright daylight and not in a position to be violently raped, so I was a little unnerved. Still, the gas station wasn't too far away, so I kept walking on the cracked road, with my school bag slung over my shoulder. I looked at Liam and wondered how he could act so nonchalant. He was older than me, but didn't look like it. He was about the same height as me, and we both looked similar, mostly because of the way we dressed. With his short, dark hair, a piercing in his left ear and a killer goatee, he looked like someone I wouldn't want to mess with. And he acted that way too. Liam was always the badass, or tried to be. It was no surprise that he got me killed. We were nearing the gas station when we heard noise coming from behind us. I had barely turned around when I heard a car door open and saw a baseball bat headed right towards my face. It felt like my head had been torn apart, and in the confusion I had no idea what was happening. I desperately tried to get up from the floor, to escape. But I was hit once again, and after that, I lost consciousness. I could hear voices. They sounded angry and rushed. I squinted my eyes to try to see what was happening. “Give me all of it you motherfuckers!†yelled a voice. I couldn't believe what was happening. “Okay okay, don't shoot.†I could hear Liam say. He sounded unbelievably calm. “Come on Dan,†he told me, “give him your bag.†I grabbed my backpack and shakily handed it to the man in front of us. He was white and looked young, younger than anyone should be to steal from someone at gunpoint. The car next to him had darkened windows, but there was definitely someone else inside. I could see his dark outline in the driver's seat. Next to me, I saw Liam handing over everything he had on him. The white boy took it all and threw it into my backpack. He looked at us again. “That it?†he said. We both nodded nervously, just hoping he would go away. He gave us one last threatening look, and just as he was about to get in the passenger seat and leave us alone for good, my phone rang in my pocket, breaking the dead silence. I would have laughed if we hadn't been so screwed. I had completely forgotten about my cell phone. The theme from The Addams Family played loudly as I froze and Liam said “No…†under his breath. The robber quickly dropped my backpack and walked over to me, putting his gun against my forehead. I shuddered. The metal felt so cold against my skin. “Do you want to die tonight?†he asked me menacingly. “N-no, pl-please, just take the phone.†I said, trying not to sound like a complete wreck. I handed him the phone slowly. “Is that everything you have? Tell me the truth or I swear I will put a bullet in your skull.†“Yes, it is, pl-please…†It seemed like an eternity had passed before he finally decided I was telling the truth. He pulled the gun away from my head and started backing away. In a moment that he looked distracted, Liam rushed up to him and punched him with all of his strength in the nose, breaking it. At that moment I couldn't understand why he didn't just let them go, why he had to act like that at the worse possible moment. I stood in shock for a second, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened. I snapped back and ran to the robber to get my bag. He was getting up, with a pocket knife in his hand. I pushed him down as hard as I could, forcing him to drop the knife on the floor. I reached over and grabbed the knife. It felt completely unreal as I plunged it deep into his stomach, like I was watching someone else do it, not me. What I had done didn't completely register at first, there was blood everywhere. I stood staring at what I had done when I heard a gunshot, louder than anything I could imagine. Liam, no! I thought. But then it slowly came to me. I could feel an extremely sharp pain in my chest and my head felt dizzy. I stared at Liam, who looked like he had had the life drained out of him, standing there, still as a statue with a horrified look on his face. I realized that I had forgotten the driver in the car, and felt completely stupid as I fell with Liam yelling something I couldn't understand. It sounded so muffled and fuzzy for some reason… I could feel myself slipping away… Another gunshot, and then, silence.