Fuck. My. Life.

I don't know anywhere better to explain this, than here. I am in no physical condition to talk, because I cannot. I am too upset right now, as I've just gotten over a 2 hour long anxiety attack, that was rather bad. 
 
I came across an acquaintance whilst walking in a nearby development yesterday. Or shall I say, said acquaintance's mother. I hadn't spoken to them in a year, because said acquaintance had stolen something from me, which is a wrong that I am not very forgiving of.
 
I was simply walking, they turned, saw me, and waved at me. I waved back and said "Been awhile" to them. Seriously. They said yes, and invited me over, all friendly-like, like a friend who'd been gone for years should expect. Her son showed up and hung out with me a bit, and asked if he could invite me in. Should I mention he's older than I am? So keep in mind that he's a middle-aged man in all this. Naturally, as a polite, sane individual does, I accept the offer. Absolutely normal thing to do, right?
 
I offer to first help lay out the pine straw they're putting out, because it is a polite thing to do, and I enjoy helping people. I get done with that and he invites me to his new room, since he's just moved! Why not? Seriously! Seems like a good idea, right? He starts talking to me and I learn that he's up to his usual, for the most part. I go home, say we'll hang out again sometime.
 
We do, as I drop by when he's there on my bike route, as I work out on my bicycle to exercise now. It also helps stabilize my mental condition for short periods of time, as I've been extremely depressed since I've had to move back into a jail-cell of a room, with an angry red painted color, only half of my belongings, and sleeping on a futon with horrifying memories attached to it. With no more relationship, of course. So I'm all the fuck alone. With like 30/10 depression. Anywho, I deviated from what happened. 
 
The friend has questionable history and isn't really a threat to anybody, but because of the way he behaves, he normally doesn't net many friends. I want to help him with his recovery from trying to quit something, and hang out to help alleviate his depression. He's fairly mentally ill, too. Like.. Depression, mom problems, that sort of stuff. So we hung out today, I go home, and he later offers me a roach, like, to keep, and then sneaks out after dark to bring it to me.
 
His mother catches him, and speeds off to find me. I am hanging out with him at a pond, just talking to him, as I'd already ditched the roach. He told me his mom was probably at my house right now. I asked why and he explained. She thought I was going to be doing 'business' with him. Seriously. Like.. She knows I use it mainly for medicinal purposes, specifically to help myself handle depression and anxiety attacks.
 
She calls me, I can't answer because he won't shut the fuck up about his drinking so I can try to calm his already mad mother down. She has found us already and is calling us, pulled into somebody else's driveway nearby with the windows up and lights off so we can't tell. Door never opened or shut is how I knew.  I call her back twice with no answer. About this time he gets a call from her. He tries to talk to her, and I politely ask him to ask her to call me or talk to me when they're done. He starts talking again and eventually hands over the phone. 
 
"I will call the law on you and tell them I saw you sell him weed. Don't think I won't, because I'm his MOTHER, and I will NOT have a BAD influence getting my son into trouble!"
 
I.. I politely explain that I was doing nothing of the sort, and had no intentions to do so, as I know how she would feel about it and am NOT a supplier.. I told the truth. She reiterated. In other words, but the same exact stuff. Keep in mind this is a nurse that accepts that medical marijuana has some significant positive impacts on the lives of many people. They talk and she speeds off in her fucking SUV. Meanwhile I'm in complete shock. I don't understand exactly why I would be treated so horribly by somebody who had respected me at one point in time, even when she had the same knowledge now as then. 
 
Now guess what he does? He says he's going to hang out at my house, and I'm in shock. I can't respond. I don't know what the HELL just HAPPENED. So.. I kind of just blindly walk home in shock, protesting that I don't need this, and he follows. HE FOLLOWS! Follows me into the house, even, though from a distance. Sits down in my room and pulls out that GODDAMN ROACH. I had ditched it at the pond, hoping he'd know to just leave it there. 
 
Guys, I have mental problems, but this is fucked up. Anyhow, so.. I saw it and my body started shaking. I'm still shaking badly right now. I just need to write this down, because I don't know what else to do. I began hyperventilating uncontrollably, and my entire body tightened up as panic set in, and I went full blown anxiety attack. I've got shit here, you know? No bud, but I've got shit here. You know, scale to scale it out when I get it and make sure it weighs right, my LED light, a worm bin with old weed leaves, stuff that would get me a record most likely.. So.. I finally convinced him to leave. After my entire anxiety attack was over.
 
I could not speak. I don't even know how to describe how horrified I was during the attack, and he calls her back, WHICH MAKES IT WORSE. Here I am, in a room, full blown freak-out, unable to do anything but try to not pass out, and all she says is 'sorry.' 'She'll text me an apology later.'
 
My whole body hurts and won't quit with spasms now.. It hurts...I.. I want to go. But I've got nowhere to go. I've done nothing to deserve this, and now I'm some sort of horrible person. I don't want this. NO.

 

I don't have the emotional capacity to handle situations like that. I have really bad anxiety, and anything like that can set it off. I was already on edge because of my severe depression, which I needed the company to help deal with.

 

I can try to watch something, but right now I'm so freaked out that I can hardly manage to keep up with a forum, let alone a show. I feel hurt in more ways than one and I don't know how to feel. Like.. She gave me that look. You know that look. The one where you're no longer a human being to them. Just because I try to be a nice person. 

 

Sorry, my internet went out, so I just laid in bed all night. Haven't eaten or slept, but I'm trying to get my blood sugar back up to normal. My whole body hurts right now, so I'll add in some quotes and comments later. 

 

Well I drank some koolaid, with sliced bananas in it, ate some fiber gummies that're high in sugar, and chewed a pack of big red, while waiting on my cup noodles to cook in the microwave.

 

I decided to hang out with him because I felt bad for him. Every person he hangs out with ditches him because he's a pretty bad influence, though he tries his hardest not to be. Don't worry though, I'm never going to speak to either of them again for dragging me into a situation where my mental impairment is agitated to that extent. I am calm, but I woke up sick from it, tried to eat, and can't hold any food down this morning. I would never have even considered hanging out with them if they hadn't invited me themselves, to do so. It'd been two years since he'd stolen from me, and we hadn't spoke in that long, by the way. That's why the 'script flipped.'
 
 

 

I'm ditching the HELL out of that drama. Like.. Not even walking on the road they live on from now on.
 
Anyway, I'm going to go hunch back over the toilet. I feel like garbage. 

 

Actually, that was the idea. I used this thread to kind of vent when I wasn't in shape to get outside. A guy I hung out with on the side of the road and shared a joint with when I met him, offered to return the favor and hang out half the day, so I went and hung out with him and his for a bit, was a good day and with all the stuff we did I came home without any stiff muscles from the attack. It hurt like hell to get out there though. And don't worry. It's hard to offend me, just not hard to give me an anxiety attack, haha.
 
 

I wish there were more people in this world who weren't erm.. Well, unstable as Greenmagic said.
 
 
I appreciate the sentiments through the hard time I had to deal with, guys. I wish people would think before doing stupid shit.