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Need help Extremely urgent

Discussion in 'Marijuana Consumption Q&A' started by Isitonu66, Mar 29, 2015.

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  1. #1 Isitonu66, Mar 29, 2015
    Ok, just putting this out here I have searched the forums and have gotten some good ideas but I'm still stressing out so much!

    So I just got a call from a job that drug tests and found after 2 weeks of them saying I didn't get the job that now I got it. Great! Except for the fact I've been smoking heavy in that time frame. I'm about 5,11 270lbs, (definitely have fat on me) so there is no way in hell I'm getting it out by Monday.

    I've got a clean friend who is willing to piss for me so I've been trying to practice ways to smuggle it in. I also have a physical. So question 1.

    1. Will it be a red flag to the lab people if I ask to do the drug test first? Maybe say I've been drinking a lot of fluids or am getting over a bladder infection? Thoughts?

    2. I tried pissing in a tall pill bottle and taping a hand warmer around it and placing it near the groin area. But it started to leak a little bit and it cooled off like 3 degrees F. In just 5 mins. What is the best way to get it in? I'm terrified that if I use a condom it will break then I'm screwed. Thoughts?

    3. I picked up 1 quart size plastic bags and placed a hand Warmer in one, folded it up and put it in another bag then peed in that bag. That also started to leak and it seemed like the hand warmer just stopped working. So my question is if I just put the hand warmer or 2 in the bag when they are hot and pee in the same bag will the urine render the warmers useless? Thoughts?

    That's all I can think of now, and believe me I would have just stopped smoking if I had known they were gonna offer the job to me but they had said I wasn't chosen. I really don't have any money for a synthetic piss and find those to be sketchy too. Any advice from anyone who has pulled this off successfully is greatly appreciated. And I'm sorry I know you guys probably deal with a thread like this 10 times a day. Also apologize for the length I'm just stressing.

    Thanks guys~
     
  2. #2 mr.rager.1985, Mar 29, 2015
    go synthetic man..borrow the money and get them back on that first check.

    the physical if done at the same time could be a problem as you'll still have the bottle.
     
  3. #3 Isitonu66, Mar 29, 2015
    I don't know if I'll be able to borrow it. And do they work? Can you recommend a brand or something and do they sell them in head shops? Sorry just never had to buy one before.
     
  4. #4 Shifty007, Mar 29, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 29, 2015
    Use either a condom or go to walmart and buy a glass bottle of vanilla extract they have them in 2 oz bottles. Buy a cheap.digital thermometer and use it to verify temp. On your way to the drug test stop at a store and grab a large cup of hot water. Submerge bottle of urine on water and check temp often get it to around 102f then use a handwarmer against it with stashed in your groin. I'm fairly confident you will not have the drug test and physical at the same place I never have. Ask them and if it is go with the condom easy to dispose of. I'm not gonna write every possibility but with this info you can figure it out works everytime.
     
  5. #5 Isitonu66, Mar 29, 2015
    Ok I think I'm gonna have to try the condom method. I really hope they don't do the physical there but I'm pretty sure the supervisor said it will be the physical and the drug test. IF I do put the condom in the crevice between my balls and my thigh do you honestly think it will stay warm enough? I took a trial run earlier and it cooled off like 3 degrees in 5 mins.
     
  6. #6 Shifty007, Mar 29, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 29, 2015
    Not your groin but your taint. Wear tighty whities and use a handwarmer. I have used both condom and bottles I prefer bottles. A bottle wrapped in electrical tape will hold temp for so long its unreal. I wear slip on boots and stash it all in them when I'm done. Even if the physical is there you won't be asked to remove your shoes. Also if your still worried take a bic also and if temp falls too low stick the flame directly to the glass bottle it will reach tempin 30 seconds. You won't need it thou. I have literally done this I can't even tell you how many times it never fails. Gettin clean urine is the hardest part.
     
  7. #7 Shifty007, Mar 29, 2015
    Next time don't say its so damn urgent when you have until Monday. I was too tired to notice it until now and could have waited until tomorrow. ;)
     
  8. #8 Thicken Dense, Mar 29, 2015
     
    Absolutely. Ask to use the restroom and let them make the first move. If they're taking a urinalysis then it's on them to speak up about needing a sample. If they're like "sure go ahead no problem" then I'd be worried they're going to test my saliva.
     
  9. #9 Isitonu66, Mar 29, 2015
    I'm sorry shifty, I just felt it's urgent so I can practice. I'm sorry this might be a dumb question but what is a taint? And a thought about bringing the bic but I wasn't sure if they would be listening outside the door. If I can use the big with ease then I should no doubt go with s little glass bottle. How much electrical tape is need to completely insulate it?
     
  10. #10 Isitonu66, Mar 29, 2015
    Thank you for the answer thicken! I'm like 96% sure it is going to be a urine test. So knowing that, after I fill out the paper work and they call me back, should I then ask if I could use the restroom or where it's at? And then just hope they give me the cup and tell me to put it in there? That really seems like the only way.
     
  11. #11 Shifty007, Mar 29, 2015
    Not much at all I don't even use tape but I have when I was worried like you are. Keep your legs together with the handwarmer and undies you won't need anything else. Give it a trial run tomorrow get everything ready and watch a movie shit will still be at temp when your done.

    PS It taint your balls and it taint your asshole. Maybe that will help you locate it.
     
  12. #12 Thicken Dense, Mar 29, 2015
     
    They probably have alternate (more expensive) tests at their disposal if anything seems suspicious, so play it as safe as possible.
     
  13. #13 SmokeErrythang, Mar 29, 2015
    The taint is the skin between the balls and bunghole
     
  14. #14 Isitonu66, Mar 29, 2015
    Alright thanks guys, gonna practice today hopefully I can keep the temp for at least 45 mins.
     
  15. #15 Tokinsince2012, Mar 29, 2015
    Friend at work recommended this to me.
    Use a condom. Don't fill it up as much as you can, just barely enough for them to get the sample so you can keep it tucked away and so it won't break. Tape the condom between your nutsack and your thigh and let your natural body temp. warm it up to where it needs to be. It's gross as hell but you do what you gotta do in order to pass. If they have to watch you do it, stick your condom through your pants zipper so it looks like you're whipping your dick out. They're not gonna tell the difference unless they're literally standing right in front of you watching your dick. take a needle and poke a hole through the tip and empty the condom. (or you can just say you have bathroom anxiety and you can't go if someone's watching lol) If they don't have to watch you, well then you're pretty much home free. But It's really your best option. Good luck to you.
     
  16. #16 hitops, Mar 29, 2015
    Before you attempt falsifying a fluid sample be aware of your state laws on it some are very harsh might not be a road you want to take that is if you're caught. The temperature of the urine sample has to be measured within 4 minutes of the sample's collection. A new sample is required if the temperature is not within the range of 90.5 and 99.8 degrees Fahrenheit. The Collector directly observes the giving of the second sample. Remember they do this for a living if you give any hint body language or other at all.  All they have to do is say hmm feels a little cold wont even bother taking a temp of it & say we need you to give another sample. Hope it works out for you I think I would skip that test if I was you.
     
  17. #17 Isitonu66, Mar 30, 2015
    Alright guys today was it. I decided to keep my friends urine in a little plastic spray bottle. I did some experimenting and this was the best method for me. I filled out the paper work when I got there and when they called me back I had to lift a box a couple times and put it on a shelf

    Then went to a room and put all my things into a box. They didn't pat me down or watch me in the bathroom at all. I went in and pulled out the bottle and put it all in the cup. He gave me a copy of the paper stating I did the test, on that paper he marked the temp was in the right range!

    Now the scariest part, I didn't realize they were going to check me for a hernia. I overheard a nurse say to get into a gown to another patient. My mind was racing at this point. What am I going to do!? So while waiting I asked if there was a water fountain because I was thirsty. Lucky for me it was out in the waiting room around a corner. I made sure there was no one watching and grabbed it as fast as I could and jammed it into a zip up pocket in my hoodie!

    Back in the room, the doc walks in and checks my ears, eyes, pulse, and then tells me to drop my pants and cough you know the hernia test. After we were finishing up she asks me if I was nervous about being there and that my blood pressure was high. I told her I wasn't nervous and my Bp is usually normal. She measured my beats per minute again and said it was better. Then she said I was all set. Waited a few more minutes until the receptionist said I could leave and that was it. Took about an hour and a half.

    So Im not worried about my friends pee because he's on probation and gets tested every two weeks. And he's not the type of guy to risk failing so he hasn't done any drugs since he was put on probation. So my final question is, will they call me and tell me I passed or will my employer contact me? And if I don't here anything back at the end of this week should I call the lab?

    Thanks so much for your input guys! Really liking this forum! You're all awesome!
     
  18. #18 Young Buckets, Mar 31, 2015
    God this sounds so stressful... Good luck man!
     
  19. #19 Isitonu66, Mar 31, 2015
    Oh believe me it was
     
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