My Adventures with Jesus Christ the giver of Life - FUNNY SHIT PLEASE READ!!!! (No offense to any Christians) I murdered God and took his heavenly crown I was sick of the Vatican worshiping that clown I asked Jesus, you wanna ride? He said fa'sho, I'm down He drove the whip while I sprayed God with the mac clip Some shots missed, but most hit his neck head and lip God's bitch ass was lucky I didn't bring the hollow tips After that I rode shotgun with a shotgun and took a road trip to hell Satan's on my shit list and hes about to french kiss multiple shotgun shells Someone must of warned him cuz on the way me n Jesus heard hell's bells Like Ricky Ricardo I said Satan you got some splainin' to do that's when he said man why the fuck you bring that Jew Daz' a dumb move, I knew exactly what Jesus bout' to do Satan musta' forgot Jesus is a master in Jew Jitsu and Christ kung Fu And that he don't take shit from no one, specially if your rude That's why I roll wit him and hes my number one dude The ass whooping I would soon bear witness was enough to convert atheists to Jehovahs witness That shit alone was a present, and it wasn't even Christmas Me n Christ had to let yall know don't fuck with our business. After Me n Jesus killed those swine We had to fine a new way to kill time I thought maybe I'll kick an infinite rhyme With perfect bars and Mike Tyson'esque punchlines Every word I soon uttered had a divine design I couldn't stop, line after line after line With Jesus on the track we perfectly intertwined Not even the sun would be able to outshine J Christ cuttin' the wax, and me spittin facts Right then and there I knew we'd always have each others back especially when throwing down for a dank weed sack Ya, see, Jesus smokes what he likes to calls Green Crack I said Man don't smoke crack, didn't you hear that shit is whack He said nah man its cool, it's just herb, nothing that'll fuck with my nerves He rolled a non-carcinogenic blunt that burnt for literally a whole damn month It was moistened with Jesus' saliva, if you didn't know, it burns slow even in lava I hit that shit and said GOD DAMN! Man I'm H, h, high Oh shit, no offense Non Taken, oh by the way, we always wakin'bakin' I said Ayo J aint that the Aliens we been shakin? Ya see we owed them some money, and... kinda stole their playstation I knew soon there'd be a battle we'd be facing So my heart started racing Jesus' got ill and started pacin' Practicing kicks, punches, even did ten million crunches I got out the speed bag, and gave that a go I couldn't stop, just like my fluidily flow But all of a sudden we heard something It was the Alien Grays trying to talk, mumbling I said what I can't hear you, you dumb cunt muffin I had to see if these alien cats were just bluffin Shit got heated quick like a futuristic oven They called for back up, we were outnumbered by a dozen But shit we've taken worse, this shit was nothing What these guys didn't realize is they just ruined our session These Grays were in for one hell of a lesson One not filled with scriptures and blessings But one that would cause them infinite stressing jesus broke out the first ever smith n wessun and starting blasting that shit while doing a head spin Bullets started wizzin by I'm like shit I hope I don't die This Jesus cat gets crazier when hes high off the lye Thats just me n Jesus cruisin' through the galaxy on a sunday drive.... The Battle of Self/Untitled? (just came up with title) I got demons in me, at times I feel they betta' then me, they're opposite positivity, ain't no divinity, only sin in me, them + me = an evil synergy, nasty like centipedes, wish I knew a remedy, one that is heavenly, but I don't, so I'm trying to cope with, this evil hokus pokus, evil mind poachas', they're ferocious, multiplying like cock-a-roaches, makin' me feel hopeless, like they broke this, this as in me, wanna make em history, but they get the best of me, cuz they know my recipes, shits stressin' me, I wanna be heavenly, but they tear through my mind, from time to time, and make me blind, to the possibilities, I could be, and achieve, wish they'd just leave, me, but it's not that, easy, ain't all, breezy, believe me, they deceive me, the make believe me, they please me, and I please them, manically destined, they come out when I'm round' my best friend, they come out when i'm doing my favorite things, I even seem em' in my dreams, fuck these evil beings, I use ta' be a caged bird that didn't sing, but I heard the bells of freedom ring, I'm onto these unda'cova', evil, motha' fuckas', I know where they at, and when they're commin', bitches betta' start runnin', cuz, Imma come'a gunnin' like cypress hill, hummin' commin' atcha', damn right I had ta' gat cha', time for yall to feel my rapture, call me the demon body snatcha, ha ha ha, they hear the sound of my laughta',cuz I'm about to end em, it was destined, a cloaked blessing, life lesson, no more stressin', my mind feels like heaven, I learned my lesson, my mind was the weapon, against my self, and I used it to murder me, now I'm feeling so wonderfully, no more boulda' on my shoulda, no more feelin' colda', then a arctic rolla'coasta', Just me, mySELF and I, no more demons on the ride Advice \t \t The World and beyond is truly unknown You can't always know everything We must deal with that; as a conscious being When uncertainty flares and anxiety comes Beat that anxiety like it's a drum, become serene There is no reason fear should intervene With anything you want to achieve Don't quit, don't cry, don't give up and leave Don't be scared Fear in the air leads to despair Face it with courage knowing that you are unaware And that you don't know what lies ahead But continue to trek through You can pass any obstacle if you put your mind to it Manifesting courage like that is rare But so are you I hope you can take these words and put them to action It may not happen all at once but when it does It is beyond great satisfaction Heart Ache, Too Late (hah, corny) \t \t Baby I miss you, so, so, much Every time I think about you, I tell my mind “hush” The reminder that you are not with me Puts a constant pain in my heart I just want to kiss you Touch you, be with you I hate having to miss you I miss your presence You beautiful positive essence your life lessons, memories and plethora of treasures, the time we spent together was a pleasure, A scale of gratitude I cannot even measure, I just wished this weather would pass And we could continue to last, But, Alas, I'm uncertain if that'll happen, I can hope and dream, that one day I may finally be your king, The man I wished and dreamed I was, is what I am now, But it may be too late,You may of sealed our fate, I'm only human, only primate, I make mistakes, Some, or All I wish I didn't, But I had to so I could learn, Please remember your are beyond beautiful, inside and out, A divine Goddess, Honest, These words are true, from my heart, (Needs a better ending IMO) My Childhood \t \t why is my house shut off I don't understand is it because mommy doesn't have a man? is it because we're damned? Did we do something wrong? Mom does everything that she can And that's not enough? I know this is gonna make me tough But I'm sick of living my life like a bluff This is more than rough I wish the big bad wolf would huff and puff and blow my house down So we can get a new one One that works Why? why must you make me feel dead inside why must you make me confine to my mind and hide why must you make me regret the school bus ride Sorry teacher, my home got shut off I couldn't do my homework My tear ducts were too busy working overtime My mind couldn't function to do this work Is this a good enough excuse? No wonder I've always been a recluse I've lived a life of solitude and sorrow Wishing I didn't have to see tomorrow Wishing I could get some money to borrow So I could pay these bills watching my mom suffer simply kills me inside, my life is a never ending roller coaster ride only I don't have a choice whether I want to ride or not (Wrote this a while ago) Untitled \t \t I held my pain in for too, too many years So long that I pondered if I'd ever shed tears Not feeling that emotion was one of my biggest fears My life got tragic again, this time, expressed with a pad and a pen No more holding it in, never, never holding it in again fuck that, it doesn't make you a man not to cry all it does it make your emotions die why do that to your self? Why lie? Why keep all that bottled up inside? Never let your true feelings hide Let them out, it's a wonderful ride my emotions started to flow freely like oceans finally what i've been hoping for many years, a tear dropped, as I read a poem that I wrote, choked up before I finished Right then and there I knew my emotions did not diminish (Wrote this a while ago too, don't even remember it) My Father (True Story) \t \t I never had the chance to know my father Sometimes I just sit back and ponder At what it’d be like If he was “normal,”and married to his wife My mother, living with me & my brother Never having to suffer My true emotions constantly smothered Putting up a front my whole life At one point I sat under my kitchen table Almost sliced my wrist with a knife But that’s selfish act, never would I want my family to live with that They’ve endured too much pain, committing that would push them from sane to insane I’ll be damned if I’d ever be that person I don’t know how I live with such burdens Though growing up with em’ made me a better person Constantly learning, constantly observing, yearning to know the truth My father and his two sons are living proof that miracles exist My father died, we shouldn’t exist I shouldn’t be able to write this Somehow he fought death and survived Now his blood pumps through me and makes my mental thrive Makes my physical thrive, makes me who I am inside, and out This started in 83’ when he was on route To go back to his jersey home Intoxicated, not wearing seat belts they rolled out Obviously lack of thoughts flowing through his dome A taxi swerved in front of em’ Caused the driver of their car to crash into somethin’ Taxi driver didn’t wanna’ stop, wanted to keep goin’ The Fare forced him to stop she got out and was first on the scene Thank God the fare was a nurse or my dad woulda' been laid in a hearse And we’d never of been given birth The scene of the accident was some tragic shit One body pancaked, mangled, compact, death on impact Two bodies fucked, my dad staggered Felt pain in his brain like he was being stabbed with a dagger Pain pounding, exclaiming he's in pain, but they paid no attention Swelled up brain put his pain to an end, lights out Six months later, outta’ a coma, some sort of divine intervention Can’t even imagine how they were stressin’ How did my mother and family cope? The man they loved was now broke How did they manage? Brain damaged, and body ravaged I couldn’t imagine my Grama’ and Grampa’ Watching one of their sons lay lifeless Pondering if she’ll stay or be wifeless My family prayed like a mother fucker They were mad righteous Hoping their son and brother won’t be lifeless I don’t believe in that shit, but I think all their positivity Saved him and allowed him and my mother to later create me and my brother So he can at least have a brighter future to see Cause his was desecrated, can’t be debated, he’ll never live his true passion Pondering what If I did this? What if this didn’t happen? His future was destroyed But a couple years later they conceived two wonderful boys Filled their broken hearts with infinite joy Hopefully we filled that void But I doubt we can Because that man will never been the same again \t \t Queen (September 09) I found a queen who is pure and pristine A queen that I seen vividly in my dreams With hair elegant, soft & sparkles with sheen Her presence is beyond serene something unseen We're destined to make it because this is something sacred A voice that makes my soul dance like fire She is my hearts desire and she is the amplifier To say I love her, you can call me a liar Our love is something much higher Something humans vocally cannot express Instead we just laugh smile giggle And question what on Earth is next (When I first Fell in love, God I miss her) \t \t Ms. Gabby As I think back to the night we first made out I know that we'll never get played out So soft, cute, and sexy, we got true love Bein' with you intoxicates me like a drug Even a gentle hug elevates my mind & spirit high above To the point where I'm at peace like a dove Love holding your hand cuz' it mentally & physically bonds our connection Every second we spend together is ecstasy infinitely times better than heaven Kissin' & cuddlin' with you constantly givin' me an erection But I don't mind, wit' you there's no such thing as time We got all the “time” in the world to let our love shine Thinking of you fuels my mind to write these rhymes Love filled lines, our souls intertwine, causing us to become divine Baby you're my Gabby, you're one of a kind Never forget that, I'll always have your back <3 Christian September 9, 2009