I Feel Like Im Observing My Own Life. I used to be in the "I Hate My Life" group, but i don't any more, my life is a great life, i fixed it, i have plenty of friends, i have lots to do, loads of hobbies, im learning to climb, juggle, shooting, poker, I graduated a few years ago and the City actually isn't as bad as i thought, its actually quite lovely. However, i still dont feel part of it all, i havent connected to any of my friends, we hang out, enjoy each other's company, but if they were all to decide to stop talking to me, i dont think i would be hurt at all, just annoyed that i would need to find more friends. Im not great at social situations, so i run through them in my head a lot, i practice them, and i have got very good at social situations, but where before i just couldn't participate, now i can pretty much fill in my friend's parts of the conversation, we never talk about anything interesting, and they never say anything unpredictable. I feel like im watching my life through glass (having glasses doesn't help alleviate this ) like everyone in it is just a 2D television character, and i have already read the script. Most of the time i know what they are gonna say before they say it. It feels real, but i feel separated from it. So even standing in the middle of a whole crowd of my friends, i feel alone.
Everyone and their grandmother is a god damn philosopher now a days. You are clearly very young, so stop smoking pot and get your shit together.
In all reality, all you can ever be, is an observer - an observer of your heart, your mind, your will. Appreciate the fact; and be just; and warm to those close to you and, even far from you. Everything has a reason - even if we may not be able to determine what that is; but know this, and hearken your ears... let it not be you that is the one who acts in neglect of their will (while observant of it); for your will can affect and, resonate within, your surroundings in a way that is not necessarily visible to (or within the capacity of) your eyes, friend. "Truth is subjectivity"
Viewing your reality through the filter of the ego mind is like watching a high definition feed on a black and white TV...you just can't see the simplicity and brilliance of it all. It's being watered down.. Your thoughts about "not feeling part of it all" are just thoughts that exist ONLY IN YOUR HEAD ALONE!!! It doesn't actually exist apart from your giving validity to it, no one else can actually see it because it's not real. Your here living life for you, you have no one to please. Life is amazing because it's the first time you've ever been alive and there's no promise it will ever happen again. If you feel alone or bored just simply look at your feet, then go all the way up your body until you get to your chest and eventually to your eyes/head area....and realize... YOUR FUCKING ALIVE DUDE!!! What could possibly be more amazing than that? Nothing has to happen for you to be/feel validated, that's all in your head. Look into Vipassana meditation.
Do you find the 'world' ? Or do You just find 'experience of the world' ? Do you find 'experience of the world' ? Or do 'You just find experience ? Do You 'find experience' ? Or is there just experience ?
You sound like me when I was 17. Now 24, life is an ongoing learning process...you have to like it, love it all. I have found there's a shit ton of things important in the process, managing your beliefs, especially your core beliefs is a big one. I used to judge myself as I was saying stuff, after I said stuff, judged what I was thinking and why, etc. I feel it's important to drop all judgements, yes, you are human, you will have them. But to live your life by and carry on thinking one way? Nah, stupid. I like what Louis c.k. said on a commercial that kept playing over " I've got a lot of beliefs....and I live my life by none of them" you may believe something but KNOW distinctly what are beliefs and what is truth. This alone is a big step. Filter out all your dumb lil beliefs "I'm not good enough to do X" "I'm can't go out with her she's sexy af" etc. They are there cuz your mind wants attention. to be constantly listened to. The conscious being knows this and silences mind, this brings an immense amount of creativity. Sorta rambled about my own thing but if you can relate and wanna go know, hit me here or PM !!
Also, check out my thread "conversations" I wrote out some shit that may pertain to how you feel about interactions. Lately I felt I've been lacking direction and I couldn't pin point it for a good couple days. And then realized I was just lacking love, I was giving out any, it was not a focal point of my interactions. Sure enough, feeling better haha, never stop looking for answers and go with your gut on what is right. While also remaining skeptical (not cynical!)
Nobody is here to be negative. Positive words, positive mind, positive heart. PS, I can relate to this post. Just because someone doesn't have full clarity on their life and is figuring things out for themselves doesn't mean they need to 'get their shit together' and op clearly posted that life is in fact pretty together for them. So this is part of finding yourself and not being out of control or unsorted. Shame on you for downing someone for talking about their feelings for somewhere they feel is a safe place to share. Were here for understanding and companionship. OP, i understand what you mean completely. Like youre sort of a bystander on ur on life. Like you were meant for something bigger or better and you don't belong here. I usually feel like some things missing. And the normal things don't usually work, hobbies friends activities... I still feel the same. I also have social anxiety and most of the time social settings are just... Uncomfortable for me. But keep thinking and keep questioning. Questions lead to answers and answers lead to peace. Knowledge is power. I hope you find your way and find a peaceful home inside yourself with your own happiness. I find solace in spontaneity. It keeps things alive and feeling like less of a 'cookie cutter' of an existence. Good luck my friend.
Some people are just brought into this world like that.. They feel separated, and there's a reason for that. So experience what you need to, if you don't like this thought or feeling then change it, find people that you can connect to, go out there and do that. But if you like this feeling of loneliness, and think it defines you, then keep living how you are.. Strive for happyneiss, because its the only thing that's important in the end. No matter who you are..
If you ever want to know what you are, I highly suggest you watch this video and go through the steps with an open mind. See what you actually are... but you have to want it to see it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYjI6gh9RxE
One thing to the OP You may be experiencing a sort of "crisis of the individual" (made up term for convenience in explaining). Without judgment, I see the apparent shift to heavier conformity than before in our recent history. The advent of the internet has changed mass media into a new form of thing. Now trends are a craze before most of its eventual adoptees/OGs/fanboys/undergrounders, etc have even heard of it, rebellion has shows and wikis, and the status quo has broken into many different, sometimes seemingly opposing parts, birthing a form of conormity many never notice, or spend their lives opposing...usually in the same manner as others A true individualist without interests, nor interests many of the masses share, but manifests the interest in non standard ways or degrees, or combinations. The strangeness cines inwgen you see people behave like stereotypes, or pop icons, or walking advertisements for companies, shoes, etc....to the point of complete non individuality I suggest you consider your situation a freedom....ine you may not have expected. One that takes discipline, integrity, and self love to survive unscathed, but ideal to the individual. Conformists aren't stupid or blind, as I've heard it claimed, only a strange version of what uniqueness is. There are introverts and introverts. Intuitive and logicians, and those who are unique and those who uniquely manifest the common or show what is unique by complete sameness. If you have all the colors, that means white and red, grey and some obscure color hue only an art major could identify. in short, if it makes you happy, use your wisdom to see it done well. If it is you, its wise to be or make yourself happy about it