Stories about poop.

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by ausmanwoah, Jun 12, 2011.

  1. my friend and I were going on a morning jog and he said that he wasnt feeling well. then about 20 minutes into the jog he farted and shit water literally ran down his leg from his shorts. i almost pissed my pants laughing.


    this other dude I was working construction with one time shit his pants, and our boss made him sit on a garbage bag to drive him home to change. the wierd part was it wasn't even diarrhea it was just a solid log of poop.
     
  2. So, this happened a couple months ago. I was really constipated so I went to take a shit. It took a while, but this really big, hard turd finally dropped outta me. It was one of those pieces that you knew from the moment you saw it, it was going to clog up the toilet. And sure enough, it clogged the toilet. I desperately used my plunger to try and fix the situation but with no avail. I tried and tried and tried. The plunging technique was obviously not working.

    Part of the turd I can see sticking out of the drain hole. So I had this brilliant idea of squeezing and/or crushing the turd...breaking the piece of turd with my hands. Yes, my hands. So, I wrapped plastic bags over my hands like gloves and proceeded to grab the turd. I squeezed it inside the palm of my right hand...felt like playdoh. Finally, I tried flushing to see if my genius idea worked...no. It only made matters worst.

    Not only is the toilet still clogged but now there is shit floating around and about. The water is now brown. So I tried looking for help on the internet. Found a technique that everyone seemed to agree on and said that works. So I tried it out. First, you have to boil some hot water. Next, you have to use some form of liquid soap. Squeeze a certain amount into the toilet bowl...supposedly, this will act as a lubricant. Next, pour in the boiling hot water. Let it sit for 5 minutes or so. Then flush.

    But no one warned of the smell. This has to be one of the worst smells I have ever encountered. The smell will forever be engraved into my head because it fucking stinks. Cooking feces in boiling hot water is not a good smell. Trust me. After repeating the steps 4 more times...it finally worked.
     

  3. no no no
     
  4. It's quite obviously a lie. Why do you feel the need to lie on the internet? :confused:
     
  5. The first time I changed my son's diaper when he shit, I realized I was going to have to hoist his nut sack off his taint and then hold his little junk in order to clean him up properly. [​IMG]

    Just something I wasn't expecting.
     
  6. i always wonder who the assholes where that shit all over the floors
     
  7. Some one at my school took their shit and wrote on the walls "el crapo" funniest thing and noone still knows who did it
     
  8. lol, that made me laugh. Haven't thought of that either myself.


    So, some of you may have experienced this phenomenon before. It seems that when you and someone you know are taking a shit in each other's presence, you may laugh spontaneously and find the situation very funny :D

    So far I think it's only happened to me twice, but the funniest time was when I was backpacking. Basically, where I was backpacking, some camps only had a thing called a "pilot to bombardier" which was basically two toilet seats back to back over a hole in the woods, with a divider. That's right, no walls. Just that one at your back. These things were generally out of the way, but you had a full view of everything around you.

    Anyway, I was at a camp with one of these, and I had to shit. As usual; the diet makes you shit every day, which is good, but anyway. My buddy had apparently just gone back to the PtaBBD as I called it (really flows off the tongue, lol), but I couldn't hold it. I thought...whatever. So I walked up the short trail to the PtaBBD, and my buddy was nowhere to be seen. I thought, "that's weird...", but soon after I saw him jogging down the hill towards the commode. I realized that he was taking a piss elsewhere, which you're not supposed to do in the crappers, as it slows decomp and makes it stink more.

    So we were both there and we both had to take a dump, so we did. We pretty much started laughing as we sat down. Laughing at a funny noise or nothing at all. Just laughing constantly. Even handling the TP off to each other :laughing:

    It happened in school once before too, but with a kid I didn't even know. He was a good sport, haha.
     
  9. Driving to Fl. from TN. was a 15 hour trip. About 3 hrs before I got home I had the dreaded gut grind with a cold sweat. After about 20 mins of writhing around and ass clenching it passed, only to return about 30 mins later. Over the next couple hours it came and went several times getting worse every time. Anyway, I get to my road, I'm about 200 yds from the house, and it hits me, I gotta shit NOW! it's 3 am and I throw my van in park barely making it out the door without shitting myself and dropped a deuce under my neighbor's orange tree. My wife and kids had woken up when I bailed and saw the whole thing. I'm just thankful it was 3 am and not 3 pm.
     
  10. Last summer I was staying at a cabin my extended family rented and stayed at for a week. My uncle was taking 4 or 5 of us out on his sailboat. Just as we're turning around to go back, I start to feel the little poop urges but was confident in my ability to hold it until we got back. I was able to hold it, but the closer we got, the more my asshole lost its ability to contract.

    So the second we hit the dock, I jumped off and speed walked (can't run, that'll just shake the shit out) towards the cabin. Unfortunately, it was about a half mile. 'Luckily' for me, there was a public restroom on the way back. Realizing it wasn't gonna make it home, I walked to it. However, my asshole decided MISSION ACCOMPLISHED a few seconds too soon, for about 10 feet away, the shit started leaking out.

    I rushed in the bathroom where, to my dismay, there was no toilet paper! My bad luck continuing, there were also no paper towels. My last bit of genius was to waddle over to the women's bathroom to steal some of theirs, but just as that thought was entering my head, I heard the women's bathroom door opening and some women go in. So, shit sliding down my leg, I went back into the men's bathroom. My boxers were fucking drenched, so I left them there (not my proudest moment) and I left the bathroom.

    But wait, the story doesn't end quite there!

    I walked out of the woods to get back to the beach to walk back to the cabin, and just as I left the forest, the group I was with on the sailboat came walking up behind me. What a horrible walk that was. If they didn't see poop sliding down my leg, they must have been blind.

    I snuck inside the cabin without people seeing me somehow and took a shower (overflowing the septic tank. Damn ancient sewage systems!). Then, as I began to pick up the pieces of my psyche and think of where to go from here, I took my shitty swim trunks and threw them away in a garbage can on the beach.

    Also, unrelated to my story, but lately, my poop has been smelling like herb... Ummm, wat?
     
  11. Awesome stories everyone, keep pushing em out.
     
  12. Never had an herby shit, but definately had some weed smelling farts before.
     
  13. Lol, I recently ate too many oreos and my shit was very black and pasty for a day.
     
  14. Heres another one;

    In eigth grade I took a picture of literally the biggest shit I ever shat, made it our home computer's background, and no one knew how to change it.

    Safe to say everyone was pissed :cool:
     
  15. Hahaha,my friend pooped on the slide at the park :laughing: It was hilarious,it was at night and my friends and I were just walking around,kick'n it,one thing led to another ,and the next thing I know,my friend straight up takes a dump on the slide.We were all laughing hysterically,I was literally rolling on the floor laughing :laughing: The dude taking the dump was laughing while taking the dump XD.It was great,a night I'll never forget.:smoke:
     
  16. Hahaha I also have a friend who shit down a slide, it was the same friend who shat on the bathroom floor. It sounded like marbles sliding down.

    This thread is starting to make me realize I have waaay too many turd stories.
     
  17. poop is funny.
     
  18. One time me and my friend went fishing and we used his fake id to get a 12 pack. Anyways we were fishing,smoking and drinking from 10 am to like 9 at night and when we left we picked up some mcdonalds which gave us the shits. We found a porter john on the side of the road but it was lock so we took turns shitting in front of the porter poty it was hillarious!
     
  19. #39 Mason420, Jun 14, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 15, 2016
    Hahahahaha that's so funny :cool: this one time in like 6th grade I was at school and went to the bathroom , took a piss at the urinal and I was about to was my hands when I looked down and saw a big fat steamer in the sink.. I was like Wth that's just unsanitary .. I ended up walking out and telling some kids that were outside of the bathroom and they showed me the video and they tried to say it was me because I told them and I didn't tell any staff members or some bullshit.. lol they closed the bathroom and said it smelled for like 12 hours :laughing: I wish I was the one who shat in there :cool: that school was full of bullshit !!
     
  20. when i was in fourth grade i unknowingly stepped on dog shit on my way to school. i noticed the smell when we were sitting on the carpet, with out teacher reading us a story. i bet everyone thought i shit myself. i haven't told anyone this.
     

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