I feel like my boyfriends putting weed before me...what do?

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by morallyconflicted, Feb 8, 2015.

  1. Hey guys, first post here.  Sorry if it's a little long.
     
    First off, I've nothing against weed in general.  I smoke it, I smoked it all through high school, and I'm fine with other people smoking it.  I wouldn't call myself a stoner as I frankly don't have the funds to buy weed often, but I appreciate the herb and will happily toke with friends.
     
    For some reason, I feel really weird about my boyfriend smoking it.  We're freshmen in college, and he only started a few weeks ago when his flatmates were toking one night.  I like his flatmates and I'm pretty good friends with all of them, and I was well aware that they smoked-we had conversations about it from time to time all of first semester.  A part of me feels like the boyfriend felt left out of those conversations and wanted to experience what we were talking about.  And hey, who'm I to stop him from having a good time, right?  So when I got back from work the other day and he texted me that he'd been smoking with the flatmates, I immediately went to join them.
     
    When I get there, my boyfriend's pretty blazed and the guys are passing around a vape.  They let me take a few hits right off the bat so I can catch up, and then I pass it to the bf.  He takes a HUGE fucking hit, it's like he has iron lungs or something, and all the guys cheer him on.  That was like the kind of shit I'd expect to see from one of my stoner friends-not from my drugs-and-booze-virgin of a boyfriend.
     
    I didn't really let it bother me that much (why should I, he was probably just trying to make a good first impression on his friends), and I just took the time to relax and joke around with the guys.  That was some dank shit though, we're all fucked.  Honestly after the fourth hit, I knew I was really done (I can't stop shaking, my vision is pulsing and my mouth is like a desert), but the boyfriend wanted to keep going.  And let me tell you: he was already really goddamn high.
     
    Some of the things he said were so incredibly immature, it was appalling.  And honestly kind of embarrassing, you know?  He's a scrawny, nerdy kind of guy and his flatmates are burly, macho types, and he clearly could not keep his shit together.  It got to the point where one of the other guys looked at me and said reassuringly, "Don't worry babe, we'll clean him up."  And for the rest of the night, whenever the bf said anything ridiculous, the other guys would look at me sympathetically. 
     
    Long story short, he passed out on the floor, I greened out and went home, and the next day when I visit him in the afternoon, he tells me he's still blazed.  And that he loves it.  And that he's going to do this all the time.
     
    He couldn't even function!  He couldn't stand up and walk across the room to get some water, and he was saying shit about being able to fly if he sat in a higher place.  And now he's telling me he's going to do this all the time?
     
    It's not his fault he has low tolerance because he'd never smoked before then, I guess.  And I've been staying away from him when he smokes just because for some reason, I was really disgusted by the experience.  
     
    I'm not going to tell him to stop, and I don't even know if I'm going to bring it up at all.  I feel like it's too early to broach the subject.  But this is a guy who's never bought me a meal or taken me out on dates (I work and he doesn't, so I try not to let that be an issue), nor does he ever really plan to spend time with me.  And suddenly he's dropping money on weed?
     
    I don't want to sound like I'm disrespecting the herb here.  Weed is worth spending money for.  But I've been dating him for half a year now and thought he was just a really frugal guy because he didn't want to spend any money on me-clearly, he has money to spend.
     
    What can I do about this?  Is this going to become a bigger issue further down the road?  Has our relationship been fucked from the beginning since he seems to think it's okay not to make plans with me?
     
    I'm so conflicted.  Any advice would be appreciated.

     
  2. Give him an ultimatum, either he needs to get his shit together and control his high, or he needs more practice smoking so that he doesn't get as blazed.
     
  3. Why are you with this pathetic excuse of a man?
     
  4. If you want your relationship to work, communicate. Do it honestly, and make your point, but choose your words carefully. What you've told us is wonderful. Now that you've had a chance to gather and organize your thoughts, relay them to him.
     
    If you feel the relationship isn't worth it, then end it. Don't toy around with him.
     
  5. Damn, Let him know you saw a different side of him while he was high and it was unattractive to you, from what you're saying it seems like you're making more of an effort than he is, 6 months and no dates, a single meal, or anything? That's not right, I get he doesn't work but if he has money for bud then wtf...
    Really think about if you wanna be with the guy you just described, read your opening post to yourself again and you'll know, good luck :)
     
  6. Your revulsion at seeing your boyfriend reduced to a slobbering stone head is an age old phenomenon, just replace that experience with first seeing his enjoyment with farting or scratching his balls and you'll come to understand your mixed emotions. It isn't so much your "concern" with your newbie boyfriend's new love of the high life that is troubling you....first, let's analyse YOUR actions in this matter. When you learned your boyfriend was over at his flat, surrounded by " burly and macho" yet caring and sympathetic men ( their caring glances at your misfortune for dating a geeky, skinny newbie) you RACED over only to see your boyfriend BOGARTING the weed leaving you and the hunky, burly, macho , yet caring and sympathetic flatmates looking longingly at each other in silent acknowledgement.

    I summize that the main issue isn't so much your boyfriend's new found desire to get as high as a Condor but your uncomfortable feelings seeing him juxtaposed and contrasted against the more experienced, more muscular, more sympathetic, more "hunky and macho" room mates and your hormones are now at war with your head...A common malady of youth. So, it wasn't so much you were disgusted when you discovered your boyfriend farts (farts, Bogarts, doesn't matter..interchangeable for purposes of intellectual discussion)..It was your discovery that being comfortably high around a gang of burly, sympathetic, friendly macho men excited you and sparked some deep seated, hormonally driven desire in you to be ravaged, taken, touched and ultimately spent by these friendly giants while your giggling, drooling geeky boyfriend lay stupefied on a duvet over in the corner with his glasses askew. Am I right?
     
  7.  
    Haha, I suppose the fact that his flatmates have had more experience did have some bearing on my perception of him, but ultimately I chose my boyfriend because I'm more attracted to nerdy, scrawny guys.  But the main reason I mentioned that his flatmates are "macho" and more experienced is to suggest that my boyfriend may have been trying to keep up with them in order to fit in.  Before we started dating, he'd had no interest in drugs or alcohol of any kind, and I had a certain amount of respect for that.
     
    What was unattractive to me is, plain and simple, the way he behaved while high-and this is regardless of whoever else was in the room at the time.  And frankly, I'm a little put off by the idea that he would be so easily influenced into jumping headfirst into the culture after already having spent all 6 months of our relationship seemingly putting me on the back-burner.
     
  8. Well, what you are feeling, all joking aside is probably justified. I have seen those new to the culture just jump feet first in without a care in the world and it sometimes doesn't end well....but the good thing is, he WILL learn a lesson OR fail utterly. Being so high , so often is NEVER a good idea.
     
  9. Take this girls advice :) confront him and tell him how he made you feel.
     
  10. accept it.
    although the kegel exercise wont hurt
     
  11. choices..
     
    1. accept who he is and how he acts and deal with it.
     
    2. try and change who he is and how he acts so you feel less embarrassed for yourself when around him.
     
    3. date someone else.
     
  12. He's a freshman in college. Let him experience things. He is new to it. Let him figure out who he is and how he likes to have fun. If you dont like his new hobby, thats on you, you can accept it and enjoy your time with him, or you can chose this isnt the BF you wanted and cut him loose. But dont try to change him, or give him an ultimatum. Let him be who he is, and dont change yourself in the process.
     
  13. #14 101 BIG TEX 101, Mar 12, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 12, 2015
    My GF doesn't really like it when I smoke/vape some herb.....so, i just respectfully do it less often than I would on my own. She says i can get some every once in a while & she's right. I use it every 1-3 months for medical reasons then stop after a few weeks of it
     
    She's more important to me than being high/medicated all the time. I accept it & change my behavior
     
    I'm about to finish a 1/2 oz I recently got and my GF doesn't want me to get any for a while- I said ok- I can't afford a 1/4 of dank a week, every week anyway
     
    [​IMG]
     
  14. i say you print your original post and give it to him
     
    if he doesnt do anything about it move on.
     
  15. Definitely sounds like there is more to the problem than the pot. I'm sensing some resentment based on the way you mentioned his looks and his financial situation, and the fact that he doesn't take you on dates, etc. if you're already unhappy it will be hard to overlook yet another thing that brings you dissatisfaction.


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  16. So just cause he has some money to spend, he's gotta spend it on you?
    shit, i guess so....
     
    Im more interested in the stupid shit he said tho. Can you please elaborate?
     
  17. First of all there's nothing wrong with taking a monstrous hit of weed, it's not crack. Sorry but your BF does take a L for getting wasted on weed. Also, I think you might be a bit too worried. And regarding your relationship, I have no idea but if there was an issue between you guys it probably isn't the weed, it might be a bigger issue...don't get to clustered about anything


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  18. tl;dr: the word "flatmates" is used.
     
  19. Look, to be fair, as female, (not that it might matter even if I was a male), I can see and understand the turn off but to me, there are two things I think here that need to be done,
     
    Firstly, talk to him about it. Don't be brutal, but be honest and gentle and tell him how you feel. If he's new to smoking he might just need to slow his roll instead of trying to keep up just to impress people.
     
    Secondly, if you really have feelings for him, maybe just play it out a while longer. Things might change. People learn to handle their high the more they smoke and he might seem like less of a (for lack of a better word) dimwit to you. ;) But if it's truly a problem and you feel it interrupts the relationship then perhaps he's not the right person for you?
     
    I mean it's hard to say without being there and knowing either of you personally, but that's what I'm taking from what I read. Would be interested on an update though - let us know how you get on. I hope it all works out for you and you can find a happy medium if you truly care about this person. 
     

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