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Icy Hot+Testicles=Night of Fun

  • by Foop
  • Jun 18 2008 03:18 AM
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  • Foop
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Posted 18 June 2008 - 03:18 AM

So after a long drought of unemployment, I finally got a job. Nothing great, just hard hard labor for decent pay. The kind of work that zaps your energy but leaves you feeling like you actually did something at the end of the day.

Anyways, after such a long period of my body being in a state of disrepair, it is fighting back. I haven't been in true shape in a long long time and it's only coming up on the 3rd work day of the week and I am already going to bed at 10pm.

So after work I went and bought a large thing of Epsom salt and Icy Hot. Years of playing contact sports taught me that warm baths and Icy Hot are a man's best friend. You could be a 90 year old man with the worst recorded case of Osteoperosis, but a warm bath and a slather of Icy Hot will make you feel like a 20 year old.

So I soak my weary body in a nice hot tub filled with water and Epsom salt, turn on some tunes and lay back. All that tension seeping out of my muscles and down the drain. Get out, dry off and it is time for the Icy Hot.

Now the thing about Icy Hot is that it can run pretty easy. I learned this the hard way back in High School when I decided to spread some on my lower abdomen before practice. A hot day will make even the thickest of application turn into a flowing river... A flowing river headed straight to your freshly shaven testicles does not make for the best of summer days.

So anyways, I had a moment of relapse... be it from the after work joints or the long work week but I made the cardinal sin of Icy Hot. Applying it to your inner thighs. Now at first that may not seem too bad, but remember where those testicles of yours dangle. Soon after putting on my slather, I realize this and rush over to the sink to try and wash off my testicles of this scorching acid... Too late, it had already set in.

You ever wonder what 1,000 scorpions stinging your ball sack at once would feel like? What a magnified ray of the sun bounced off your fleshy teabag would feel like? It feels about as good as getting a colonoscopy from Helen Keller would feel like. And no jiggle dance or jangle is going to help the pain. You can stand there fanning your balls while resting on a bucket of ice and it's still going to burn like a group of farmers just did a slash and burn on your precious danglers.

You just got to wait that shit out.

So I sit here typing this while my balls still tingle a bit... so kids, the lesson of the day is to not apply Icy Hot to your inner thighs unless you are into a little pain/pleasure.
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Replies (22)

  • Nughuffer

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Posted 18 June 2008 - 03:28 AM

Kind of like the time i was at some random summer camp and this dude in my cabin ran out of some random cream to jack it (he didnt tell us why he needed the cream but we all knew what was up), so i handed him some icy hot (it was pitch black).

After about 10-15 seconds he just fell out of bed and ran to the showers and tried to wash it off...

he woudlnt go in the pool for the next couple of days ^^

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  • videinfra
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Posted 18 June 2008 - 03:29 AM

Three words. Gold bond medicated powder.

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  • GimmieMore
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Posted 18 June 2008 - 03:31 AM

Wow.

Dude. That is hardcore.

+rep for surviving to tell the tale....

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  • GimmieMore
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Posted 18 June 2008 - 03:32 AM

A female friend told me of a time she and her boyfriend tried to use sunscreen as a lube....

She said that burned like a mother. He had the benefit of a condom.

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  • mikerelliftw
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Posted 18 June 2008 - 03:38 AM

Kind of like the time i was at some random summer camp and this dude in my cabin ran out of some random cream to jack it (he didnt tell us why he needed the cream but we all knew what was up), so i handed him some icy hot (it was pitch black).

After about 10-15 seconds he just fell out of bed and ran to the showers and tried to wash it off...

he woudlnt go in the pool for the next couple of days ^^


I did the same thing with a friend of mine and bengay... I dont think he ever forgave me lol

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  • somekind
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Posted 18 June 2008 - 03:44 AM

I thought this was supposed to be a fun story. A good way to tease your GF, though.

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  • bigred420
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Posted 18 June 2008 - 04:40 AM

I used to rub Icyhot on my balls when I had to run a shitload for football sometimes, it worked but made me puke, maby it was the running that made me puke but regardless I did it and puked afterword.

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  • Sirjoe2213
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Posted 18 June 2008 - 04:55 AM

Oh god i did that once, i was at a friends house, and she had some icy hot lying around, i thought it would feel interesting. So I went into the bathroom, applied all over my balls and dick, and it felt nice, kinda tingly, enjoyable, then the pain set in. I literally collapsed to the ground yelling and holding onto my balls. There was 10 minutes of intense pain because of the amount i put on, and 30 minutes of aftershock.

Moral of the story

Dont jack off with icy hot, no matter how tempting it looks.

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Posted 18 June 2008 - 05:12 AM

u think thats bad

u ever get a lil bit of pepperspray on your hands and think nothin of it cuz it was just a tiny little drop n didnt burn ur hand at all, then beatoff with vaseline about a half hour later after u've forgotten about it?

u can tell me about pain when u get pepperspray on ur dick haha

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Posted 18 June 2008 - 05:16 AM

Three words. Gold bond medicated powder.


4 words?

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  • LegitBaller
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Posted 18 June 2008 - 08:54 AM

^ were all stoners, let it slide
foop and neg, thats rough stuff. i feel for ya guys.
ive never had the displeasure of feeling either, and hope to keep it that way

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Posted 18 June 2008 - 08:56 AM

have u ever tried dave's insanity sauce? hottest hot sauce ever, it can remove grease stains off a driveway. anyways my friend dared me to try it and i dabbed just a drop or two on my hand and ate it but it was so hot i went to his bathroom to get some water. anyways, i went to piss afterwards and that's when all hell broke loose. i wanted to amputate my balls it hurt so bad

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Posted 18 June 2008 - 02:06 PM

Now I've never put Icy Hot on my balls, because that's just not a good idea.

But I've put it on my eye lids before. And let me tell you - that was an experience.


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  • jonahm
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Posted 18 June 2008 - 02:14 PM

man i can't use any like even scented lotion. axe body wash burns the fuck outta my balls, any smelly lotion, i have to straight get lubriderm. its amazing.

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  • theVirtuoso
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Posted 18 June 2008 - 03:06 PM

I did it when I was younger, I just applied it straight to my balls and at first its like "hmm, weird." then its "AHHHH MY BALLSSSSS!!!"

It was horrible.

But at least I can laugh at it haha :D

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Posted 18 June 2008 - 11:30 PM

hahahaha guys really?

some of you are nuts! rubbing icy hot on your dick.. on purpose! great.

secretly giving it to someone else for jack-off purposes- AMAZING :hello:

but let me just say thankk (insert higher power of choice) for



ALLLLLLLL NATURAL FEMALE LUBRICATION :wave:
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  • Cali Ounces
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Posted 18 June 2008 - 11:59 PM

in highschool i cut open and rubbed a habanero pepper on my testicles on a dare. . if you can imagine what thats like.




that shit made me a man,
i feel your pain.
:metal:

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Posted 19 June 2008 - 12:26 AM

Been there, done that, worst feeling...ever. Only I was putting it on for a soccer game.....needless to say I couldn't play the first half.

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Posted 19 June 2008 - 12:32 AM

You ever wonder what 1,000 scorpions stinging your ball sack at once would feel like? What a magnified ray of the sun bounced off your fleshy teabag would feel like?



haha, fleshy teabag.




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