The Dumbest/Funniest One-Liner you have ever heard someone say while HIGH

This can be from anyone who was high, including yourself.
It can be dumb or funny or both.

mine is when my friend was stoned out of his mind and his mom asks him why his eyes are so red and he replies:

"because i was playing the subs in my car too loud"

i couldnt stop laughing for seriously 5 mins.

Someone asked my friend "How do my eyes look?" and my friend responded with "they're round"

I know they're supposed to be one-liners, but I had to share these:

The other day when I was driving home from Tim Hortons with a bunch of doughnuts and my friend dropped his drink and, quoting Ryder from San Andreas, said, "My Soda! It's all over the fuckin' flo'!" I almost drove off the road from laughing too hard.

As for the dumbest thing:

Last night I was drinking at this bar (I was also good and baked from smoking a few joints with my dealer in the back alley waiting for some people to show up. When they did, we all went inside and started talking about various subjets at a rapid pace (we jumped from water bears to cannibalism to NASCAR in under ten minutes) until this one guy we didn't know too well yet started raving about cigarettes. He said, "They have to the the stupidest fuckin' thing ever. They kill billions of people every year and nobody does nothin'. That's right, not a damn thing. I tell ya, if I could, I would go fuck up them tobacco corport.....corpar......people.....and make 'em stop selling them to people, I would. And fast, damn it." At this point I reminded him that, at his request, we were in the smoking section of the bar so he could smoke a cigar. He said something very loud that we couldn't understand, the owner told him he needed to leave, and he then said something I will never forget: "this is all because of the fuckin' mountain Chechnyans!" (which is funny because it's actually "Chechen"). Then the owner hauled is dangerously drunk and stoned ass out the damn bar. The whole ordeal was pretty amusing.

One time my friend and I were really baked and we were getting ready to do some shrooms and my friend said something I won't likely forget, "I'm so excited I have to poop!" Which he did. At the time it was the funniest thing I had ever heard.

near peak on shrooms:

me (stuck in a minor thought loop): fuck everything
my friend: if we have to fuck everything, we have to fuck fuck...but what the fuck is fuck?

laughed for the next 3 hours (or so it felt that long)...just the concept of that sentence mixed with shrooms was perfect

I asked my friend where the rolling papers were and her reply " do you think think that the papers hurt when we smoke them"

I was watching a movies credits and William H Macy was one of the actors so I asked " Isn't he a serial killer, I thought he killed like 42 people or some shit?" My aunt just looked at me like I was retarded.

Well this is what my friend said when he one of his "freak outs" from smoking weed.

"Well, maybe were just in a galaxy of the Universe where mass CAN be created." Something along the lines of that. Me and my other friend just laughed our asses off for so long.

After a few days of my friend saying he's not eating fast food anymore, we smoke 2 blunts and go to mcdonalds. I pull up outside his house to drop him off and he goes, "I JUST ATE 5 DOUBLE CHEESERBURGERS!?"

Was smokin with my friend and after he hit the bong he goes "...dude! that fat was so hit!"

I just looked at him and we both started laughing

friend - "dude the black part of your eyes are red"

other friend - "is that bad?" (in a very serious voice)

"dude sum up weed in 3 words" - friend

"recreational random bliss" - me

*a short silence*
friend - dude...if i...wait what?!
me - what?!
friend - what??? (suprised look)
me - what the fuck are you talking about?
friend - what are YOU talking about?!?!
me - *1min pause* wait...WHAT?!

oh and almost forgot about this one:

friend1 - dude i just saw the biggest python...
friend2 - dude ur such a b-tard...
friend1 - what the fuck is a b-tard...
friend2 - because u saw a python and...yea...
friend1 - u b-tard...

Nice guys, +rep for sharing

gotta say my favorite so far is "do u think that the papers hurt when we smoke them?"

after a couple bong rips, we were throwin some darts with a group of friends

friend - "dude you know what would suck?"
me - "what would dude?"
friend - "being a dartboard"

"Can you light fire on fire?"

This was said and very shortly after a cactus went up in flames and a Park Ranger came and arrested some "people."

One night me and a few friends were hanging at this one guy's house, with a storage shed in his backyard.

Friend1: Dude, we should totally deck your shed out!
Friend2: What, with like disco balls?
Friend3: Yeah, sure. And hydroponics everywhere.

Probably the funniest thing I could remember high:
I was smoking with my friend, about 4 people. We were all high and eating at a fast food place. One of my friends (who has the weed) left to go to the bathroom, and my black friend Raheem said:
"Do you like that kid??" (the one who went to the bathroom)
we said we don't know lol, so he responded back with:
"cause i stole that *****'s weed!!"
We all lol'd for a good 15 minutes. Hilarious.

One of my friends was at a party and came home late.

As my friend walks through the door...

Mom: Why are your eyes so red?
Friend:....Because I rubbed apples on them (Dead serious and thinking hard about it)
Mom:.....

He went strait to his room realizing that what he said made no sense what so ever XD They had to have known he was fucked up haha.

Me, My brother, a close friend, and an annoying school kid. We all smoked and then departed ways and got on Xbox Live for a little Halo sesh.

My brother [to school kid] : Wow, ****, your nasty
School Kid : I like to play...
[ 5 Seconds later ]
Close Friend: with dick

it was probobly the funniest thing I had ever heard

I was watching a movies credits and William H Macy was one of the actors so I asked " Isn't he a serial killer, I thought he killed like 42 people or some shit?" My aunt just looked at me like I was retarded.

I believe you're thinking of John Wayne Gacy.