PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE READ EVERYTHING. IF IT'S WAY TOO LONG THEN SCROLL DOWN TO THE DILEMMA PART AND MAYBE YOU'LL STILL BE ABLE TO HELP ME. Long story short. I have a few conditions I am not telling people about for many reasons but smoking weed definitely helps me. My psychiatrist challenged me and said I have to stop smoking or otherwise she won't be able to treat me because weed changes the core of your personality. Not forever but as long as you're on it. She's smart and I know for a fact she is right. I am much more stable since I haven't smoked in 8 months but it's killing me because I miss it SO FUCKING MUCH. I decided that after my 1 year sobriety I will return to it BUT only if I grow it myself. This is due to the fact I started feeling stupid as fuck after smoking for a couple of years (first barely and then maybe a gram every week or two, so every day or every 2 days i would smoke a bit) for some it's nothing but for someone like me who never does drugs and pretty much paranoid about anything that's illegal, it's a lot. I used to forget if I placed my own water bottle infront of me, seconds after I did it. I would have no recollection of doing it. I am still feeling a bit messed up and I don't know if I am just a hypochondriac and making myself believe it or I smoked bad weed which damaged my brain. I smoked the same stuff my 2 best friends smoked even longer than me and they seem totally fine but I know that weed affects each individual differently and to this day no one knows what are the real effects of it and if it's really bad for you or not. Though I definitely noticed my IQ decreasing. Forgetting words and ideas and just being in limbo sometimes. Point is, my life in fact were better when I smoked, IN MODERATION... I want to grow it myself if I am ever gonna go back to smoking and I guess the only real danger is well... Getting CAUGHT and growing moldy weed and smoking it to death. THE DILEMMA: I have a VERY close friend who is a police officer and as much as he will try to understand me, I know this may destroy our friendship. I don't expect a plant NOT to smell, it's stupid to even think so. I just need tips on how to disguise the grow up operation, which part of the house is the best for it and how to make it 100% odorless but not make people outside or inside suspect you're hiding something cause your room looks like a factory. If I grow 1-3 plants (which will probably be fully ready for harvest in just under 3 months) and then clean everything, will the smell go away? I can just avoid him coming over until it is finished. I hear some strains take just 7-9 weeks to grow when others can take up to a year. Please help me find the best 2-3 strains to grow. I want to have a variety of strains that are great for daytime smoking and night-time smoking. Indica/Sativa both welcomed. I want at least one strain to be a very low potency and "healthiest" to smoke. Maybe I just smoked very potent weed which fucked me up so I want to grow at least 1 strain which will not be very potent.
I think you shoul listen to your psychiatrist. I had a friend who said almost word for word what your post says. He went off his meds after he smoked for a few months, convinced his wife to quit her job, sold his car and gave away all of his possessions and moved to Hawaii to "live in the jungle" He ran outta money pretty quickly, came back, ended up homeless. His wife left him. He turned on those who tried to help him and ended up in an institution. It's good for most people, but for some it's just not a good idea, especially when it interferes with stability and success when it comes to mental illness. I am no stranger to mental illness, having been raised in a home with mentally ill people, psychology and the mind are something I understand very well. I recommend you listen to your psychiatrist. She has your best interest at heart. And so do I. ~ poke
Thank you for reading and replying buddy. I was hoping to hear people telling me I can smoke for sure and that I am just being paranoid. I mean i just may be paranoid and I could smoke without a worry but I don't think I want to take the chance of screwing myself up. I am a smart person and I feel like I am back to myself before the time I smoked, still some places to improve but other places I am even better than before. I wish there was a way to really know if it is ok for me to smoke weed. I know you can't really say you're addicted to weed, it's psychological but I have never had anything else other than cigarettes for a few months which I quit immediately because I realized how much I started liking them. Weed just really helps me with everything. Maybe I just had bad weed or had it too often and growing it myself while moderating the usage will solve everything. Also... What you said about your friend is pretty much him becoming schizophrenic?
I look at it like this. Is it an unnecessary risk? Are the consequences at all worth the temptation? I don't think so. Compromising friendship for temptation in my opinion is a character flaw. Th same could be said about success. It is the addicts response to get high when bored, regardless of consequence. A recovering addict recognizes the behavior, which is why you rolled the dice seeking validation here. It could have gone any way and it still might if someone chimes in and tries to enable a destructive behavior. Realistically anyone can be addicted to anything. Addiction is simply the brain expecting a chemical and reacting negatively when that chemical is missing. A mood swing from withdrawal is a reaction to chemical dependence. Denial is the strongest human reaction in my experience and you've picked a biased place to ask a biased question, on purpose of course. Most of us can quit without consequence, but our brains will react to the loss of chemicals by reacting moody, losing sleep (insomnia) or loss of appetite, just as headaches are the response to those who quit caffeine, or anxiety or moodiness or overeating is a response to those who quit cigarettes.
I truly agree with the things you write. I always considered myself a great friend and never wanted to be anything less than that to people who matter to me. I just don't know how long I can wait before there's a true research and real method to find out if I am allowed to smoke without having the negative consequences mentioned above. Definitely not a risk I want to take. Maybe I just need to find something I will love even more than smoking... Smoking weed (or eating it lol) really sent me to a place where I could be finally calm. Even if I qualify as a person who NEEDS to smoke.. I don't want to end up mentally ill and/or develop any sort of issues because of marijuana. Man, this kinda sucks. But the truth is never easy to hear. Who knows, maybe in the future it will be ok...
I typically tell people to smoke. Most people I know with most mental illnesses such as depression are significantly improved with cannabis. However, your story just reminded me of my buddy. You gave a real post, asked a real question and I provided a real response, a human response. Know what I'm sayin? Kudos for your success. Keep your head up and stay on your path. You are worth it. Tough times don't last, tough people do. ~ poke
@pokesmot247 makes a very solid bunch of points here, I dont understand only one thing- how the OP's story ties in with the friend who went to hawaii to give up on society. As OP appears to be an intelligent person, it doesnt seem likely to me that it would go down in a similar manner. True, I dont know anything about the mental(?) conditions of OP, if I did I would maybe talk differently, but if the weed usage did not change your personality for the worse, I do not see a problem to smoke every other weekend or so. The one thing needed to pull that balance off and not start smoking every day is willpower. And growing your own is a good way of building it if I do say so myself. Then again, if your police officer friend is hardcore against this, it may not be worth it. A good friendship is better than some drug. But I believe it depends on the friend and how tite' you are with him. If I were you I would just tell him the situation directly and ask if he is against this. If he is, you back down from the idea and he respects you even more for appreciating his opinion, or he gives the green light and you're good.
I believe the story ties in a way that his friend MOST LIKELY got hit with schizophrenia due to smoking weed. Something that could happen to many people if they have that gene cycling in their distant or close family. Also the things I said, how I was claiming that I had a gut feeling something isn't right and that I am not feeling 100%. I am a bit of a hypochondriac and I do make a big deal of tiny issues because I have mild anxiety, ocd and ADD. All of this makes me worry that I may worsen my situation if I smoke. I literally started forgetting what I did a few seconds ago. I would remember I had a bottle of water but wasn't sure If I indeed placed it where it was or that was my friend's bottle. I would forget some words from my vocabulary and just overall didn't feel very sharp. ONE MORE THING. I did diagnose MYSELF and didn't go to a doctor but I also diagnosed myself with Tourettes Syndrome and years later when I decided to let my doctor diagnose me, he said I got no issues and no signs of tourettes other than nervous ticks that seem like tourettes. The neurologist DID say I am a walking book case of tourettes and that I just have to live with it. I have been getting different answers from different doctors and people who have tourettes also have ADD, OCD, ANXIETY, DEPRESSION and a whole list of disorders. What I can say about myself is that I am a strong individual. I studied to become a police officer in Canada and graduated and almost finished my Information Technology studies. I am not a genius but I would say i'm a fairly smart person. I was just raised to fear drugs and anything that is dangerous and automatically I may MAKE myself believe I am not sharp or became sick when everything is just fine and I need to recover from my high. I know that people with Tourettes after some time, start to develop other conditions... Like side effects of the main conditions. Forgetful, angry, mood swings, irrational decision making. It's because of the affected part of the brain. I really don't know what else to say about myself. I am 25 years old and I work out and I also do brain exercises on my phone to keep myself sharp and reverse the damage (if there was any, which sometimes I doubt...) I started smoking around 23 years old and did a lot of research before I dared to touch it. I think I smoked only high quality weed but you never know since a lot of the product cycles between a lot of people and only god knows what they laced it with but I am sure it wasn't laced cause my friends smoke it ALL THE TIME and they seem fine. One of them is an accountant for a big firm and he also helps his brother with his business. I really want to find a way once and for all to test myself and see if marijuana affects me negatively. If anyone knows of any way, even if it's a bit pricey then please let me know because I really miss it. It will be a lot easier to know that I am just not allowed to smoke or that nothing is wrong and I can keep it within moderation. I don't mind smoking once or twice a month, 1-2 bowls every session instead of what I used to do which was smoking half or a whole spliff (.2 or .3 grams a spliff). I guess I am still looking for validation but if I find facts that I shouldn't be consuming marijuana in any form then I will let it go forever, as difficult as it may be. I just hope I can consume it if I don't do it too much... It's been 8 months and I still miss it so so so much.
Cannabis effected his meds, so he quite taking them because he preferred cannabis. Without the structure in place to support his mental illness the mental illness took over and ruined his life. Had he never smoked, he would have remained properly medicated and none of the negative things he eventually did would have happened. As they hadn't happened for ten years while he was sober. Not all minds are created equally and cannabis or any other mind altering substance is not good for every person, regardless of our own personal biases.
OH so he already had a condition prior to smoking marijuana. Well regardless of which, always gotta be careful.
I can relate to your fears, YellowBlue. So I'll share my experience. I've suffered from OCD, anxiety and clinical depression since I was 7-8. Cannabis has done wonders for me to be honest. If you choose to medicate yourself with weed you have to choose the right type for you. Sativas are not recommended, Indicas have the right properties to balance you out, I found tht out the hard way. I'm always paranoid tht weed is going to send me down the rabbit hole, a point of no return. Where I'll be changed forever. So far I'm fine. No matter how fucked up I get I always bounce back. I've been smoking since I was 19, so it's been about 5 yrs. But you must have structure in your life. If you're unemployed, have no hobbies and just smoke all day then you must quit ASAP. I feel that you have to analyze yourself and keep records. When you're high, sober or on a T-break. Learn as much as possible about yourself on and off weed. Tho I agree with your psychiatrist. If you want to get the most out of your professional treatment you have to be in your original state of mind. About the thing you mentioned, getting a bit slow minded. Yeah I get tht too. Especially noticeable when writing on GC. I just can't find the right words, as opposed to when I was on a break I had no issues expressing myself. I hope to counter this effect by exercising body and brain. For instance I play chess every night before I got to sleep. I try to remember arbitrary facts from the day to improve my memory etc. I'm a professional driver, work 10hrs/day. Goes without saying tht I'm always sober when driving but I'm not seeing any difference in my driving abilities, and I'm always stoned before I got sleep. So it seems tht if weed affects anything it's intelligence, specifically speech and memory. I did at one point smoke weed for almost a year, went sober maybe 3 days in total. After which I went on a 2 month T-break and I was back to "normal" within about a week. Unfortunately depression is part of my "normality" so I wasn't sober for as long as I had planned. From what I've read in your post you have a lot of self control which is great. Like when you quit cigarettes to avoid addiction. I just recently quit after smoking for 8 yrs. And you've gone 8 months without toking tht shows strength. So you should worry a bit less knowing tht u can control yourself. But be careful. Weed is addictive. It's one of the easiest addictions to beat but if you generally want to smoke it makes it harder. You mentioned laced weed, tht's nothing you have to worry about if you live in Canada where weed is virtually legal and there's plenty of it. Tht's an issue you'll find in places where weed is scarce. edit : forgot one thing. weed doesn't cause mental illnesses but if you already suffer from something weed can cause u to have an episode.
do you feel that the "possible" "dangers" of cannabis are due to your upbringing by being fed propaganda about how cannabis is the most lethal drug in the world and the fact you went through police officer training? I am no mental health expert by any stretch but those two factors i stated seem to be more of a hindrance to you smoking than wondering how'll your brain will function in 25 years. but if you do grow, you'll have ounces upon ounces of bud at your disposal...do you feel strong-willed enough to not smoke till the weekend/only have 2 bowls per session if you had copious amounts of cannabis? I know I wouldnt lol, i only take breaks when i have zero bud perhaps find some reggie miller or mids to start back with instead of the chronic
Very good point. We're all products of our environments. My parents never ever talked to me about drugs, instead I learned about it through movies and music. And I've never been very afraid of its influence on me.
same friggin here, mom was more lenient on those type of issues, and my pops raised me as a Christian (still am) but we never talked about drugs, joked about it because we lived in the Caribbean but there was never a lecture about drugs...both parents are cool with me toking, but my pops often calls me a dopehead but in a loving manner lmao
Tadealis, THANK YOU for an AWESOME reply. I believe that I make myself seem more sick than I really am, but I am somewhat sick and it's not easy to live this way. I always had a very strong willpower but sometimes I push myself so hard that I may break, That's why I thought I would return to smoking ONLY after I finish my goal which is 1 year sobriety (started with a month, then 3 months then half a year and then I decided to make it a whole year) I also decided I will only smoke again if I can manage to grow my own weed so I know exactly what I am consuming and can grow the least powerful bud I will find, just to get a mini high if that makes sense. Ye cigarettes were taking over me, you smoked for a long ass time but I smoked on and off for under a year and realized I am getting addicted. Used to smoke a lot of Hookah too and practically quit that as well... I let my parents find all my weed stash and paraphernalia because I didn't know how to tell them I am smoking when this is the last thing they wanted me to do. Decided I won't touch it again unless I find a proper excuse but I have to be sure it's safe. So I threw everything out, over $300 worth of stuff and had some weed there too, for months that I haven't touched, to see if I can control myself. I know many people here laugh at how far I am taking this but I have seen people losin their mind cause of marijuana and I don't want to end up like that. Like you said, it can cause an episode or a series of episodes IF you are already suffering from something but I don't know if I have that Schizophrenia gene. I think my Grandmother had an episode but I am not sure. It's good how you play chess, this is what I started doing too in order to strengthen my mind. What kind of driving do you do? sounds cool. I am sure a lot of people here are WAAAAY more sick than me, my case is very mild but it's still annoying. About going back to "normal"... I am not sure what normal is anymore. I am not where I want to be in life. I have difficulties studying and concentrating and I have no idea how I managed to accomplish so much when it comes to my education. I think the 3 days you survived without smoking is a great start to get into moderation, you should try it again. smoke every other day, makes it so much more fun and special. I remember smoking once a month or once every 3 months. It was like a mini birthday every time I smoked. I watched Half Baked and this one scene Dave Chappelle says he's addicted to weed at this rehab center and this one guy stand up yelling at him "Did you ever suck dick for weed?" It was funny as hell but a psychological addiction is torturous and a lot of people who mocked me in the past for making such a big deal about it, will never understand how difficult it is unless they tried it themselves. Ye I guess I live in a pretty great place to get quality weed, Indica/Sativa or hybrids haha. About that mental illness stuff you said in the end. I guess I can go get checked if I have something in my genes but the thing is I never heard of a test like that, anyone knows about it? I didn't know there were more people here who had the same fears as I do, I just don't want to ruin my life because I decided to smoke some weed or eat it or whatever. I know what you're talking about, I find it totally hilarious how people compare weed to meth and shit on TV especially in the 80s and 90s. There are a few reasons as to why Weed is illegal and it's because of the tobacco companies who wanted to stay in business and because there was an issue taxing it and because of big grow up organizations that would start wars with the government especially in 3rd world countries and because it's part of the medical world and they like to control society and there are more reasons for sure. I have an incredible sense of willpower and I planned to grow the weed as a fun experiment and smoke just a little of it while giving everything else for free to my friends (or for a very minimal fee for my trouble) but not to become a 24/7 stoner or a dealer. What the hell am I gonna do with so much weed. Normally an ounce would last me half a year if not more. Problem is I get the craziest fucking munchies, so I kinda learned how to control that. Reggie Miller/Mids are weak? I just want to grow weak shit but also make sure it's quality weed (I am not measuring quality by how powerful it is but by how clean it is) and I don't know if some strains are in fact more destructive to our brain and body but I just want something that'll get me high but still keep me in check. I get high very easily and like totally fucked up.
^^^ i have seen a few posts on GC saying that they only smoke mids (less potent than chronic/better than reggie miller) and for special occasions they will get some top shelf bud to get phaded with honestly i would find a dealer who has a reggie/mids connection to see if thats tolerable for your psyche because if you go gun-ho into growing some 20+% THC bud, you may find it too overpowering even after 1-2 hits and youd be stuck with it, forced to give it away, and be out of pocket for your grow operation i have no suggestions for strains to grow because i have never grown and i live in an illegal state with no MMJ good luck blade
I really like you a whole lot dude. You're an asset to grasscity brother. OP, after chatting in PM I change my position. I think cannabis will help you greatly, now that I know what health issue you have. Feel free to stop by the jungle anytime and I'll show you how to grow some killer medicinal herb. http://forum.grasscity.com/indoor-medical-marijuana-growing/1305106-pokes-perpetual-underground-jungle-15-strains.html/page-487#entry21575407 ~ poke
That's right Pokes, I triple liked ya and now for a quote. Fuckin A OP you're very fortunate to cast a question to the internet and have gotten such solid replies. Good luck with your issues and probably not a great time in your life to toke up, but I'm mainly posting on account of us both having bovine avie's and reppin P-smot cause new forum lacks past rep capabilities.
Thanks a lot pokesmot247!!! I will continue my research and update you guys haha I will definitely follow that operation of yours, thanks for letting me in on it and offering your help!