Ah there's the judgement. Lmao. I never imagined I would be here and the moment I knew I was in love with the other guy I cried for weeks. If my husband has another, what can I really do? But he comes home to me and I go home to him so we are both committed to our family at least. But trust, I give him plenty of reasons to stay. If there was a way I could tell him and he actually understand, I would. But his ego is fragile and this would destroy him. He would never understand how I can love him better because I love someone else. I don't fully understand it myself. Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
I hope your husband finds out and breaks off the marriage. Then your BF dumps your sorry ass and you're left alone and miserable. Would be fitting. You can't say you love someone and then stab them in the back like that. Yes you are being judged.
Hmm. Interesting. This is my 102nd post and you swear you know my "sorry ass." So I probably shouldn't even type this since you already know it but here goes nothing. I am the only person who ever fought for or believed in my husband, and that includes his family. I worked a job I absolutely hated so I can support him going back to school full time. I'm the only who believed he should even go to college. Now, he's out from his mama's basement and last year he got his first real job at the age of 34. And I did that without nagging him or belittling him. I just believed he could until he believed it himself. There are many times I should've left him in the early years but I saw he was still growing and I stuck by him while he acted like he could find something better. He didn't. Cuz the girls he thought he wanted wouldn't put up with his bullshit with the way he was living. I have supported and loved my husband from day ONE and I still back him 100%. That hasn't changed. But since my boyfriend came into my life, I don't resent him for how he hurt me while I helped him become a man. Because somehow, our souls connected. It didn't happen on purpose, I wasn't out there looking for anyone. And I fought it for a long long time. But fighting it was making me miserable and I was lashing out. The moment I accepted that I love both of them is the moment moment I accepted myself and finally got some peace. I get something I need from both of them and they both get what they need from me. I've known my husband for almost 8 years and this guy knows me better in a tenth of the time. And not because I hid anything from my husband, but because this guy just understands me in a way I can't even explain. TL:dr my "sorry ass" has done more for my husband than I can even type and he knows it. I'm committed to our family and that hasn't changed because I gave my body to someone else who has my loyalty. Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
All of that was completely irrelevant, you chose to marry him..either divorce or stay loyal. Why don't you tell your husband?
Not trying to judge you but please consider this; You choose to stay with him and loved him along the way. You know he couldn't stand the idea of your cheating, yet choose to allow the boyfriend and your relationship become intimate. See the contradiction?
Lol a lot of people see what you are doing and probably wouldn't want that happening to them. No shit you are going to get some judgement (some more aggressive than others). In my opinion it sounds like you rushed into a marriage. You come off as a naive individual to me. You found out you were "in love" with this other guy and cried for weeks. I'd like to hear what you think "love" is. I don't think a lot of people even know what it means they just say they are "in love". Probably lust idk. You come home to each other...Ok and? You are still seeing someone on the side. To me that is selfish. I won't trust you give him many reasons to stay because you sound manipulative. No one will understand when you have your husband thinking he is in a committed relationship. Yet you go behind his back and fool around with another guy. Some people can make that work but it doesn't work when it's a secret. That's fucked up. The longer you wait, the worse your husband will feel. Is that what you want? Do you just want him to feel like shit when he finds out? Because he will find out... Clearly you don't understand much and you need to make a decision. Sounds to me like you are waiting to hurt him. Whatever, I hope I never have to deal with a girl like you. I know for dam sure I won't get married for the hell of it.
I'm not going to judge you. I haven't been in your situation before, but I can understand a little how you feel. I have no advice either. I'm sure you already know deep down what needs to happen. The choice is yours. Life sucks sometimes.
I don't know if it is possible to be in love with two people at once but I'm in a somewhat similar situation, although I'm not married. I have a girlfriend that I've been dating off and on for a loooong time, longer than most sane people would try and stay together. During one of those off periods I was keeping my friends wife company seeing he's in the army and away a lot of the times. She's really cool, from Cali actually. I loved smoking and talking to her while we just chilled in her apartment watching Netflix. We got drunk one night and ended up fucking and kept fucking after that incident. But even before that whenever we would be talking I would just be thinking how fucking perfect she was, she was too perfect for me though. So perfect that any relationship between us would fall apart because we were too much alike, we both like to do what we want without having people telling us what to do. I just see a lot of myself in her literally and figuratively. I got back with my girl since then and even talk about her to the side girl. The side chick knows I wouldn't permanently leave my girl for her and I know she wouldn't leave her husband for me, but we do care about eachother other a lot. I do treat her like a girlfriend at times but try to keep in mind it can only stay at FWB. This relationship will also end soon since her husband will be back soon and she will move with him in less than a month. She says she still wants me in her life and I as her...but sitting back and looking at all of it. I'd rather end it there because I love my girlfriend and honestly wouldn't want anyone else besides her even though I'm a lustful asshole..I don't know if you've ever watched the show Californication, but I feel like David Duchovney's character a lot of the times. And fuck all the Removed disrespectful childish retort. - ICGreen Wraaaap the night around me, blanket of black on my back, I feel safe in the darkness...
I'll give you that the marriage may have been a little rushed but I didn't do it for the hell of it. I felt like I had to, because we have a child and my husband needed health insurance. But I do love him. I just didn't know myself enough to know that maybe I should've put an open relationship on the table. My commitment to him is automatically null and void because I slept with someone else? I don't believe that. What is love to me? Love to me is looking at a person, seeing all their flaws and accepting them for it. I do that for both of them. Neither of them are perfect, but I can't imagine my life without either of them. When I'm apart from them I wonder what they are doing, if they are safe and if they are happy. There are two reasons I haven't told my husband. One, he would automatically assume it's because something is wrong with him and he would be devastated. But it's not anything he did or didn't do. If I felt like he could understand that (despite what you and others assume) I don't love him any less, I would tell him. If I felt like he would be able to get past his justifiable anger, I would tell him. And I don't want to hurt him. THAT'S why I cried for weeks. I could no longer deny how I felt but I knew it would hurt him. I've been through the guilt and the shame already. Still didn't change how I felt. The other reason is I don't want my son to watch the anger that would ensue. Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
If you don't want all the bad side effects to cheating, then stop? Not a hard concept. Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
by sleeping with some behind behind his back you are being unloyal. there is no way around that. the history isnt void but that doesnt change the present. how he would take the news doesnt give you the right to keep it from him. its your body but its both of your lives. If i knew my wife or girlfriend had found someone else she cared for from her and we talked about it, something maybe salvagable. if I found out from someone else or 6 months, a year, two years down the line Id never forgive them, no if ands or butts. Lying about the act makes the act twice as bad.
I see it. I've always seen it. I feel like this contradiction is more about society and expectations than actual feelings tho. Both of us had the Happily Ever After pounded into our heads so we can't imagine a Big Love type situation. That is, until my Mom's friend came to visit. She's a black Israelite and her husband has three wives total. It's not perfect but they make it work. Of course, there's no woman with multiple husbands because patriarchy but it did open my eyes a little. I've lived most of my life trying to be what society tells me to be. When I chose to have my son I honestly never expected to get married because my husband wasn't even showing the depth of his feelings for me. Suddenly I'm showing and he comes clean about everything and want to get serious. He needed health insurance, I couldn't put him on as a domestic partner. So, if anything, we probably manipulated each other a little. Yea, we are kinda fucked up and backwards and this situation sucks but it is what it is. Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
Every man should live alone, NOT in their parents basement or with roommates, for at least 10 years, before even thinking about marriage. Otherwise, you'll be a typical stupid husband and probably pussy whipped as well.
I get that. I really do. In all honesty I don't like keeping this from him. I'm not getting off on the secrecy. It's not about that for me. If I could do all again, I would know myself better and sit him down and tell him... I may fall in love with someone else but because of who you are, how I feel about and our son I will never leave you or desert you. And take it from there. On the other side, just stopping or pretending I don't feel for the other guy almost destroyed me. It was constantly telling myself not to think about him, to the point I couldn't think about anything else. He is my twin flame (Google it) and the more I reject him is the more I reject myself. I know it doesn't make any fucking sense. I was angry at myself and the universe for how this is going down. But my choices are mine and I made sure I can live with the consequences. Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
And yet, no one is calling him a whore, a dumb ass or a sorry ass. He's getting props. Fascinating. Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum