Alright Blades and Bladies, Please tell me if its me, or him......... Soooo I have been with my current boyfriend for a little over a year. When we first got together the chemistry was SO strong. Fireworks, electricity, and butterflies for DAYS. The sex was ALWAYS great. We would see each other 2-4 times a week, and fuck at least twice when we were together. It was mind blowing, erotic, passionate, and neither of us could get enough. We became more serious, and in August we moved in together. We had sex every night, sometimes multiple times a day. The multiples started falling off, but other than "that time of the month" we fucked once a day, and it was still 11/10. Within the last few months it has started to taper off. Once every 2-4 days, and I ALWAYS have to initiate. I have still been sending him sexy texts, both pictures and suggestive language, and his responses have been short, or not at all. It is leaving me feeling unattractive. I know myself enough to realize I have my own body image issues, I gained over 100 pounds when I got pregnant with my son (4 years ago) I have since lost 110 pounds and I am in the BEST shape of my life, I have even started toning out, HOWEVER I still feel inadequate, I know that he is attracted to me, but i am starting to wonder if I am enough. Being a mom, I feel like my body is "used" and that there are parts of me that will never look like women he has been with in the past, or "magazine pretty" I am lucky that i have ZERO stretch marks, but my breasts went from DD before the baby to barely C's after breast feeding, He got with me AFTER all of the weight gain/loss, and i havent gained any weight since we got together. Infact I have maintained my weight while shedding fat and gaining muscle. So i need to try not to let my PAST body issues affect my confidence. He has gained about 20 pounds in the last 6 months, he is still SEXY AS FUCK to me, but he hates it. He is tired more often than he used to be, and he just seems bored with me. Im trying to figure out if maybe the drop off in his libido has to do with his own body issues. HOWEVER, when we DO have sex it is still UNBELIEVABLE, last night for instance was one of the best ever. If I could I would have sex once in the morning, once after work and once before bed....... everyday......... SOOOOO my question, Do I have unrealistic sexpectations, have I become too familiar, or is this drop off normal......
From what I'm getting you just have a higher sex drive. After a year and you already see a decline? Ya it happens, but you shouldnt have to initiate it every time. How old are both of you, if you don't mind me asking. Also how serious are you to for the future? Just wondering since you guys live together already.
We are both 28...... As far as seriousness...... I cant imagine being with anyone else, He saitiates me in every aspect ( i just want more sex) we have been friends since we were 15 years old. But didnt ever date until now. We have fun doing nothing at all. BUT I was married for 7 of those years. I had a NASTY divorce, and I have no intention of getting married again. I dont know i that changes the level of seriousness or not, but as far as exclusivity goes its him and only him for me....... And he feels the same way. NO reason to push engagement, marriage, kids etc. But we both want to wake up next to each other everyday, and fall asleep in each others arms every night.
Hmmmm.....I see. Well your sex drive is about to hit its peak, dirty thirties, his on the other hand is declining. Still doesn't explain why he doesn't respond more than a few words to your dirty texts and pics, that is weird. But I think its from sex drive shifting. At least in my eyes. I can't speak from experience. Maybe some other blades will help out.
I want to help him get back to where we were. I am wondering if stress from work is coming into play, his job has been pretty shitty recently. I also want to encourage him to work out and eat healthy, NOT because I am not attracted to him anymore, he is gorgeous now, and a little extra weight is not an issue. But IF the weight is affecting him sexually, he may be putting himself in a situation where his health may be affected later, BUT i dont want him to feel like I am pushing him to lose weight because I am unattracted to him.
I doubt a little extra weight is fucking with his sex drive..if anything, getting excess calories most likely has a positive effect on sex drive. If he eats pure crap then maybe.. It's really hard to say for sure what's going on op, it could be a lot of things. A year is a long time in a relationship, having sex with the same person. I'm at ~9 month mark with my chick and my mind often strays, thinking of other women. The only thing that saves me is space. If I lived with this girl it would prob be over already, not sure how/why people do that so soon? 3x a day is completely unrealistic. I physically can't bust 21x a week. No fucking way. I'm only 4 years older than him. My best guess is things are getting a bit old, he's not as attracted as he used to be so he doesn't constantly desire you. That doesn't mean the relationship is on the rocks, this shit just happens. I don't know how to fix it.
\nSucks to hear honestly, I am still wildly attracted to him. IDK what else to do to keep him interested. Ive tried new sexual positions, outfits, etc (toys make him feel inadequate) The lack of interest is starting to effect my confidence and Idk what else to do I was wondering if that had anything to do with it. I understand hes a guy, hes going to look at porn/masturbate ETC I get that, being a bladie who went through a long "Bi-curious" streak, I get it go for it. But i need more...... and as i mentioned before he feels inadequate at the idea of toys, even me using them on my own......... :/
Yes check it out....I myself didnt think it was an issue but After I gave it a break my drive went way up and my erections were harder then ever.......Porn is a drug, When you see something that excites you you get saratoma (Idont know how to spell very well) released into the brain just like anything else. What I have done is treat it like weed taking tolerence breaks...if you will
How do I approach that???? "Hey babe, I think your porn habits are affecting us in the bedroom" I can see how that would go........... idk what to do
sure why not, Like I said I didnt believe untill I saw sum stuff here actually.....then I did some more digging and it can get real bad...like there are guys who cant cum unless their watching porn.. I read of one guy who said he "woke up" in front of his computer all jizzed up and he didnt even remember going there he then checked his history and he was surfing or viewing for twi hours...get this, he was sober. He may get offended I was...cause my wife found porn and said I was addicted. Then I looked it up and found it to be true. I dont want to get to those extreams I have a very hot wife....but every day there is a call some guys just like to look at women I used to live with strippers so this was a big part of my life style....and it is hard not to view....cause once your their its like "well might just as well go all the way......your always rationalizing "if I do it now Ill just last longer when we get together" I work nights so im alone alot in the day....working out helps alot I JUST LOVE WOMEN they are so awsome better stop now before I talk myself into sumthing I dont want to do
I really want to talk to him about it. But I know he isn't going to stop. that's just part of him, and I accepted that as part of the whole package. Also the whole "I'm gonna look at other girls" thing too. he has stopped talking about other women I. Front of me with his friends for the most part, but the porn thing will not be going anywhere. He wants me to watch it with him. But that only makes me feel less attractive, the real thing is right here and we are watching some chicken on the internet......
yeah my wife says she wants it all the time im 45 once a day is good for me....and sometimes I actually get bored cause of all the different porn chicks i watch
That's what I'm afraid of. Getting bored with me because he's too busy looking at other girls. I'm not conceited or anything but I'm sexy, I want to wanted...
hes not really bored just not used to being with the same girl....think about it this way sometimes you could be watching a porn mabey its your fav actress half way thru it you change the vid. just cause mabey its not moving the way you want it....with the amount of free porn sites and the video quality now is very good. Fortunatly for me I didnt grow up with high speed....I had to wait for my naked girls to slowly load up a single pic. and those were just pictures they say young men growing up today with all the different choices and high speeds is really effecting them.....its not just porn either people all over are addicted to the info out their for to them...even checking out facebook is kind of like porn anyways mabey all he needs is what I do take tolerence breaks I dont want to admit this but when the red tide comes in a do bindge out on Tory lane so I hope this helps you some way I hope I dont cause trouble for the dude in the end its women fault for being so damn sexy peace out
At first I thought it may be relationship problems or a lowered sex drive, but after you mentioned the weight gain and his shitty job I think it might be something else? Maybe he's just a little depressed or hit a slump and you're not seeing it? Either way, why ask us? You know more about him and the relationship than we do. If you guys are really that serious and you've been together for a year, you should be able to talk it out. Also, everyone has a "honeymoon" stage in their relationships. I'm learning about it in psychology right now. It usually lasts the first two years of a reltionship, and it basically consists of the butterflies in your stomach, not being able to stop thinking about your partner, etc. After this stage, you will start to feel a decline in these feelings, but it doesn't mean you don't love the other person it's just that you're more used to them. Maybe he's just falling out of this stage early? Either way, I think your best bet is to talk to him about it.
I talked to him about it the other night. He assured me that his feelings for me havent dwindled. He also added that he is more attracted to me that he was when we first got together. He went more into the the stress of work, weight gain, and lack of sleep has been affecting his libido. He then talked to me a little about how he feels like he isnt satisfying me and when he gets into his head about it, it makes it hard for him to perform sexually. As hard as it was to bring this up, I also talked to him about how I feel inadequate because I compare myself to the girls in the porn he watches, and how i do not have a body like that, and do not plan to ever have a body like that. (dont get me wrong I am fit, and 80% of the time I would consider myself hot/sexy/etc) He tried explaining to me that he doesnt look at me and them the same, something about mutual respect etc. I didnt really get it too much, probably because I am not a porn person, so I really miss the mark on understanding where he is coming from there. BUT all is well, I just wanted some advice and insight from some blades and bladies before trying to collect and organize my thoughts into an actual conversation with him.
Lol, what did you expect him to say on the spot? Not saying he's lying but 99% of dudes would say the same thing...even if not true. 'Nah babe your just not attractive to me anymore' right..
Ehhh IDK. I am a gymnast, 5'4, muscualr/toned legs and arms, flat stomach, C-cup, 29 Inch waist, and I consider myself pretty haha. I truly believe him when he says it. I think I let my insecurities take over when I created this thread.
Do you have any kids from the previous marriage? That's pry one of the only reasons I'd get sick of dating a hot little gymnast!