Should we criminally punish people who accidentally leave their kid in their car?

Just something I've been curious about that I know draws a lot of controversy. People are quick to say "how could you forget about your kid?!" like it must require some level of negligence to forget something like that. But the truth is, you can forget about your kid as easily as you can forget about anything else. Our brains don't have priority levels for forgetfulness. If you've ever forgotten your phone and not realized it until you go to reach for it, you could absolutely forget about your kid and not realize it until it's too late.


There was a great /r/nosleep story about it, I'll post it here. Read this and tell me what you think, should we still file criminal charges against people who made the worst mistake of their lives?


Warning: Not a happy read


<blockquote class='ipsBlockquote' >Have you ever forgotten your phone?
<p style="margin-top: 0.357142857142857em; margin-bottom: 0.357142857142857em; line-height: 1.42857142857143em; color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">When did you realise you'd forgotten it? I'm guessing you didn't just smack your forehead and exclaim ‘damn' apropos of nothing. The realisation probably didn't dawn on you spontaneously. More likely, you reached for your phone, pawing open your pocket or handbag, and were momentarily confused by it not being there. Then you did a mental restep of the morning's events.
Shit.
In my case, my phone's alarm woke me up as normal but I realised the battery was lower than I expected. It was a new phone and it had this annoying habit of leaving applications running that drain the battery overnight. So, I put it on to charge while I showered instead of into my bag like normal. It was a momentary slip from the routine but that was all it took. Once in the shower, my brain got back into ‘the routine' it follows every morning and that was it.
Forgotten.
This wasn't just me being clumsy, as I later researched, this is a recognised brain function. Your brain doesn't just work on one level, it works on many. Like, when you're walking somewhere, you think about your destination and avoiding hazards, but you don't need to think about keeping your legs moving properly. If you did, the entire world would turn into one massive hilarious QWOP cosplay. I wasn't thinking about regulating my breathing, I was thinking whether I should grab a coffee on the drive to work (I did). I wasn't thinking about moving my breakfast through my intestines, I was wondering whether I'd finish on time to pick up my daughter Emily from nursery after work or get stuck with another late fee. This is the thing; there's a level of your brain that just deals with routine, so that the rest of the brain can think about other things.
Think about it. Think about your last commute. What do you actually remember? Little, if anything, probably. Most common journeys blur into one, and recalling any one in particular is scientifically proven to be difficult. Do something often enough and it becomes routine. Keep doing it and it stops being processed by the thinking bit of the brain and gets relegated to a part of the brain dedicated to dealing with routine. Your brain keeps doing it, without you thinking about it. Soon, you think about your route to work as much as you do keeping your legs moving when you walk. As in, not at all.
Most people call it autopilot. But there's danger there. If you have a break in your routine, your ability to remember and account for the break is only as good as your ability to stop your brain going into routine mode. My ability to remember my phone being on the counter is only as reliable as my ability to stop my brain entering ‘morning routine mode' which would dictate that my phone is actually in my bag. But I didn't stop my brain entering routine mode. I got in the shower as normal. Routine started. Exception forgotten.
Autopilot engaged.
My brain was back in the routine. I showered, I shaved, the radio forecast amazing weather, I gave Emily her breakfast and loaded her into the car (she was so adorable that morning, she complained about the ‘bad sun' in the morning blinding her, saying it stopped her having a little sleep on the way to nursery) and left. That was the routine. It didn't matter that my phone was on the counter, charging silently. My brain was in the routine and in the routine my phone was in my bag. This is why I forgot my phone. Not clumsiness. Not negligence. Nothing more my brain entering routine mode and over-writing the exception.
Autopilot engaged.
I left for work. It's a swelteringly hot day already. The bad sun had been burning since before my traitorously absent phone woke me. The steering wheel was burning hot to the touch when I sat down. I think I heard Emily shift over behind my driver's seat to get out of the glare. But I got to work. Submitted the report. Attended the morning meeting. It's not until I took a quick coffee break and reached for my phone that the illusion shattered. I did a mental restep. I remembered the dying battery. I remembered putting it on to charge. I remembered leaving it there.
My phone was on the counter.
Autopilot disengaged.
Again, therein lies the danger. Until you have that moment, the moment you reach for your phone and shatter the illusion, that part of the brain is still in routine mode. It has no reason to question the facts of the routine; that's why it's a routine. Attrition of repetition. It's not as if anyone could say ‘why didn't you remember your phone? Didn't it occur to you? How could you forget? You must be negligent'; this is to miss the point. My brain was telling me the routine was completed as normal, despite the fact that it wasn't. It wasn't that I forgot my phone. According to my brain, according to the routine, my phone was in my bag. Why would I think to question it? Why would I check? Why would I suddenly remember, out of nowhere, that my phone was on the counter? My brain was wired into the routine and the routine was that my phone was in my bag.
The day continued to bake. The morning haze gave way to the relentless fever heat of the afternoon. Tarmac bubbled. The direct beams of heat threatened to crack the pavement. People swapped coffees for iced smoothies. Jackets discarded, sleeves rolled up, ties loosened, brows mopped. The parks slowly filled with sunbathers and BBQ's. Window frames threatened to warp. The thermometer continued to swell. Thank fuck the offices were air conditioned.
But, as ever, the furnace of the day gave way to a cooler evening. Another day, another dollar. Still cursing myself for forgetting my phone, I drove home. The days heat had baked the inside of the car, releasing a horrible smell from somewhere. When I arrived on the driveway, the stones crunching comfortingly under my tyres, my wife greeted me at the door.
“Where's Emily?”
Fuck.
As if the phone wasn't bad enough. After everything I'd left Emily at the fucking nursery after all. I immediately sped back to the nursery. I got to the door and started practising my excuses, wondering vainly if I could charm my way out of a late fee. I saw a piece of paper stuck to the door.
“Due to vandalism overnight, please use side door. Today only.”
Overnight? What? The door was fine this morni-.
I froze. My knees shook.
Vandals. A change in the routine.
My phone was on the counter.
I hadn't been here this morning.
My phone was on the counter.
I'd driven past because I was drinking my coffee. I'd not dropped off Emily.
My phone was on the counter.
She'd moved her seat. I hadn't seen her in the mirror.
My phone was on the counter.
She'd fallen asleep out of the bad sun. She didn't speak when I drove past her nursery.
My phone was on the counter.
She'd changed the routine.
My phone was on the counter.
She'd changed the routine and I'd forgotten to drop her off.
My phone was on the counter.
9 hours. That car. That baking sun. No air. No water. No power. No help. That heat. A steering wheel too hot to touch.
That smell.
I walked to the car door. Numb. Shock.
I opened the door.
My phone was on the counter and my daughter was dead.
Autopilot disengaged.
</blockquote>
</p>

 

Hmm.. maybe I should put a really big bummer warning


Ah new GC still a pain in the ass, fucked up the formatting as soon as I tried to edit the post which is what I was afraid of. Oh well, fixed it with a warning that it's not a happy story. All good.

 

Here's another interesting read

Abso-fucking-lutely they should be charged to the fullest extent the law allows.


I have ADD, I would forget my ass if it wasn't attached to me. I forgot my phone in the car at least once a week. But I would never forget another human being in the car. Ever. That's so fucked up. I don't want to hear anyone's excuses about brain prioritization and neither will the prosecution.

 

Yeah, that's the bitch of it isn't it. I can't even think of any kind of solution to that.

 

At the same time though I think there is a difference between someone who says "I'm just going to leave my kid here for a few minutes while I shop!" and someone who honestly, genuinely, had a lapse in their memory. A change in routine where they forgot their kid was even in their car.


A lapse in memory is a lot more understandable to me than someone willfully leaving their kid in the car because some stupid ass parents wanted to run a "quick" errand.

 

It doesn't matter. Someone can kidnap the kids. The car could be taken out of gear and roll down a hill.


Obviously a lot of discretion should be used. The punishment should fit the crime. It's obviously a nuanced issue.


I think it's a pretty negligent thing to do. I would never do it no matter how quick the errand. A kid is not a toy.

 

That's the difference though, I'm sure a lot of the parents who have genuinely accidentally done it have thought "I would never do that with my kid".
Until your routine changes and your brain goes into autopilot and you just... forget. Maybe you drive the same route to work every single day for years, you have the exact same routine every single day for years, you've done it all hundreds of times. But then just once in all those years your wife asks you to drop your kid off at daycare so you put the kid in the back seat, you get in your car and start making the long drive to work and your brain just goes into autopilot like it does every. single. time. and you just... you just forget, because all the hundreds of times you've done this same exact routine, this time was different but your brain still went into autopilot like it does every single time without accounting for that very important difference.


That's the tragedy to me. That is what I can completely understand.


Parents who stop at Walmart like "I'm just gonna run inside for some Cheetos!" while their kids bake, yeah, no sympathy for those fucks.

 

My problem isn't really with differences. I agree there's a difference. but that doesn't alter the risk to the children or level of [criminal] negligence. "I was just on autopilot" is probably not going to fly in a court.


I should clarify what i meant before. If there *is* harm done to the children, then the adult should be punished to the fullest extent of the law. If I noticed kids left alone in the car I would wait around for a few minutes and then probably call the police. The police in this town are so freaking quick to respond. If nothing happens to the kids and no one notices then more power to them.


It's contentious issue with lots of factors. But in general I've got no love for parents who do that, especially in hot climates.


The walmart by me has signs at the door entrances reminding people to remember their kids in the car... it's kind of stupid to me that there needs to be signs for that.

 

I don't know man, I think if you've spent, you know, a decade or so without having a kid in the backseat of your car, it's not super crazy that you would forget. Despite how important it is, sometimes our brains just don't work that way.


That's why we hear recommendations like "if you have your kid in your car, put a teddy bear in the front seat to remind you that your kid is there" because even wonderful, loving parents aren't immune to forgetfulness. Especially when a routine is disrupted.

 

I agree, it's not super crazy that someone would forget. It's not uncommon and it doesn't surprise me when it does happen. My point being is, it doesn't mean it's not a seriously negligent thing to do one way or the other. Some simple mistakes can have incongruent consequences.


I've spent 14 years without having a kid in the backseat of my car and I wouldn't forget one being there. That's just how my brain works, I can't speak for anyone else's

 

at like 7-12 i used to ask to be left in the car while my mom goes shopping so i can play gameboy and not follow her around everywhere, i enjoyed that shit.

but in this case where they forget their kid was sleeping in the car for 9hours and she turns up dead ...well fuck.. thats a pretty huuge thing to forget. its not like the kid got in there silently, she said something about how the sun wasnt letting her sleep and the author says something about hearing her shift and lay down in the back. he was completely aware of her presence in the car up until when? how far was the drive? im not sure if this story is real or not but its not like the kid snuck in and made no noise. then again ive been sitting in the passenger seat of someones car having a conversation while theyre doing me a favor thats outside of the normal routine and they completely miss a turn or start heading in the direction of their house until i snap them out of auto-pilot and remind them where we're going..

its hard to say how they should be punished or whether they should at all..it depends on the circumstance i suppose..

i think there should be legal action against the pops in this particular story, no matter how much of a slip of the mind it was its way to big a slip to go unpunished imo. what he should be charged with im not sure, not super well read on this kind of stuff. involuntary manslaughter maybe? the only scenario i can think of where it might possibly be ok (in my opinion) to go unpunished is if the kids playing hide-and-go-seek in your trunk or something and you had absolutely no idea he was there until you opened the trunk to put your groceries away.

 

already exists. in fact i knew the dude who invented an alarm that goes off if you leave your kid or pet in the car. sadly this type of thing happens all the time here in FL.


I definitely think they should be charged with manslaughter & reckless endangerment at the very least.