One year ago, I met this guy that I thought was really cute and seemed like a cool person, chatted for a minute, exchanged numbers, whatever. I went drunk frolfing with him and his friends about a week later and first learned that he hated when girls or anyone for that matter smoked cigarettes. Understandable. I hate that I'm a smoker and don't want to smoke forever, but I do smoke cigarettes. Then he started going on and on about how much he hates stoners. I'm like okay strike 2. He thinks weed is literally the most terrible thing in the entire world and that's putting it lightly. But somehow we ended up dating. All the while, he wants me to quit weed and cigarettes "because he loves and cares about me". He says he cares about my health and that weed is bad for my brain, but myself and everyone in my life saw it as him wanting to control me, to mold me into this "flawless" girl. He says he'll never marry a girl who smokes anything. I cut back while we were together (5 mo), but never really quit either. I ended up lying about smoking, he went thru my phone and found out and he basically said I'd have to quit weed or be with him and this eventually led to us breaking up. I do want to be a radiologist and am in school and will be applying within the next semester for the program in which I will have to pass a drug test for. But weed has honestly helped me thru (I guess you could call it a crutch but idk) the worst part of my eating disorder and still helps me. So it's scary for me to think about giving it up for good, but I c ant promise that I'll never take a hit ever again and that's what he expects of me. We were broken up for like 3 or 4 months and ended up getting back together. We've been together again now for 2. My mom tells me that I'm not using my common sense anymore. And part of me does agree with her. But for whatever reason part of me does still want to be with him. I just don't know what's right and what's wrong. I have very strong beliefs about the benefits of weed, and he is the very opposite. I just find it hypocritical of him to enjoy getting wasted at bars in the city like that's ok but I can't smoke a bowl and do whatever I was gonna do. Part of me thinks I'd be ok without him, better off maybe. But part of me doesn't want to lose him over something I might end up quitting anyways. I'm just sick to my stomach about it and everyone in my life is sick of hearing about it. Am I wasting my time? Or am I really just a drug addict swapping one addiction for another? I can't see clearly anymore.
Getting drunk during the day while bashing smokers, this guy doesn't sound hypocritical at all If he cared about you, he wouldn't try so hard to change you without changing himself. Dude went through your phone too? Thats a red-flag that you're gonna have to be dealing with mass amounts of trust issues. Also, if marijuana helps you eat, you know sustain life, how much does that tell you about how he REALLY feels about you?
Another Ditto. Get to the medical sections and especially look at Granny Storm Crows list. She is 67 and has a lot more knowledge on the benefits of marijuana, hopefully more than enough to overwhelm your 19 or 20 year old hard headed friend. Depending on how he got permission to go through your phone, major red flag. Keep in mind that lies are not very healthy for a relationship either.
Thank you for your responses. The phone thing i was livid about. His mom even bitched at him about doing that. He'll still go thru it when I'm in the bathroom to this day and I get really fucking mad. He's like you can go thru my phone I'm like no you're missing the point it's a total invasion of privacy. He's convinced I'm cheating on him and I never ever have. Also I'll add that I'm 23 he's 28.
listen to your heart but also be smart. This is all I can tell you because only you know all the details. I know you can figure it out.
Sounds like life. You like what you get out of having a relationship, you enjoy this person and the effect they have in and on your life, but not everything is so smooth. There's expectations that people have of each other and we should be honest about them to each other, but if somebody has expectations you don't agree with then it can't work. Either they have to change their expectations of you, or it won't work. I think you'll just have to learn and grow with whatever this life is. Nobody knows what's best for you, and I guess you're on the journey to find out. Just remember to have some compassion for yourself and try to keep things clear and honest.
Well at least one of you acts your age. Sounds like he's more concerned about having eye-candy on his arm than having a woman in his heart. Don't become a trophy wife. Now onto more pressing matters : whats your favorite disc golf disc? I enjoy the Pro-D Boss or my Nuke SS
Personally, I wouldn't allow him back in my life. Jealousy should have been out of his system by now. If he can not understand how you feel violated and continues to go through your phone, the controlling will only worsen.
This will never work out unless one of you changes and actually means that change. That just doesn't happen so no. Move on.
It wont work out. He will always see you as someone with a drug problem that you couldn't get over and was more important ththan your relationship -yuri
theres nothing wrong with smoking bud, so no I don't think you're a druggie. Maybe, if you quit the cigs and only smoke the weed you could show him accurate studies about it. Does he think cigs and pot are identical in terms of health? sounds like too much work, I'd say move on theres plenty of stoners in the sea(sky) Sent from my intergalactic spaceship hotbox
Im all about individuality/freedom. I would personally move on but you seem hesitant, so if you are wanting to see if itll work anyway, sit him down and tell him he knew you smoked before and make it clear you make no commitment to stop. Also, tell him you value your privacy and if he cannot respect that then he doesnt respect you. There are plenty of unfortunate girls who will put up with it but you wont. As a parting gift, print off Storm Crows 2,000 page list of health benefits of Cannabis ;-) Best wishes!
I once had an entire relationship with a complete anti-drug reefer madness bitch and she never found out the entire three months, even though my apartment reeked of bongs all the time haha. Though I can say with certainty that it wouldn't have worked out if she found out, so no, it probably won't work for you : /
My wife is anti crime. She doesn't like the risk. But she accepts that I smoke. She has no problem with the drug itself. Only that its illegal and she doesn't want me in trouble. Fortunately I live in a state where its decriminalized. -yuri
So I took the honesty advice and told him that I can't promise him that I won't ever smoke ever ever again til the day I die and he said that that means he won't be able to ever marry me. So I take that basically as he's going to keep me around until someone he can marry comes along. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?
you absolutely positively need to find someone with like interests. cigarettes and ganja are definitely those kinds of things. unfortunately you two will never make it in the long run. nothing personal, it simply is what it is. my ex wife didn't smoke, or party or even like ganja. hassled me about it about 3 years into our relationship. i never should have given in and simply moved on with my life. its what you should do. remain happy and find someone who has like interests. your happiness depends on it. i shit you not!