Tell me what you think of my Poetry? Please Read/Want feedback!!!

Discussion in 'The Artist's Corner' started by Guadalope, Mar 23, 2010.

  1. #1 Guadalope, Mar 23, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 23, 2010
    My Adventures with Jesus Christ the giver of Life - FUNNY SHIT PLEASE READ!!!! (No offense to any Christians)

    I murdered God and took his heavenly crown
    I was sick of the Vatican worshiping that clown
    I asked Jesus, you wanna ride? He said fa'sho, I'm down
    He drove the whip while I sprayed God with the mac clip
    Some shots missed, but most hit his neck head and lip
    God's bitch ass was lucky I didn't bring the hollow tips
    After that I rode shotgun with a shotgun and took a road trip to hell
    Satan's on my shit list and hes about to french kiss multiple shotgun shells
    Someone must of warned him cuz on the way me n Jesus heard hell's bells
    Like Ricky Ricardo I said Satan you got some splainin' to do
    that's when he said man why the fuck you bring that Jew
    Daz' a dumb move, I knew exactly what Jesus bout' to do
    Satan musta' forgot Jesus is a master in Jew Jitsu and Christ kung Fu
    And that he don't take shit from no one, specially if your rude
    That's why I roll wit him and hes my number one dude
    The ass whooping I would soon bear witness
    was enough to convert atheists to Jehovahs witness
    That shit alone was a present, and it wasn't even Christmas
    Me n Christ had to let yall know don't fuck with our business.


    After Me n Jesus killed those swine
    We had to fine a new way to kill time
    I thought maybe I'll kick an infinite rhyme
    With perfect bars and Mike Tyson'esque punchlines
    Every word I soon uttered had a divine design
    I couldn't stop, line after line after line
    With Jesus on the track we perfectly intertwined
    Not even the sun would be able to outshine
    J Christ cuttin' the wax, and me spittin facts
    Right then and there I knew we'd always have each others back
    especially when throwing down for a dank weed sack
    Ya, see, Jesus smokes what he likes to calls Green Crack
    I said Man don't smoke crack, didn't you hear that shit is whack
    He said nah man its cool, it's just herb, nothing that'll fuck with my nerves
    He rolled a non-carcinogenic blunt that burnt for literally a whole damn month
    It was moistened with Jesus' saliva, if you didn't know, it burns slow even in lava
    I hit that shit and said GOD DAMN! Man I'm H, h, high Oh shit, no offense
    Non Taken, oh by the way, we always wakin'bakin'
    I said Ayo J aint that the Aliens we been shakin?
    Ya see we owed them some money, and... kinda stole their playstation
    I knew soon there'd be a battle we'd be facing
    So my heart started racing
    Jesus' got ill and started pacin'
    Practicing kicks, punches, even did ten million crunches
    I got out the speed bag, and gave that a go
    I couldn't stop, just like my fluidily flow
    But all of a sudden we heard something
    It was the Alien Grays trying to talk, mumbling
    I said what I can't hear you, you dumb cunt muffin
    I had to see if these alien cats were just bluffin
    Shit got heated quick like a futuristic oven
    They called for back up, we were outnumbered by a dozen
    But shit we've taken worse, this shit was nothing
    What these guys didn't realize is they just ruined our session
    These Grays were in for one hell of a lesson
    One not filled with scriptures and blessings
    But one that would cause them infinite stressing
    jesus broke out the first ever smith n wessun
    and starting blasting that shit while doing a head spin
    Bullets started wizzin by I'm like shit I hope I don't die
    This Jesus cat gets crazier when hes high off the lye
    Thats just me n Jesus cruisin' through the galaxy on a sunday drive....

    The Battle of Self/Untitled? (just came up with title)


    I got demons in me, at times I feel they betta' then me,

    they're opposite positivity, ain't no divinity,

    only sin in me, them + me = an evil synergy,

    nasty like centipedes, wish I knew a remedy,

    one that is heavenly, but I don't,

    so I'm trying to cope with,

    this evil hokus pokus, evil mind poachas',

    they're ferocious, multiplying like cock-a-roaches,

    makin' me feel hopeless,

    like they broke this, this as in me,

    wanna make em history,

    but they get the best of me,

    cuz they know my recipes, shits stressin' me,

    I wanna be heavenly,

    but they tear through my mind,

    from time to time, and make me blind,

    to the possibilities, I could be, and achieve,

    wish they'd just leave, me, but it's not that, easy,

    ain't all, breezy, believe me, they deceive me,

    the make believe me, they please me,

    and I please them, manically destined,

    they come out when I'm round' my best friend,

    they come out when i'm doing my favorite things,

    I even seem em' in my dreams, fuck these evil beings,

    I use ta' be a caged bird that didn't sing,

    but I heard the bells of freedom ring,

    I'm onto these unda'cova', evil, motha' fuckas',

    I know where they at, and when they're commin',

    bitches betta' start runnin', cuz, Imma come'a gunnin' like cypress hill,

    hummin' commin' atcha', damn right I had ta' gat cha',

    time for yall to feel my rapture,

    call me the demon body snatcha, ha ha ha,

    they hear the sound of my laughta',cuz I'm about to end em,

    it was destined, a cloaked blessing, life lesson,

    no more stressin', my mind feels like heaven,

    I learned my lesson, my mind was the weapon,

    against my self, and I used it to murder me,

    now I'm feeling so wonderfully, no more boulda' on my shoulda,

    no more feelin' colda', then a arctic rolla'coasta',

    Just me, mySELF and I, no more demons on the ride

    Advice


    \t \t The World and beyond is truly unknown
    You can't always know everything
    We must deal with that; as a conscious being
    When uncertainty flares and anxiety comes
    Beat that anxiety like it's a drum, become serene
    There is no reason fear should intervene
    With anything you want to achieve
    Don't quit, don't cry, don't give up and leave
    Don't be scared
    Fear in the air leads to despair
    Face it with courage
    knowing that you are unaware
    And that you don't know what lies ahead
    But continue to trek through
    You can pass any obstacle if you put your mind to it
    Manifesting courage like that is rare
    But so are you
    I hope you can take these words
    and put them to action
    It may not happen all at once
    but when it does
    It is beyond great satisfaction



    Heart Ache, Too Late (hah, corny)

    \t \t Baby I miss you, so, so, much
    Every time I think about you, I tell my mind “hush”
    The reminder that you are not with me
    Puts a constant pain in my heart
    I just want to kiss you
    Touch you, be with you
    I hate having to miss you
    I miss your presence
    You beautiful positive essence
    your life lessons, memories and plethora of treasures,
    the time we spent together was a pleasure,
    A scale of gratitude I cannot even measure,
    I just wished this weather would pass
    And we could continue to last,
    But, Alas, I'm uncertain if that'll happen,
    I can hope and dream, that one day I may finally be your king,
    The man I wished and dreamed I was, is what I am now,
    But it may be too late,You may of sealed our fate,
    I'm only human, only primate, I make mistakes,
    Some, or All I wish I didn't, But I had to so I could learn,
    Please remember your are beyond beautiful, inside and out,
    A divine Goddess, Honest, These words are true, from my heart,
    (Needs a better ending IMO)



    My Childhood
    \t \t why is my house shut off
    I don't understand
    is it because mommy doesn't have a man?
    is it because we're damned?
    Did we do something wrong?
    Mom does everything that she can
    And that's not enough?
    I know this is gonna make me tough
    But I'm sick of living my life like a bluff
    This is more than rough
    I wish the big bad wolf would huff and puff
    and blow my house down
    So we can get a new one
    One that works
    Why? why must you make me feel dead inside
    why must you make me confine to my mind and hide
    why must you make me regret the school bus ride
    Sorry teacher, my home got shut off
    I couldn't do my homework
    My tear ducts were too busy working overtime
    My mind couldn't function to do this work
    Is this a good enough excuse?
    No wonder I've always been a recluse
    I've lived a life of solitude and sorrow
    Wishing I didn't have to see tomorrow
    Wishing I could get some money to borrow
    So I could pay these bills
    watching my mom suffer simply kills
    me inside, my life is a never ending roller coaster ride
    only I don't have a choice whether I want to ride or not
    (Wrote this a while ago)



    Untitled
    \t \t I held my pain in for too, too many years
    So long that I pondered if I'd ever shed tears
    Not feeling that emotion was one of my biggest fears
    My life got tragic again, this time, expressed with a pad and a pen
    No more holding it in, never, never holding it in again
    fuck that, it doesn't make you a man not to cry
    all it does it make your emotions die
    why do that to your self? Why lie?
    Why keep all that bottled up inside?
    Never let your true feelings hide
    Let them out, it's a wonderful ride
    my emotions started to flow freely like oceans
    finally what i've been hoping for many years,
    a tear dropped, as I read a poem that I wrote,

    choked up before I finished
    Right then and there I knew my emotions did not diminish
    (Wrote this a while ago too, don't even remember it)



    My Father (True Story)
    \t \t I never had the chance to know my father
    Sometimes I just sit back and ponder
    At what it’d be like
    If he was “normal,”and married to his wife
    My mother, living with me & my brother
    Never having to suffer
    My true emotions constantly smothered
    Putting up a front my whole life
    At one point I sat under my kitchen table
    Almost sliced my wrist with a knife
    But that’s selfish act, never would I want my family to live with that
    They’ve endured too much pain, committing that would push them from sane to insane
    I’ll be damned if I’d ever be that person
    I don’t know how I live with such burdens
    Though growing up with em’ made me a better person
    Constantly learning, constantly observing, yearning to know the truth
    My father and his two sons are living proof that miracles exist
    My father died, we shouldn’t exist
    I shouldn’t be able to write this
    Somehow he fought death and survived
    Now his blood pumps through me and makes my mental thrive
    Makes my physical thrive, makes me who I am inside, and out
    This started in 83’ when he was on route
    To go back to his jersey home
    Intoxicated, not wearing seat belts they rolled out
    Obviously lack of thoughts flowing through his dome
    A taxi swerved in front of em’
    Caused the driver of their car to crash into somethin’
    Taxi driver didn’t wanna’ stop, wanted to keep goin’
    The Fare forced him to stop she got out and was first on the scene
    Thank God the fare was a nurse or my dad woulda' been laid in a hearse
    And we’d never of been given birth
    The scene of the accident was some tragic shit
    One body pancaked, mangled, compact, death on impact
    Two bodies fucked, my dad staggered
    Felt pain in his brain like he was being stabbed with a dagger
    Pain pounding, exclaiming he's in pain, but they paid no attention
    Swelled up brain put his pain to an end, lights out
    Six months later, outta’ a coma, some sort of divine intervention
    Can’t even imagine how they were stressin’
    How did my mother and family cope?
    The man they loved was now broke
    How did they manage?
    Brain damaged, and body ravaged
    I couldn’t imagine my Grama’ and Grampa’
    Watching one of their sons lay lifeless
    Pondering if she’ll stay or be wifeless
    My family prayed like a mother fucker
    They were mad righteous
    Hoping their son and brother won’t be lifeless
    I don’t believe in that shit, but I think all their positivity
    Saved him and allowed him and my mother to later create me and my brother
    So he can at least have a brighter future to see
    Cause his was desecrated, can’t be debated, he’ll never live his true passion
    Pondering what If I did this? What if this didn’t happen?
    His future was destroyed
    But a couple years later they conceived two wonderful boys
    Filled their broken hearts with infinite joy
    Hopefully we filled that void
    But I doubt we can
    Because that man will never been the same again


    \t \t Queen (September 09)
    I found a queen who is pure and pristine
    A queen that I seen vividly in my dreams
    With hair elegant, soft & sparkles with sheen
    Her presence is beyond serene something unseen
    We're destined to make it because this is something sacred
    A voice that makes my soul dance like fire
    She is my hearts desire and she is the amplifier
    To say I love her, you can call me a liar
    Our love is something much higher
    Something humans vocally cannot express
    Instead we just laugh smile giggle
    And question what on Earth is next
    (When I first Fell in love, God I miss her)


    \t \t Ms. Gabby
    As I think back to the night we first made out
    I know that we'll never get played out
    So soft, cute, and sexy, we got true love
    Bein' with you intoxicates me like a drug
    Even a gentle hug elevates my mind & spirit high above
    To the point where I'm at peace like a dove
    Love holding your hand cuz' it mentally & physically bonds our connection
    Every second we spend together is ecstasy infinitely times better than heaven
    Kissin' & cuddlin' with you constantly givin' me an erection
    But I don't mind, wit' you there's no such thing as time
    We got all the “time” in the world to let our love shine
    Thinking of you fuels my mind to write these rhymes
    Love filled lines, our souls intertwine, causing us to become divine
    Baby you're my Gabby, you're one of a kind
    Never forget that, I'll always have your back
    <3 Christian
    September 9, 2009
     
  2. "Satan musta' forgot Jesus is a master in Jew Jitsu and Christ kung Fu"

    i lol'd
     

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