How marijuana is helping me emotionally (long).

Something that has occurred to me recently is that among those who may benefit the MOST from marijuana emotionally are those who have been emotionally abused and or neglected.


Now I posted in another forum that my upbringing was downright idyllic compared to many people. My parents loved and smothered and spoiled me well into adulthood and continue to do so. They are wonderfully supportive people in many many ways. I was never verbally, physically or sexually abused by them in ANY way, there was never any violence in our household. On the surface it was a very loving upbringing. But dig a little deeper as I have been doing this past while and there was a definite lack of something. I believe what it was was a lack of knowing how to truly show the love they felt for me in an unconditional way that made me feel totally at ease and supported. They never just hugged me and told me I was loved and that everything was going to be ok. Instead there was always a lot of anxiety surrounding my own anxieties and issues. A feeling that something was always wrong. I lived with this constant sea of tension about my problems that I marinated in growing up. A lot of the time all I wanted was a hug and to be told I was OK, I was loved, I was loveable. I didn't get that even though they obviously very much loved me, did things with me, gave me stuff, and much more.


When combined with the bullying I received at school, my hyper shyness and ostracization, it all did a fair bit of damage. I'm coming to realise more damage than I knew. I think I've lived withdrawn and disconnected from my emotional self without even knowing it all these years. In this sense I share at least a smidgen in common with those who have been abused and neglected.


And in this sense I feel weed is really helping me connect with myself. It sounds clichéd to say but weed definitely gives you a feeling of being connected with the world and yourself, it opens you up emotionally, it quells the inner demons and shuts off that infernal negative tape recorder.

I feel I've now grown as an individual these past 2 months that I have been experimenting with it and I think some of that, though definitely not all, is directly attributable to weed! I've been able to break out of my shell and connect with my emotional self easier than I have been able to in the past. My confidence has grown as a result as well. I find myself talking to strangers and others in a much more confident and free flowing manner than I ever used to and not sweating the small stuff nearly as much. There are still huge obstacles in my life I need to overcome that weed isn't going to cure, I have no illusions that I need to put in some hard work. But I feel this is a key area it has helped me in. I wonder if it's the case that weed is particularly good at helping those who have disconnected with themselves emotionally due to past neglect and trauma?

 

Thanks Galaxy! I think I know what you mean and I believe I'm getting there as well. Definitely being able to open up and come out of my shell easier is connected with this ability to let go of and not be ashamed of, just feel your emotions! Still working on it but making progress.


I actually find the greatest benefit are on days I don't smoke. I smoke 2 days a week and kind of get into a 2 day weed coma which might not be the healthiest way lol. However I'm adamant about remaining sober the next 5 days and even run and exercise a lot on those days instead of smoking to feel good. I'm adamant about not using weed as a crutch but as a tool to explore life. I'm using it more recreationally than medically in this way but the amazingly beneficial side benefits of mellowing me out and slowly changing my personality type on the days I don't smoke are how I'm using it as a form of medication. I don't actually feel it's necessarily a good drug to treat anxiety and other issues head on. More as a way to change your personality and how you view the world and in this way allow you to tackle problems yourself directly when not high.