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Life really kind of sucks all in all....

  • by new buddy
  • Feb 23 2010 11:56 PM
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Posted 23 February 2010 - 11:56 PM

Sorry for this whining kind of thing, but I need to vent and what better place to do it then an online weed forum where I'm completely anonymous.

Just watching everyone around me getting old as I'm just starting my life has me so depressed. My dad is 67, mom 65. I feel bad to say it but I get depressed just looking at my dad. His mother died of Alzheimer's when she was in her 90s and to be honest I feel like there is a good chance he might get it, although I don't really know why I feel this way.

My sisters and brothers are all at least 20 years older than me with the oldest being 30 years older. and it's really going to suck when there almost senior citizens and I'm in my late 20s. (My mom started early i know).

My dad retired at the age of 60 and hes done nothing but sit at home, doing absolutely nothing walking around the house everyday. He's really become a miserable old man. In fact both of them have become so miserable that they argue with each other non-stop for (what I'm sure is) the sole purpose of entertaining one another. I can't even stand to live in this house anymore. I need to transfer schools to somewhere far away where I can dorm, but then if anything were to happen I would never forgive myself for leaving so soon.

Because of the way my dad is I never want to retire and now I don't know if I ever want to get married. I'm going to be working my whole life and that's it. I refuse to become like him when I grow old and seemingly die of boredom. You know they say when you have nothing to do statistics show you die much earlier?

I don't know if I'll be able to make it in the real world. Many people tell me that I'm very bright because I can learn very, very quickly. On the other hand I feel like I'm a little bit below average because everyone seems to get along in life better than I do. I don't think anyone is going to understand what I really mean by that, but oh well.

My mom is a whole other story, but long story short she was diagnosed with Hepatitis C when I was 14 and was given a year to live. Thanks to an amazing doctor (who has inspired me to come to where I am now) she made a great recovery and is still here and alive almost 5 years later. However, the disease is still with her and she has at the very most no more than 10 years to go. She is the nicest and absolute most generous person you could ever meet in your entire life and I'm scared for her.

She's had to deal with so much because of this disease. She's been prescribed Xanax for the stress and actual fear of death that she has. Also had a battle with an opiate addiction to 120mg of Oxycodone a day. She's very stubborn and wouldn't listen to her doctor so she just quit cold turkey when she saw how out of hand this got to the point that the pain meds were making her even sicker. Withdrawals were so bad for her on top of the disease which she already had and rheumatoid arthritis; needless to say she was in total agony. Now she's on only 40 mg per day, but with tolerance issues and such I can see it going back up to 120 mg eventually.

Edited by new buddy, 24 February 2010 - 12:18 AM.

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Posted 24 February 2010 - 12:16 AM

Shit man. Just keep your head up, and keep toking :P

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Posted 24 February 2010 - 12:20 AM

havent even been doing that lately... looks like its time to buy a fat O next time i get the cash. I could use some weed right now.

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Posted 24 February 2010 - 12:21 AM

Has your mom considered using marijuana for the pain?

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Posted 24 February 2010 - 12:25 AM

I live in new york so there is no medical marijuana. She used to be a big time coke addict back in her day (I'm pretty sure she used to shoot up, because she has so many collapsed veins, and i think this is how she caught Hep C in the first place) so now shes kind of against illegal drugs. I really should try to talk her into it though.

She runs a business and such out of our home so I doubt she would be willing to smoke in the mornings before work (when she is in the most pain).

edit: On second thought, seeing as though she absolutely hates the pain medication she's on now I actually wouldn't be surprised if she would consider it.

Edited by new buddy, 24 February 2010 - 12:32 AM.


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Posted 24 February 2010 - 12:36 AM

.................

Edited by Knee Deeper, 25 February 2010 - 05:31 AM.


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Posted 24 February 2010 - 12:41 AM

I live in new york so there is no medical marijuana. She used to be a big time coke addict back in her day (I'm pretty sure she used to shoot up, because she has so many collapsed veins, and i think this is how she caught Hep C in the first place) so now shes kind of against illegal drugs. I really should try to talk her into it though.

She runs a business and such out of our home so I doubt she would be willing to smoke in the mornings before work (when she is in the most pain).

edit: On second thought, seeing as though she absolutely hates the pain medication she's on now I actually wouldn't be surprised if she would consider it.

make her some edibles man. that way she can just eat her breakfast and feel better!

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Posted 24 February 2010 - 12:53 AM

I'm going to have a conversation with her about it later. I think a vaporizer would be the way to go for her though, since she needs energy and can't really afford to be any more tired than she already is.

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Posted 24 February 2010 - 01:38 AM

life's fucked bro, you've got to desensitize yourself to that shit ASAP or you'll hang yourself, no bullshit. think of it this way; your parents, at the end of the day like everyone else, are humans, and their life choices and experiences have brought them to where they are now, regardless of your existence. you can't worry about everyone else or blame yourself for other people's decisions. they're going to die one day and it'll suck but that's life, they've had their turn and now it's yours. the best you can do is make them proud by doing what they couldn't or didn't want to do. just live it man, do what you want to do. no one can expect any more of you.

buy that motherfucking ounce, cuz you only live once
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Posted 24 February 2010 - 01:45 AM

Post back w/ results to what your mom says. From the sounds of her past drug use I would say she experimented w/ marijuana once or twice haha. Maybe she will give it a shot. Sounds like she could be open minded about it

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Posted 24 February 2010 - 02:12 AM

What you need to do is start making magic food for your family. Maybe some weak shit so they just think they're having a good day instead of being high.

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Posted 24 February 2010 - 02:25 AM

Yeah so just had a small talk about it with my mom. She kind of laughed at the thought but I could tell she wasn't totally against it. She agreed with me that it would be SO much better than what shes currently taking.

Next time I get some weed I'll bring it up again. She didn't really take me seriously though, how can I propose this as a more serious option to her?


Anyway blades i got some xanax in me so I'm going to be passing out pretty soon. Thanks for all the replies and such. Peaceee.

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Posted 24 February 2010 - 03:45 AM

Yeah so just had a small talk about it with my mom. She kind of laughed at the thought but I could tell she wasn't totally against it. She agreed with me that it would be SO much better than what shes currently taking.

Next time I get some weed I'll bring it up again. She didn't really take me seriously though, how can I propose this as a more serious option to her?


Anyway blades i got some xanax in me so I'm going to be passing out pretty soon. Thanks for all the replies and such. Peaceee.


Hand her a brownie and say "Eat up". Or the smoking equivalent of this.

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Posted 24 February 2010 - 04:18 AM

I meant...SNEAK that shit into their food, drinks, etc.

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Posted 24 February 2010 - 06:17 AM

Definitely don’t sneak anything into her food without her knowing. That could break her trust with you. Rather, the next time you have bud, just casually bring it up. If she isn’t aware of your habits, make sure you tread lightly. It is all about trust. Stop worrying about the future and enjoy the present. Toke on man.

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Posted 24 February 2010 - 07:27 AM

lifes a bitch bro. live it to the fullest because it comes to an end too fast! especially with the ones you love most

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Posted 24 February 2010 - 07:44 AM

gl with everythinn man

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Posted 25 February 2010 - 03:05 AM

thanks bro.... yeah maybe i gotta just live my life. im going to still try to help my mom out as much as i can, but things are gunna happen that i can't control.

thanks for all the replies

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Posted 25 February 2010 - 03:22 AM

life's fucked bro, you've got to desensitize yourself to that shit ASAP or you'll hang yourself, no bullshit. think of it this way; your parents, at the end of the day like everyone else, are humans, and their life choices and experiences have brought them to where they are now, regardless of your existence. you can't worry about everyone else or blame yourself for other people's decisions. they're going to die one day and it'll suck but that's life, they've had their turn and now it's yours. the best you can do is make them proud by doing what they couldn't or didn't want to do. just live it man, do what you want to do. no one can expect any more of you.

buy that motherfucking ounce, cuz you only live once


at his...i honestly can say i might possibly remember this response for years to come...couldnt have said it any better. =)
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Posted 25 February 2010 - 03:22 AM

it is a small word. As for feeling guilty for leaving home, dont. This is YOUR life, there comes a time when the bird must leave the nest, there is an entire world out there right outside your door

do what you got to do, i am graduating soon, a couple of months, and i will be free, no longer anchored in this house, this town, this school. Wandering the mountains and deserts in isolation, writing writing wrtiting


also what punkrocker said word for mother fucking word




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