Just watching everyone around me getting old as I'm just starting my life has me so depressed. My dad is 67, mom 65. I feel bad to say it but I get depressed just looking at my dad. His mother died of Alzheimer's when she was in her 90s and to be honest I feel like there is a good chance he might get it, although I don't really know why I feel this way.
My sisters and brothers are all at least 20 years older than me with the oldest being 30 years older. and it's really going to suck when there almost senior citizens and I'm in my late 20s. (My mom started early i know).
My dad retired at the age of 60 and hes done nothing but sit at home, doing absolutely nothing walking around the house everyday. He's really become a miserable old man. In fact both of them have become so miserable that they argue with each other non-stop for (what I'm sure is) the sole purpose of entertaining one another. I can't even stand to live in this house anymore. I need to transfer schools to somewhere far away where I can dorm, but then if anything were to happen I would never forgive myself for leaving so soon.
Because of the way my dad is I never want to retire and now I don't know if I ever want to get married. I'm going to be working my whole life and that's it. I refuse to become like him when I grow old and seemingly die of boredom. You know they say when you have nothing to do statistics show you die much earlier?
I don't know if I'll be able to make it in the real world. Many people tell me that I'm very bright because I can learn very, very quickly. On the other hand I feel like I'm a little bit below average because everyone seems to get along in life better than I do. I don't think anyone is going to understand what I really mean by that, but oh well.
My mom is a whole other story, but long story short she was diagnosed with Hepatitis C when I was 14 and was given a year to live. Thanks to an amazing doctor (who has inspired me to come to where I am now) she made a great recovery and is still here and alive almost 5 years later. However, the disease is still with her and she has at the very most no more than 10 years to go. She is the nicest and absolute most generous person you could ever meet in your entire life and I'm scared for her.
She's had to deal with so much because of this disease. She's been prescribed Xanax for the stress and actual fear of death that she has. Also had a battle with an opiate addiction to 120mg of Oxycodone a day. She's very stubborn and wouldn't listen to her doctor so she just quit cold turkey when she saw how out of hand this got to the point that the pain meds were making her even sicker. Withdrawals were so bad for her on top of the disease which she already had and rheumatoid arthritis; needless to say she was in total agony. Now she's on only 40 mg per day, but with tolerance issues and such I can see it going back up to 120 mg eventually.
Edited by new buddy, 24 February 2010 - 12:18 AM.