Anyways, after such a long period of my body being in a state of disrepair, it is fighting back. I haven't been in true shape in a long long time and it's only coming up on the 3rd work day of the week and I am already going to bed at 10pm.
So after work I went and bought a large thing of Epsom salt and Icy Hot. Years of playing contact sports taught me that warm baths and Icy Hot are a man's best friend. You could be a 90 year old man with the worst recorded case of Osteoperosis, but a warm bath and a slather of Icy Hot will make you feel like a 20 year old.
So I soak my weary body in a nice hot tub filled with water and Epsom salt, turn on some tunes and lay back. All that tension seeping out of my muscles and down the drain. Get out, dry off and it is time for the Icy Hot.
Now the thing about Icy Hot is that it can run pretty easy. I learned this the hard way back in High School when I decided to spread some on my lower abdomen before practice. A hot day will make even the thickest of application turn into a flowing river... A flowing river headed straight to your freshly shaven testicles does not make for the best of summer days.
So anyways, I had a moment of relapse... be it from the after work joints or the long work week but I made the cardinal sin of Icy Hot. Applying it to your inner thighs. Now at first that may not seem too bad, but remember where those testicles of yours dangle. Soon after putting on my slather, I realize this and rush over to the sink to try and wash off my testicles of this scorching acid... Too late, it had already set in.
You ever wonder what 1,000 scorpions stinging your ball sack at once would feel like? What a magnified ray of the sun bounced off your fleshy teabag would feel like? It feels about as good as getting a colonoscopy from Helen Keller would feel like. And no jiggle dance or jangle is going to help the pain. You can stand there fanning your balls while resting on a bucket of ice and it's still going to burn like a group of farmers just did a slash and burn on your precious danglers.
You just got to wait that shit out.
So I sit here typing this while my balls still tingle a bit... so kids, the lesson of the day is to not apply Icy Hot to your inner thighs unless you are into a little pain/pleasure.