How to pass a drug test. (Comprehensive Guide)
Ok, so there is a lot of information out there on how to pass a drug test. This is meant to be a comprehensive guide. I understand that not all of these steps need to be taken in order to test negative, however, for the very heavy smoker, or very stressed user, following this advice can almost GUARANTEE a negative result in a week or less. For me, five days.
My research began when I finally got a call back for a very lucrative position with a very good company. I had smoked probably about 4-5 grams a week for the previous six months to one year. I figured I had some work to do, as they wanted a pre-employment drug screening.
So a little background on me, just so people don’t think I’m talking out of my ass. I have a Bachelor’s degree in Biology and Psychology, concentrated in Neuroscience. I also minored in analytical chemistry. Degree was from a very good school in the northeast. I am hoping to be enrolled in grad school within a year. (Fuck everyone who thinks all potheads are dumb or lazy; my research sponsor has a doctorate in behavioral neuroscience, smokes pot regularly, and is on the board for decriminalization in my state. If he is dumb, then why is he getting over a million dollars in federal-grant money to do neuro-research?)
Just so everyone is aware, I am writing this guide for the chubby, chronic-smoker, who needs to pass a test in a week. Meaning, this is for a worse case scenario. For a person with an, active, healthy lifestyle, it is much easier. Also, if you do not smoke a lot of pot then it is easier as well. That being said, not all of these things need to be done in order to pass a test, however, if you want to absolutely ensure that you do, engage in as many as you can.
So, how to pass a drug test? I split this up into sections, to make it a little easier to read, and so hopefully, you can learn a little something about how marijuana works in your body.
A. How Marijuana acts in your body. How to get it out. (Five Days Prior to Test)
THC is one of the hardest drugs to rid your body of. It is fat-soluble, meaning that it is stored in your fat cells. Depending on your lifestyle, it can be with you for a very long time. As it is released into your blood stream, it is metabolized. It is important to note that drug tests do not actually test for THC, they test for THC-COOH, which is the metabolite. The best course of action is to get the metabolite out of your urine, or at least knock it down to undetectable levels. There are many different ways to accomplish. It is not as hard as many make it out to be.
a. Stop smoking as soon as you can. I know that is a terrible, annoying, tip that everyone says, but the longer you don’t smoke before the test the better.
b.For the first five days leading up to the test you want to try to metabolize as much of the THC as you possibly can. This means you have to burn fat fast, (this is great if you are trying to lose weight too, I’m not overweight, just average, but I lost ten pounds in four days without a crash diet, and I actually feel pretty dam good.) Workout, 30-60 minutes a day, at least four out of the five days. Try to do both aerobic and anaerobic workouts in order to maximize fat burn over the shortest amount of time. Also, you will need to adjust your diet. You DO NOT want to stop eating. You need your metabolism to be as quick as possible. Eat as much raw fruits and veggies as you want. Eat them often. Also eat protein in the form of seafood or eggs. There are items you want to avoid eating. This is VERY important. Eat nothing that turns to glucose in one step in the body. Meaning NO, NONE, ZIP, of wheat, rice, potatoes, sugar, junk food, greasy food. I loaded up on veggies, tuna, and eggs. If you want to try to find foods that would be good, go to one of those dieting sites and look for a glycemic index. Anything that is rated low is fine. Avoid red meat, pork, and chicken. They are too difficult to digest. The THC-COOH will just continue to turn over in your intestine. Again, for emphasis, eat raw veggies, they contain some of the compounds that I will go over later that will help clear your system. Also, everyday drink one gallon of water with six fresh lemons squeezed into it. Must be fresh; lemons contain Choline and are a natural diuretic. I’ll tell you why all that is important later, but bottled lemon juice will not work. This is the step that you should try to do your best not to skip as you want to clear the metabolite out of your system as you are producing it. Try to avoid alcohol. You need your liver to be fully functional.
c. Vitamins and compounds to take. I’ll start with the ones some people may not know about and then get into the basics.
1. Phosphatidyl Choline- This is very easy to find in a GNC or Vitamin Shoppe. It is marketed as a mental stimulant because it helps produce trimethylglycine, which in turn produces S-adenosylmethionine, or SAM-e, the feel good pill. Another little advantage is that it works to clear your liver of fat-soluble toxins. It will help get the THC into your blood so you can metabolize it. I took 730 mg a day, plus there is a ton in fresh veggies and fruits (especially lemons).
2. Zinc Sulfite- This one is a little trickier to find. Regular zinc supplements are usually in other forms, but you don’t want those, you need zinc in this form. I suggest 25-50 mg, however, I could not find a recommended dosage for the purpose of cleansing. This is just the daily-recommended dose for supplementation. I found one bottle at Vitamin Shoppe, but it was pricey, so I opted against. Multi-vitamins have it in this form sometimes; you will have to read the label. For a little background, the majority of THC-COOH leaves your body through feces, not urine. Your body reuses bile, the stuff that helps your large intestine process food. It reabsorbs it, and often takes the THC metabolite with it, meaning it does not leave your system. Zinc sulfite supposedly binds to the metabolite, making the compound to big to be absorbed. This means it can exit your body. I say supposedly because this was an experimental study done on rats, but hey, they test all kinds of pharmaceuticals on rats first anyway, so it should work.
3. B-Complex – This is important. It will serve several purposes. B2, B6, and B12 all serve to assist your metabolism. The faster it works, the more THC your body can process. Also, B vitamins are a little funny in that they work together. If you take to much of one with out the rest, your body will flush them. This is why many consider Niacin a myth. 1-2 Daily.
3a. Quick Release Niacin – Niacin, some will swear by it, others consider it a myth. If you understand how it woks, hen you will understand how it helps you flush THC. First of all, you need the quick release. This is the stuff that makes you turn red and itchy. Not to worry, it only lasts about 20 minutes. There are other such as no-flush and niacinimide. These will not work. If you don’t turn red and itchy then either you got the wrong stuff, or your not taking enough. Also, it is a B vitamin, so if you are not taking the B-Complex then you will not be getting the full effect. The reason that Niacin does work is because it acts as a vasodilator. It increases blood flow, especially in the capillaries, which will allow the fat cells in your body to secrete toxins at a faster pace. It also allows THC to pass quicker through the body, increasing the rate of metabolism. I took 250-500 mg daily. I don’t recommend taking more then 3 grams in one day, as niacin can be potentially dangerous in large doses.
4. Good Multivitamin – This one is simple. It will cover anything you are missing in your new diet. The better your body functions, the better shape you are in. Also, multivitamins contain many of the aforementioned things, except niacin. You should not substitute the actual supplements for the multivitamin. Zinc Sulfite can be found in suitable quantity from a multi.
B. 48 Hours Prior to the Test. Pay Attention
If you have been doing all the steps up till this point you should have processed much of the THC in you body, however, there may still be some present. If there is, now is the time to lock it up in your fat. If it does not get in your blood, it cannot be metabolized, and therefore, cannot end up in your urine.
1. Stop working out. Be lazy. Go ahead, you deserve it.
2. Stop taking niacin. You don’t want anymore THC secreting out of your fat cells.
3. Continue taking all the other supplements, including the lemon water.
4. Continue eating healthy. Make sure you add grapes to your snack list as they are an excellent diuretic, and will help you flush the remaining metabolite from your kidneys and blood.
C. Day of test. Most important.
This is possibly the most important part of this guide. Following these steps the day of the test will ensure that if any THC-COOH remains in your system, it will be undetectable.Schedule your test in the afternoon. If this is not possible then you will have to wake up early in order to ensure that you have time to complete all steps.
1. When you wake up, do not eat anything right away. If you are very hungry, go with grapes. Immediately start drinking your lemon water. You do not have to drink all of it, but you should try to finish at least half. This should ensure that you will urinate several times before the test, thus flushing your system.
2. When you have finished drinking, and are sure that you no longer have to pee, eat a healthy breakfast. Whatever you want. Make sure you have lots of protein though, maybe three to four eggs, or a protein bar. You want to ensure that your creatine levels are high so that they do not think you are trying to flush. Also, at this stage double on your B-Complex. This will help color your urine yellow so it does not look suspicious.
3. One hour before the test, take 1000 mg of aspirin. This is the equivalent to two extra strength pills. Acetylsalicylic acid, which is the active ingredient in aspirin plays a large role on a variety of carboxyl acids that occur within the body. This may be a part of why it is thought to mask the metabolite in urine tests. I am still researching this, and cannot attest to how effective taking the aspirin is. My organic chemistry is a little rusty, so maybe someone with more knowledge in this area can look at the chemical structure of the metabolite and the aspirin, and determine how, if they do, interact. Note to this person, there are many stages of THC-COOH production and many effects of aspirin in the body that must be taken into account. I am still wading through it, but I would love to have someone who could help.
4. One half hour before the test, drink two bottles of water. You cannot urinate now until the test.
5. When you take the test, make sure that you pee a little first, and then start filling the tube about halfway through.
And there you go. Wait for your negative test results.