Funny stoned conversations with parents?

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by roshiee, Jan 24, 2008.

  1. fuckin awesome thread +rep.

    The funniest thing that happened to me was me and about 3 friends had just finished smoking 2 crippie blunts and went inside. Of course my parents came home 10 minutes later and like 3 hours earlier than they said. My mom walks in and put her hand up to her mouth and acts like she's smoking a join and laughed and nodded at me. So i went up and said "no what makes you think that?" She said "you all seem freaked out and you all look asian." I started laughing so hard.
    I talked to her later and she told me "I know you already got caught with (friends name), i don't care, i just thought it was funny." I go, "How'd you know that." she looks at me, laughs and goes, "You told me last week." I started laughing so hard i could barely stand. She had to know i was high at the time i told her and at the moment. It was great.

    That's when I learned my parents are awesome.
     
  2. okay I got two stories, one I came home completely baked from hotboxing in my friends bathroom and my mom is so chill shes like hey I just made this pecan pie, want a piece? and I was in heaven!

    second story I came home really fucked up at two in the morning shes like I can smell alcohal all over you, and that is when I discovered that no matter what if I agreed to everything she said and admitted wrong she would be happy, and so it turned out she didnt care cus im like hey mom im in college, its what we do!
     


  3. First, these made me laugh harder than anything. LOL


    And well, my story is a bit different. One night my parents went out (when I was still living with them) and since it was cold I light the fireplace. It was a scented log, my mother likes those. I also took a monster shit in the downstairs bathroom. It was horrid, so I sprayed some air freshener. I admit (not to them, but to you) that I stepped outside and had a cigarette while they were gone. When I came in from that I took a shower to clean off the smell.

    When my parents came home my father said goodnight like always, and went upstairs. My mom however walked around downstairs into the room where the fireplace is.

    Mom: It smells like marijuana in here.

    Me: (flabbergasted) What?!!??

    Mom: You have been smoking marijuana in my house!

    Me: What?? No I haven't! The only thing I lit in here was the fireplace!

    Mom: (Angry) Don't argue with me! Just don't smoke any marijuana in or around my house!!

    Then she ran upstairs......

    Now, this last bit I just realized. She has known (I'm sure) that I went places to go get high while I was still living with her. But she never said anything about it. I'm sure she knows that I smoke now, in my own place. She never says anything. It seems the only problem is smoking it in her house, which is something I've never done anyway (whether she believes it or not). I do admit (again, not to her, but to you) that on two separate occasions when my parents went out of town I smoked on the porch.

    I forgot where I was going with this.... I'm high... lol
     
  4. this story is kind of long but its pretty nuts... check it out...

    background story: a while back, my mom asked me why i insisted on carrying eyedrops (rhotov) and i told her it was for my eyes cuz i sleep with my eyes partially open so i always wake up with red, dried out eyes...

    one night i blazed wit my friend i was soo stoned, i didnt have my eyedrops on me but i thought it would be okay to go home since it was really late and i assumed that my mom was already sleeping.

    *enters house quietly*
    mom: hey john. is that you? (she yells from her room)
    me: hi ma. be right there! i have to go bathroom soo bad.
    (i hide in bathroom for 5 minutes thinking about what i'm going to do. i decide to go out before she starts to expect something)
    *runs into moms room*
    me: ma. my eyes hurt soo bad, they're burning! i tried using my eyedrops because my eyes felt dry. i think they're expired and my eyes are so irritated!
    mom: *panicking* hurry and go flush out ur eyes! you shouldve threw those away since they're old.
    *i run into bathroom again and lightly splash water into my eyes from the sink. suddenly, mom rushes into bathroom too*
    mom: is it okay?
    me: it still kind of hurts. i think those eyedrops were really expired.
    *we stand there over the sink, splashing my eyes and face with water for 15 minutes*

    after some small chat, she's convinced that i'm safe and now my eyes really didnt feel that great. kind of weird, awkward convo with my mom but was overall worth it. they still dont suspect a single thing about me smoking =)
     
  5. i was drunk from like 5 shots of whiskey and 3 bottles of beer and i was talking to my mom and i think this is how it went...

    mom: hey make sure you guys are quiet ok?
    me: what?
    mom: make sure you guys are quiet
    *silence*
    me: .... wait... what?!
    mom: MAKE SURE YOUR QUIET
    me: oh.... ok

    then i was baked and i was talking to my dad... right after i threw up...

    me: did i just throw up?
    dad: yeah
    me: seriously?
    dad: yeah
    me: no way cause i didn't see anything on my hands
    dad: thats because you wiped it up
    me: no i didnt....
    dad: yeah you did and then you washed your hands
    me: DUDE! i mean DAD! i dont remember that at all!
    dad: are you blazed?
    me: ummm i cant tell... do you think i am?
    dad: yeah

    haha he was totally cool about it
     
  6. mom: where did these rolling papers, and lighter come from?
    me: errrr, my friend was over here, he rolls his own cigarettes
    mom: well here you can give em back to him
    me:sweet:D
     
  7. OMG I'm like crying over there LOL. I just burnt a big one then came on here to find this thread. My cheeks hurt rofl
     
  8. mom - "why are your eyes red agian???"

    me - "slept with my contacts in..."

    ive had this convo about 1,500 times ha
     
  9. I remember back in high school when my mom first found out I was selling weed amongst other things, and I came home high as hell only to be confronted by my mom asking what I needed the digital scale for that she found in my room. I remember trying to explain to her that the digital scale she found is actually a graphing calculator. She wasn't believing a word of the bullshit coming out of my mouth, and that would be the first of many scales she would confiscate from me throughout my time living with her.

    Still I miss not having home cooked meals instead of the frozen food garbage I eat everyday. Gotta love your mama. :hello:
     
  10. amazing thread! keep it going!
     
  11. Haha, whenever I would come home from my homie's house after smokin blunts all day she'd just laugh and say "You need to get your cannabis card so I don't have to worry about you going to jail again." I'd say "Well shit, you gonn pay for it, I'm broke" and she said "No, quit smoking for a week and buy your own damn card you lazy stoner" lol

    She doesn't care that I smoke really, she just worries too much.
     
  12. A graphing calculator?! Hahahaha :smoking:
     
  13. I had just gone outside to smoke a joint at about 11 at night. My mom had been sleeping for a couple hours but I guess I woke her up by opening/closing the door when I came back in. I was with a friend at the time.

    Mom: Why'd you guys go outside?
    Me: Austin had to show me his new guitar.
    Mom: Why do you smell weird?
    Me: Why do YOU smell weird?
    Austin: Yeah, you kind of smell weird (to my mom).
    Mom: Let me smell your breath.
    Me: Let me smell YOUR breath.
    (we both had popped several pieces of gum so our breaths smelled fresh, so I let her smell my breath)
    Me: Now let me smell your breath.
    (she then proceeded to let me smell it, it smells normal obviously)
    Me: Have you been drinking alcohol tonight? On a work night? Go to your room.
    Mom: UGH (she stomps off)
     
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  14. AHAHAHA, brilliant. tottaly something i would go through with my mom. but she usually stops off at the first sign of difficulty. she knows she can never break me.
     
  15. So i was watching tv and smoking in the basement when my mom comes home:

    Mom:Why's the window open?
    Me:Cause it's nice out
    Mom:Don't smoke pot in the basement
    Me:What? I wasnt
    Mom:I can smell it
    Me:Ok yeah

    After walking downstairs when i had been ripping bong bowls with my parents home:

    Mom:Don't smoke pot in your room
    Me:What? I wasn't
    Mom:...your dad was a hippie, he knows what it smells like
    Me:Ok yeah
     
  16. my personal favourite stories in this thread (totally made me crack):
    now for my story, one time a while ago, my dad came to pick me up cuz it was late at night and i needed a lift, and i forgot that i had a j not too long ago, and so the whole time that i was waiting for my dad i was tryna think of a good way to not get caught (i didnt have spray, which usually i hav it on my 24/7) so i refused to sit in the front with him and instead said that the back is much more roomy and that's why i sat in the back. til this day i still don't know if he beleives me or not.. oh well time to pack up a next bowl:smoke:
     
  17. Dude that was a pretty clever move on your part, I would have never thought to say that.
     
  18. I was just reading this thread thinking I had nothing to offer, but I remembered 3 that are awesome.. well I think anyway. Actually two of them are drunk stories"
    First off I'd like to say I lived with my mother and aunt at the time.

    So I had slept at a friends house the night before, drank 9 beer and smoked about a gram of some fairly dank bud. Annihilated. So anyhow I get home the next day and I get a shower and brush my teeth and shit, and I'm helping my aunt and mother take the air conditioner out of the window, and my aunt goes "were you out drinking last night?" "uh... yeah" (in like a mega hungover voice) "you hungover?!" ans she started smacking my head hahaha. That was the first time she found out I was drinking, which obviously I didn't give a fuck because my mom was the one buying me booze.

    A couple months after the first time I got a ride home after a party and the girl who was driving me goes "oh snap whos that in your driveway?" my aunt was walking one of the dogs. I was like "meh who cares" really drunk, and I stumble up the driveway and my aunt goes "where were you?" and I reply "drunk" and just stumble into the house haha. No problem there

    the third one is long as fuck so I'll try and keep it as short as possible.

    In Newfoundland this Christmas break visiting family, broke into a house my friend used to live in and hotboxed a closet with two friends. We eached smoked percy Js.
    So myself and one of my friends head to this pizza place and take our time walking home.. its mega windy which was good because we fucking stank.
    We go to my friends place and when we walk in its like mega crunch time. His parents go "where were ye?" my friend fields that one "we were just at Mel's chillin" "oh what were you guys doing?" "uhh just chillin" so they're looking at us weird, and its obvious we're fucked. Eyes red as fuck. We start walking and they go "where are you going?" he goes "to my room to listen to music" "not too loud" (he has a little sister who was sleeping.
    So we're up there and think we're in the clear when theres a knock at the door. Both rents walk in. His dad goes "jeeze by's theres some smell of smoke in here. Who was smoking?" my friend goes "uhh James was" and he goes "you weren't smokin were ye?" and he goes "oh yes dad we love the ciggys" "oh not the ciggys" and pretends to be smokin a joint and goes "far out" in a typical stoner voice.
    He leaves and we just looked at each other like what in the fuck. Absolutely geeked about his dad's impression and just chilled.
     

  19. best part of all your stories haha thats awesome
     
  20. This happend about two years ago. After a few huge bong rips and a blunt my mom came to pick me up at my boys house. Heres how the conversation went:
    Mom: Hey, How was school?
    me: hi, Oh it was fun.
    mom: O'rly? dident you have a test?
    me: for what?
    mom: math
    me: Oh ya, i did. btw, its kinda hot in here, turn on the fan.
    mom: you mean AC?
    me: Ya, W/e
    mom: Why are your eyes so red?
    me: I fell off my skateboard and cryed.
    mom: Oh, Well are you okay?
    me. Ya,dident hurt that bad.
    mom: WELL WHY DID YOU CRY?
    me: BECAUSE IT HURT!
    mom: YOU JUST SAID IT DIDENT HURT?
    MOM: ARE YOU STONED?
    ME: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? OF COARSE NOT.
    THE END.
     
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