First of all, i've smoked pot probably 7 or 8 times in the last 2 years and when i did got pretty hi off of a few bowl hits which i deeply inhaled and held in because i wanted to get as hi as possible.
Anyways, almost a month ago i had a very bad experience. I was with a group of people smoking a blunt and got really high but it wasn't a very fun hi for some odd reason. I was also very drunk as it was after the bars, but this is typically the case when i go to this group of girls house to smoke.
I ended up going home and going to sleep. Probably an hour after falling asleep i wake up with unbearable Paranoia which i try to fight for what seemed like hours but was probably about half an hour. I had no control over my thoughts, every thought seemed unbearably bad, and i basically felt like i was in hell. I feel like i now can relate to and feel remorse for people who completely lose their minds and become schizophrenic from this 30 minute time period.
Small attacks the next 3 days
Anyways, the next 3 days i had small panic attacks that i controlled but really bothered me. One came unexpectedly while watching "Street Kings" during the funeral scene. It seems so weird to me that this scene would subconsciously trigger a small panic/ loss of ability to control thoughts.
The second one happened two days after smoking when i went to the rec center to lift weights. For some Reason i was in my 3rd lift and just started freaking out. I had to go sit on the john in the bathroom to gather my head for 10 minutes. I then ended up finishing a 2 and a half hour routine, but the little attack troubled me.
The last one happened at the beginning of a road trip to South Dakota while listening to a george strait song in the truck. I didn't get super paranoid but, a high heart rate and feeling of nausia, it almost felt like someone might feel as a result of being caught in a serious phobia situation.
I was with people all these times and controlled the attacks to the point where nothing was noticable, however, my mind seemed to be doing things involuntarily.
Since then, I have functioned normally, However, i feel that my mind is not quite the same as it was before. I often feel tiny reminents of the paranoia and often psych myself out about the possibility that i may becoming insane and may have fucked up my mind permanently.
I seem to have a harder time feeling joy, short term memory seems to be dulled a tad, and it seems like my ability to try to relate to feelings other people are talking about have diminished some.
I've vowed to never smoke again, as i realize its not worth it for me, however, i almost feel like i'm screwed up permanently by way of some sort of brain/nerve damage i may have caused. I'm wandering if anyone can graciously help me to sort out what this last smoking experience has done to my mind and possibly some things to help get my mind back to normal state.
Im mainly worried because i figured that the short term effects would have worn off by now, but some small but depressingly annoying damages seem to linger on.
p.s. I have also noticed that some of the weird happenings and feelings seem to escalate when my heart rate goes up, such as a time today at the rec center and then later when i had a caffenaited pop and a cigarette.
Edited by anp2004, 03 August 2009 - 03:27 AM.