Hey. I've an issue and am looking for a good discussion and perhaps a change in perspective. Here's what's up: basically, I know my girlfriend is cheating. I went onto her computer after having reason to be suspicious and found texts from over a year which have context that describe her relation with this other guy. The problem is, he's been around, texting her for longer than I've been going out with her. Some of the texts, time-stamped, bordered into the dates in which we were together and were very explicit and sexual. I confronted her and she said he was an old friend and it was an inside joke between them two since he is gay. I have trouble believing that. She said she confronted him about it as to whether he was getting off on it. Apparently he responded in a defensive matter and she claims to have cut off ties with this old, "gay" friend in order to please me. My mind is still at unease. Should I forgive her? Does any girl here reading send sexual texts to their gay friends as an inside joke? Can anyone relate to this? I don't see how a gay man would want to talk sexually with another woman, even as a joke. Perhaps I'm being over-protective. It makes me uncomfortable to think that she sends him the same private photos as she sends me as an "inside joke". Pretty demeaning. Thoughts are appreciated.
What does "very explicit and sexual" mean? Can you give an example? Over what period of time were they communicating and when did she cut him off? Why were you suspicious of her in the first place?
The way you are treating her (spying on her, making accusations without proof, not listening to her side of the story, lack of trust) raises red flags and would be a "dealbreaker" for me if I were in her shoes. Buh-bye!
This is why you don't look at this shit, I know from experience lol! Just fucks with you more, there's always going to be something there to find..whether or not is relevant is like trying to decipher hieroglyphics.
I agree, the second you have cause to actually go looking, that is when the real problem began. This will never end for you, you should probably move on. Besides, i have never heard of that before.
I saw a meme that said "Girls do all this investigation just to cry and stay" I also saw a snap story of some Duse catching his girl friend cheating on him Lol I'm laughing because he took a picture of his ugly ass crying face before he caught her. Wait how was I supposed to help again?
Well, keep things as they are, swallow your pride and let her have her gay freind. get yourself a nice little chick on the side so you can have someone to text explicitly to and everyone will be happy. Fuck your bitch and get what you can out of her. Or let her relationship fizzle with the guy and THEN get serious with her when she's serous with you Or if your not that kind of guy, go out and get your self a high school girl that hasn't been tinted and start over fresh Only give people what they are giving you in return.
Is OP more wrong for going through her phone then she is cheating on him? There shouldn't be anything to find if they are supposed to have a committed relationship.
There is zero proof she actually cheated on him. Zero. And when confronted, she denied it. If he doesn't trust her and believe her when she straight-up answers a direct question, then why date her? Lack of trust and slinging accusations with no evidence? Dealbreaker for me.
Said it all right here. No matter what it is, if you can't trust eachother 150% with anything/everything then you shouldn't be together. They're definitely fuckin though, sorry bro.
How many gay friends do you have? I have lots of super-raunchy John-Waters-type sexual conversations with mine all the time. Doesn't mean I'm fucking them.
I'll agree to disagree. I think shes doing the "gay friend" I do think trust is important because you shouldn't be with someone you can't trust, but in this case he can't trust her. I think this thread struck a nerve because I can see it both ways. I have been snooped on and spied on for years with no reason, but I can see checking out an intuition or feeling as well. I checked out a hunch I had and I was right. Broken heart all the way.
If the conversations they had were happening while you were dating her and they were indeed sexual and explicit then your right shes either cheated or is currently cheating on you. Her defense of it being joking with a gay friend only holds water if the conversations included indicators of joking. Trust your gut man, you saw what they said, were they getting off? How did the conversations end? Should be VERY obvious.
I guess I would have to see the texts. Sexually explicit to one person may mean something completely different to another person.