It is said that many go to seminary to become an athiest... There was a time in my life where I was devoted to the Christian faith. I served in church and spent some years in the arctic doing pastoral work while attending seminary. It wasn't until we really delved deeply into the concept of sin in a particular class that I really struggled. I became overturned with guilt over my role in the crucifixion of Christ. It consumed me and no amount of consoling soothed the sadness I felt. This set me on a journey of self-preservation. I eventually grew to hate the idea that I was a lowly worm. A lost soul who RIGHTFULLY deserves to be burned in hellfire apart from any form of true love - a pit of deep tormentous regret for ALL eternity. I eventually began to hate the idea and question whether God's love was real --after all-- this is a threat to compel one to turn from "sin" and to Christ. Then I began to question my theology professors. There are countless denominations full of men convinced fully that their perception is correct. Men adept at using the pen -- Martin Luther, Edwards, Wesley, and even Popes -- wrote very convincing arguments so much so that one must ask the question: "With all of these interpretations and arguments how can I, a simple man, know so matter of factly that I am correct?" This in turn led to the question that "If God is a jealous God, tolerating not so much as a golden calf image of him, if I embrace the wrong idea about God have I not in effect created my own golden calf, my own God? And I am not then an idolater worthy of damnation?" No one could assuage my doubts. So I left Seminary. Lost. Unsure of what to do with my life. And now, several years later, I look to science. Instead of faith, I strive to understand as much about our world as I can. Finally my soul, my inner being, is at peace. The purpose of life is something that you create. I try to learn something new every day of my life and be a man of honor.
Science will explain God, will reveal it in a way that makes sense to those for whom religion does not. A great journey you have been on. Realising that you were creating your own version of God which for you simply got in the way of actually connecting. So much dogma in religion, so many who act as if they have it all figured out. Science is just as valid a path as any, and for those who get it, find God that way. There are many scientists who are also mystics, and visa versa. In a way, there is no purpose to life other than to realise what it is that matters to you. To follow your heart, your passion, your excitement, and let it lead you into more of who you are. This reveals God along the way, in a way that only you can really see, although others can understand when you do, as they do too. I think the feeling is always the same, even when the circumstances seem very different, because it is the realisation that opens us to it. Makes us feel connected, aware, a part, of something that just makes more sense like this. Being a man of honour is a great endeavour. The truth really will set us free.
you know I wouldn't really consider my self a man of faith but Ive been looking at Christianity for a little while now. i grow up christian and then went away and now I'm looking at it. One of the things i thought about that really struck me was the idea of forgiveness. Christianity is based on forgiveness, no? From what I see, turning from sin and looking to Jesus seems to be a contradiction. Accepting Jesus means accepting we are sinners. But I mean, is that a bad thing? Idk and idc. Back to forgiveness. God forgive sin through the sacrifice of his only human son. Ok. He forgave us. Was the act for us? Were we forgiven for our benefit? Fuck no. Think about it this way. If I hold a grudge, get made about shit all the time, flood the world, send plagues and stuff, and the stupid ass shit head that will never get it doesn't get the signals that im shitting on him then who is the one suffering by my being mad about his stupid ass shit? I AM!!I mean Jesus Christ, how can I torture myself getting mad at someone because they make the wrong decisions. I get made because I love them and i want them to do the right thing but they don't. So do I continue getting mad and not forgive them? Or do I forgive them and just let it go? I forgive them because it helps me to alleviate my pain and suffering for their being a stupid ass shit head. So Christianity is based on the idea that God did something selfish to protect his own suffering from our stupid ass shit.