Spiritual Growth

Yes...I understand ...all too well, unfortunately..of late. Life's a bitch sometimes..I think to myself..'Just get get over it'..you really have no choice, right?
How many times should I have trusted those signs! Why don't I listen? Learning to truly listen to your inner self-that awareness-THAT is a lesson.
 
So much so that I have been mentally keeping a tab on when I DO listen...even in the smallest tasks..and it's amazing. If only I could do this when I trust someone that I shouldn't! I think I'm learning disabled in this area...and I don't know if it'll ever be 'fixed'. One of life's truly challenging things...trust someone..the wrong one..and tough shit.
 
I come in understanding within my own context there...very tough time for me lately...You may have meant something else..That message, and what I got from it, is maybe completely what you did not intend for other people to take away from it...but-you know-that's how synchronicity works..It's applied the way you see at the moment..
 
For my current situation...there's nothing quite like being disappointed in someone you thought was a much better person. Signs...yes...intuition. So often it's just too tempting to hope and believe in signs you so want to see.
 
 

 
 
I believe understanding your own Self is a long road...one you have your entire life. Ego is vicious..and completely self-satisfying. It's way easier to remain ignorant...it is bliss, so it's said. If everything is absurd...why not? I think so sometimes..but still I keep trying....and not so successful much of the time-it seems. It's become apparent to me the last week or so to just take each day as it comes...there's nothing else you can do anyway..and that way-when disappointments in events or people you care about come...it's so much easier to start a new day..and begin with a new mindset.
 
Whether these things come or not..we only have now..and training to pull yourself back to that reality..is what it truly means to be Awake, imo. Focused-enjoying what you're doing..no matter what it might be..just existing..that's what Awake has come to mean to me also. I am completely like this when I am at work..the happiest I could be...except for one component I so would love to have in my life when I leave. It's funny how big that missing part can count..and lead you to do things you wouldn't normally do... not listening to that discriminating Awareness that's really there the whole time.
 
I agree about the forum..I just wish I had listened to myself better when I chose to communicate w/some others here. We can always learn something from each other, but sometimes the lessons are a fucking bitch.
 
 
A lovely thought...I definitely read and thought about this for awhile...reflection can teach a great deal. I hope I learn my own lessons one day.
 
How important it is to be skillful and gentle with ourselves, without becoming disheartened or giving up, but trusting the spiritual path and knowing that it has its own laws and its own dynamics. -S. Rinpoche

 

 
Yeah-you should definitely consider it...It'll help you deal, imo. I've smoked before at times when I'm going through something heavy...and completely regretted it...didn't enjoy it at all b/c my mind was on the situation..... a sign I better listen..just like you said.. I'm taking a break right now as a matter of fact....lost my dealer b/c of all this BS through here...indirectly connected w/the situation I was talking about. - _ -  
 
So much the better then...being overly emotional is a curse sometimes..One can take things the wrong way..being sensitive-trust too easily..Can't figure that one out..So much so that I'm in the process of getting a spiritually oriented counselor .. just wtf is going on there. I've thought about for a long time-ever since I heard about 'spiritual emergency'. Reading about all that describes what I've been through..to a tee. No depression-per se-only mania-and thinking about spiritual readings/realities..etc.Realization of certain truths.
 
I hope your situation gets better too...as you say...it's life...and we ourselves are responsible for living our very own...No one else is going to live it for us, right?  Having consequences and making good choices for our benefit-as well as others should be the lesson, I guess.
 
We can't be perfect-and God knows-I'm not. But I guess what life is about just becoming a better person...through all those trials-as you say....and maybe there's help along the way-the signs we are supposed to See and Listen to if only we're willing.

 

Just a good thought...particularly now in my life..
 
Don't Seek Happiness. If you seek it, you won't find it, because seeking is the antithesis of happiness.
~E.Tolle
 
Reminds me of a favorite quote from Albert Camus...I'm pretty good with the meaning of life....
 
You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.

 

 
 
Lovely...you posted it on my birthday   I just may have needed to learn that a couple months earlier...lol.
 
Probably the longest post I've made yet...but it says also as much..
 
Grabbing some of these ‘memories' in this thread to show the woman I saw last week. I didn't want to revisit this site for personal reasons, but it will save me some time explaining much of what I experienced to her. Tried to avoid it..doing this..lol..but I keep feeling the push retrieve them…so I guess I should listen.
This person is using me for a case study. She is a shaman….although she doesn't call herself such. She looks like a normal person…and actually quite beautiful….Has eyes that just bore right into you and she looks like an angel…tall, with long blonde hair. Quite a woman and has great experience….
I learned more about my life…. and Life on a bigger level in 3 and a half hours-than I have in all my life prior. This was an amazing experience and it was exhausting at the same time…
She did Regression with me…(by way of Hypnotherapy)…not past life-I'm just interested in this one ..
My conscious mind was in the background while she talked and questioned my subconscious…and I can't even begin to describe how incredible this was…where was this in my life 20 yrs ago?
I remember everything she said and everything that happened….She'd ask me something and words would just flow out of my-self…It was my spirit. I had a lot of emotion. Several amazing things I saw and felt and realized…but I don't think it is meant for me to say.
When I ‘came to', the world was spinning, I tell you…haha…I felt like a baby being born…. And I had a helluva headache..
Everything I thought about life when I was ‘manic' is true…it's TRUE. I learned there's a way to be with that level of Consciousness so that I don't stop sleeping…This is what I sought her out for. I never had anyone to help me with it. I knew all this was true in my heart. I knew it all along… I just had to trust myself. That realization liberates me. I never knew how to be grounded in It, though.
So this is what I felt like when I ‘woke up'…amazed..
http://youtu.be/JAfiIo8FtYs
@ 2:11 and on pretty much sums it up
 
We are all spiritual beings. Use yourself to spread good energy and help each other! That's what we're supposed to do here. Your thoughts make you…they ARE you…you give them power….so have good ones!
I said on the first page that this thread was about self-discovery…and so it has been and helped me in many ways. I needed a teacher....and damn, I found a hell of a good one. I just had to be ready and seek one out…although no matter who we meet they teach us..
I'll always will be learning…but damned if this wasn't a bit of a jump..lol…been waiting for it for a long time. A real long time.
 
A story from someone …long-but worth a read…I have always loved a good story.
Guides and Angels DO exist btw..Hear me now and believe me later… Scoff, if you like…but for those that have eyes.
 
I am on a pilgrimage with the Sun Hermit to the Holy Mountain. It's a bit of a cliche, perhaps. I think in the West we are at times too obsessed with originality. Originality is wonderful, but life thrives by repetition. Repetition, repetition, repetition. We grow by repeating simple patterns that catalyze sudden leaps and shifts. This, to me, is the value of ritual and tradition.
 
“I've been experiencing a recurring world-weariness,” I told the Sun Hermit. It's an interesting experience that has visited me since I was an adolescent. It accompanied my early contemplation of death.
 
I have been very fortunate in many regards. I think one of the greatest fortunes I've been granted is the innocent honesty of my mom. When I was very young, 5 or 6 years old, I asked her: “What happens when we die?”
“I don't know,” she said.
What a blessing! So many other parents would have given me some answer to remove this primal uncertainty. But my mom told me the simple truth. I don't know.
 
“Maybe it's like falling asleep,” I said, “and you start to dream…”
“Maybe,” my mom replied, happy with my innocence and imagination.
When I was that age, I had a phrase I would repeat often, to the delight of my family: “Dat weet Tom ook niet.” It translates to, “Tom doesn't know either.” What a beautiful wisdom, and what an irony that I spent so much of my life trying to become the Tom who does know. This is where I believed happiness lay.
 
And this is perhaps the source of my world-weariness. A child is in awe of everything, and has no time to be weary.
It is our ideas which make us weary, isn't it?
 
When I told the Sun Hermit of my weariness, he said it was time to return to the Mountain.
“The Mountain will rekindle your awe,” he promised.
 
The creations of humanity can be incredibly beautiful, but the natural world is the creation of God, and brings us closer to the divine source. And perhaps the most potent aspect of the Holy Mountain is the fresh water, which brings crystalline clarity to the mind.
I think of this water like the angels, that order of beings that emanates directly from the Godhead, prior to the accumulation of history, karma, form, matter.
 
“Teacher, can you tell me about the angels?”
“What can be said? To be in their presence is to know pure Grace. Open your heart to them and steep in their qualities and you will inherit their Kingdom.”
“What are the qualities of the angels?”
The Sun Hermit paused for a moment and I could feel a shift in the energy of the room.
 
“Timeless, serene beauty,” he said. “A fearless innocence that sees the One Light in everyone and everything. An exquisite, playful dance of Grace. Patience, detachment and compassion.”
They are hidden in plain sight, I thought to myself.
“How can we cultivate these qualities?”
 
“The first step is to recognize their value, and place them far above material things. This is called ‘getting your priorities straight.' It's a mental exercise, but it's also an invitation. When material challenges arise, we are invited to use these challenges to cultivate our virtues. And then, we can use our virtues to face the challenges. There's a mental shift–the greater the challenge, the greater the opportunity.”
The sublime gift of seeing our challenges as Grace. This is a realization that goes on returning and returning–a shift in perception can change everything. Not that the challenges necessarily become less challenging, but recognizing them as Grace puts us in touch with a vast reservoir of inner power.
 
Many of my greatest challenges have come through love and loss. I am a romantic, a believer in true love, but the journey of loving another so deeply can be immensely painful. But I have been immensely fortunate to find this spontaneous prayer well up within: “If this is the price for true love, I am willing to pay.” And with it, a great opening came to my mind. A new perspective, a new spaciousness, and I found the power to go on surrendering.
 
And I believe there is a universal truth here. Our ability to face challenges is proportional to our aspirations, our ability to imagine what we stand to gain. The whole quality of life shifts when we turn from material aspirations to the desire to cultivate inner qualities and virtues.
 
“Are there more steps?” I asked.
“Associate with those who embody these qualities. They are God's most precious gift to you. You may find that these virtues awaken in you spontaneously simply by being in their presence. Take full advantage of their company, but be mindful not to become dependent on another. Ultimately it is your own efforts which will serve you most.”
 
Thus have I heard, once upon a time Ananda, faithful disciple and care-taker of the Buddha, said to his master: “Lord, I have been thinking, and it occurred to me that noble friendship must be half the noble life!”
 
“Don't say so, Ananda,” reprimanded the Buddha, “Noble friendship is the whole of the spiritual life!”
 
We human beings influence each other much more profoundly than we typically realize. And I feel that the key insight here is that “energy flows where attention goes.” Are we focused on harmony or conflict? Doubt or faith? Confusion or illumination?
For a master, as far as I can tell, there is no possibility of falling out of the awareness of the perfection of the present moment. They have embodied this fully. And in the presence of such a master, all our projections of imperfection lose their footing and are washed away.
 
Ironically, this is why being in the presence of a master can be deeply uncomfortable. Ignorance will struggle to preserve its illusions.
Our path may be littered with sages and saints, but if we don't have the eyes to see them, their blessings will pass us by.
 
“Anything else?”
“Sit by the fire and drink tea!” the Sun Hermit chuckled. “Speaking of which…” He got up to rummage around the cupboards for tea and a pot. I poured some water in the kettle and set it on the fire.
 
“Choose pastimes which enrich the soul,” the Sun Hermit explained. “Cherish simplicity, as a child does. Be content with simple pleasures that bring peace of mind and a pleasant afterglow. Enjoy and create art that reminds one of the abundant wonders of living.”
We sat watching the water as it slowly came to a boil. “The art of tea is all about timing and patience. It is about moving from dullness to peace, steeping our minds in the emptiness of waiting.”
 
Life is short. Too short to waste on distractions that don't bring fulfillment. There is so much beauty and magic all around, but we have to open our hearts to let it in. We have to learn to appreciate every fleeting moment and feel gratitude for the people in our lives. I notice that when I shift my perspective from how I would like others to be to appreciating them as they are, there is an immediate influx of love and joy. So simple and powerful!
 
I watch as the Sun Hermit pours the boiling water into the tea pot and gives the tea its first rinse. He pours the tea onto the fire and it hisses into clouds of steam. The second steeping goes into our two elegant clay cups. The cups absorb and transmit the memory of the many teas they have held. It's like they say–the past only exists in the present. In the inexplicable richness of this cup of tea…
 
Another parable comes to mind. A young man sets off on a journey of spiritual illumination. He goes to the home of one reputed to be “the wisest sage of the land.” To his surprise, the sage lives in a lavish palace with people running to and fro, a center of art and learning. He is led to the master's hall, who makes a point of personally welcoming every visitor.
The two exchange formalities, and the master asks the young man why he has come.
“I come seeking illumination, sir,” explains the young man.
The master smiles and assigns a simple task. “I would like you to take this spoonful of oil and carry it through every room of my home without spilling a single drop.”
The young man obliges, happy that his quest will be so easily fulfilled. When he returns to the hall, the master sees that he has not spilled a single drop.
“Very good!” he exclaims. “Your concentration is very strong. But tell me, did you notice any of the exquisite Impressionist paintings we have in the gallery? Or did you take a moment to appreciate the Indian ragas being performed in the courtyard?”
The young man had missed it all.
“I would like you to go out again, and enjoy the sights and sounds of my home!”
The young man went out and marveled at the many treasures, and basked in the radiant joy of creation that filled the palace. He returned to the master glowing with excitement.
“I can see you've enjoyed yourself!” laughed the master. “But what has happened to your spoonful of oil?”
The oil had long since been spilled.
“Enjoy the world, but don't spill the oil!” said the master. And this was enough.
 
The young man understood the point of the lesson. The spiritual path isn't about abstinence or indulgence. It's about training the mind on inner stillness and harmony, while at the same time enjoying and contributing to the world. The middle way.
 
Somehow, it seems that the tea draws my awareness inward, to silence and contemplation. Perhaps it is the lingering imprint of the masters who have handled and cultivated this tea, of the patience it took to allow the tea to age for many years.
 
“Whenever possible, be a guardian angel for others. Forgive them their faults and celebrate their gifts. Grace is so rare… its touch can transform lives. Don't underestimate the light within you!”
 
“Thank you Teacher, I have taken your words to heart.”
 
I steep in the transmission and feel gratitude for the peace and love it has stirred within me. May you feel this as well. A moment to slow down, relax, and listen deeply, coaxing the beauty out of every moment.
Be well...
 
Through Love all that is bitter will be sweet, through Love all that is copper will be gold, through Love all dregs will become wine, through Love all pain will turn to medicine.~Rumi
 
This is my last post here.
 
 
 

 

^haha
 
Came back to reply to a PM-Thanks benchwarrior ...and thought I'd post some interesting developments in my spiritual quest. 
 
You know-shit just don't turn out like ya plan sometimes...Things take twists and turns...and you just gotta go with the flow, and then adapt the best you can...
 
So as I had related last time, I was 'shown' through the meeting with the woman that regressed me that all of what I realized when I am in that heightened state of being I can get into...what I know now has been spiritual emerge-ency...is ALL true. Most amazing experience of my life...well....one of em..lol.
 
So afterward, realizing that spirit guides were indeed real...I opened up more to carrying on communication-with what I still think of as my Self...but more-an addition.
 
One Saturday morning, I was laying in bed in between sleep/wakefulness...and carrying on one of these 'conversations'....and no-not hearing voices-more of it just 'appearing' in my mind..and me replying...I know, but stay with me for a sec.............
 
I had been wanting to know my guide's name...and what came through to me when I quieted my mind was 'Madreigal'...So I said to my guide...'If you are indeed real-and Im not just broadcasting to myself...and that is your name-you'll show me a sign. The sign will be hearing a sound of a hammer banging on wood by 3 pm tomorrow.' Sounds strange-I know, but it had to be something...ha. I completely made it up in that moment. So that was that.
 
Went a couple hours later to the gym, and I was walking up the stairs outside, when I thought about when I might hear that hammer sound....The INSTANT I thought that...I heard a hammer through the woods...somebody nailing shit together. I whirled around and my heart felt all tingly and my mouth literally dropped....Some people coming up behind had to dodge..lol.
 
So I stood there for a few minutes. Just listening to it. That, my friends, was one of the BEST moments of my life. There was NO WAY that shit just happened by coincidence. None. Growing in this way in communication with That has been fucking incredible. 
 
Have seen a UFO since then too...haha..yeah. But that shit was for real. During the day, and there was NO mistaking it either. Have seen some others since too.
 
The dreams are getting pretty intense as well....Had some interesting experiences with light...and many dreams about ET's...Idk-I dont consciously think about any of it during the day-I'm too busy...but comes on at night in sleep. 
 
 
Thinking about makes strides in astral projecting...that shit is for real...but you open yourself up to so much that's out there. Also, I need my fucking sleep...haha...don't need some negative entity wigging out my dreams...but there's SO much to discover. It's pretty damn tempting...I may see fit to dabble.
 
 
So I guess the point of this post is to say; BELIEVE. I truly would not have thought my journey would take such turns, but it did, and I'm all the fucking way in for the ride...
 
 
Peace Bitches!    

 

I decided to come back to my place of reflection. This place was a journal for my thoughts and experiences. I was writing it mostly for my reflection anyway…although other views from people were most helpful. The process I have gone through, and am, is something I want to write about.
 
At any rate, recent developments have made me want to write again. Writing is a tool for thought, after all, and there is plenty to think about.
 
My experiences have quite gotten me past existential musings. Not saying I know anything at all...I am just content to let it be. Only be. It took a lot to get to that point. But now I realize all I can know is that I am. In whatever context that is...doesn't matter. I am right now and that is all there is to know/care about. All we have is here and now..and I should live it and takes it as it comes. The rest-so what. It doesn't matter in the bigger picture at all.
 
Personally, I think we are made to enjoy this moment-string of moments, etc. That is all. Why make life a complication? It doesn't have to be...Sure the world is a fucking mess...but one person can't save the world...only work in their corner to do it. So do it and you will be rewarded with purpose and satisfaction. 
 
I wanted to stop coming here when a person here was dishonest with me...and I wanted to forget him and this place. I realize now it really doesn't make a difference. I do not have to exist in the past..nor should I. It's done. I learned some valuable lessons about communicating with 'men' on the Internet. Too easy to meet dysfunction...Trust for me was an issue..I tried. Ended up dropping me like dirty trash after months and months of 'talking'. Never in life again.
 
It is said that God created the word never so that when we contradict ourselves, He can have a good laugh. He will not have satisfaction in this situation. Enough of that.
 
 
 
 
What I have that I really want to communicate about is what I have been going through on this long journey called spiritual growth. There will never be an end. A recent quote I have read recently was 'You will never come to be what you need to be by remaining what you are'. So although there is here and now-there is always a growth aspect.
 
I am having my first reading this Sunday. I'm trying not to have specific expectations about it-like asking where the love of my life is-pfft-It isn't even meant for me. It's not for some.  It's more about what is really out there...As I have written, I have had unmistakable experiences that have just been undeniable. Before this I have a done a regression-not past life-but working to that point. Although she was going to use me as a case story-lol-I still cannot afford her help. So whatever.
 
What I have learned is that there is a level of perception that humans are not capable of living in or dealing with IMO..as shown by my hospital visits. Being slammed into the hospital 8 times and put on meds for talking about/having  self-realization is not my idea of normal. Thousands of people will kiss the Pope's ring..and I"M the one in the hospital??! gmafb
 
 
You can believe simply that I was/am crazy, but this has been my life for 20 plus yrs,- dealing with this and have otherwise been quite successful-leading a completely fulfilling life as a teacher of special needs students. So believe in what makes you comfortable.
 
So I have written about the Spirit Guide situation I was lucky enough to have, and this reading shall help along in that process, along with possibly illuminating some things about my impending trip in the Peace Corps to Tonga...near Figi..French Polynesia. My dream for 10 yrs now, which I'm now ready to take.

 

This is a good story about what I get to do with my life and job. I will never be as happy as when I am at school, in my classroom with some kids....
 
 
 
 
So I read to them yesterday (7th graders).....They had never really heard such description.  In Cell (by Stephen. King), the situation is that a virus has wiped out people or turned people into zombies...but they're a little smarter than the typical ones.
 
It tells the story from the viewpoint of three characters that meet in this chaos. The 'phoners' will kill in the most violent way if they see you. It's the day after it happens and he's describing that morning...with three of them in the backyard eating cucumbers and pumpkins.
 
They were on the edge of their seats almost...I love showing how real writing can show pictures in your head.

 

Yes, Unless I read about fucking...or mass murder...I say OK and read sometimes. They still like to just listen. even if they're in 7th gr.
 
We just finished an Agatha Christie murder mystery-which we all read together. It had a "LOVAHH' and a 'Philannnnderer'. That's how I came to say it. They loved it the book. It never talked about them screwing/penetration-so it was fine.
 
I find your sig quote quite interesting....Actually, there should be one that says, "How do I know what you think until I hear what you have to say?" Most helpful when you try to understand someone.

 

Yes, I am all too familiar with that view. That moment things. Only the most grown up can employ it, no?
 
Life is not black and white. It's an awful convenient way to avoid any consistent stance, on anything, though. For example, I feel that today we ought to drop a sleep bomb and put all those people to sleep in Iraq and Syria. Then we can just go in and slit the infidel's throats. Tomorrow, I will change my mind, go to Syria and join their cause. I'm just being in the moment, you know. I'm growing.
 
I quite often heard that 'What I feel/think today might not be what I feel/think tomorrow.... It's 'realer' and it's easier...and don't we all want to live an 'uncluttered life'? Yeah, if you don't truly care about people in it...only an excuse to run from whatever confronts belief for the day. Something clearer...an ironic choice esp when someone finds it convenient to have grown to be in the moment and fuck all to everything else. Be as selfish as you want to be-call it being in the moment. It takes growing beyond that to dedicate yourself to something you really believe in, imo.
 
I've dedicated my life to those kids..and it has provided balance as well guidance from what I now know as Spirit. That's being in the moment...following your heart and serving what I think of as my purpose in this Universe. Sounds fluffy maybe...but realization came just like that. It comes with much pain and experience too. I call it Spiritual Growth in the truest sense.
 
I get the reading done tomorrow...another experience in the hat.

 

This is where I Live...
 
 
 

 

 

 

 
When I face a problem or a challenge with these kids, I don't walk away b/c I am just living in the moment.

 

Lol.. Im not talking about you at all. You have misunderstood.

As a matter of fact, i wouldnt walk away at all. Thats kinda what i was saying. When you come up on changes, its pretty easy to change your position based on the weather. That is all.




I'm not that bitchy, crazy, or scary.