Trapped in an abusive relationship

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by collapseofconsciousness, Jan 2, 2015.

  1. Hello GC :wave:
     
    Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, or goodnight, depending on where you live. :)
     
     
    I'm currently in an unhealthy relationship and I feel trapped. I've broken my  back trying to make it work but things are worse than ever and I know that the best option is to get out of it as soon as possible before anymore emotional attachment is formed, but I feel trapped and beaten down... I suppose I am just looking for some support. I wish I could make you all understand everything that has happened in the course of my one year relationship, but that would take me a long time. I could write a book on everything thats happened and how negatively it has effected me.
     
    My SO constantly puts me down.... saying that my mother is going to die soon and I will be left alone because my SO is going to leave me too.... and my SO says that she has done better than me and she can do better than me and she compares me to her ex's all of the time... so many things that are 10000000x more nasty and demeaning are said and messaged to me on a daily basis.
     
    I know that she is manipulative and controlling. I know that she is using me for fun. She is playing with my emotions and beating me down to feel better about herself. She controls every aspect of my life from who I talk to, what websites I go on, where I go and when I go there.
     
     
    I know that a lot of guys, and even girls are reading this and looking at me crazy right now thinking that I am stupid for letting a girl control me entirely, especially when I am so aware of it and when its on a daily basis... but I justify all of this by saying that I love her and I want to make it work so bad because I feel that at one point early on she loved me too. But now I don't know if any of it was ever real.
     
    She has destroys my confidence  and self esteem everyday and makes me feel worthless and undesirable so I feel kind of trapped. Even though I know I am a good, desirable person who could and should find somebody who treats me lie a human being. My SO tells me  often that I am going to be alone forever if i'm not with her and I know its not true I can find somebody else but when somebody calls you worthless everyday, it starts to seep into your mind and you start to believe it.
     
    She constantly says I am the problem and I need to change but I am sincere when I say that I dont ever attack her personally, or even argue or bring up anything. I try to always be in a good mood and happy and I am always loving and I am always clear to her that I love her. 
     
    She accuses me of cheating 24/7 and asks for reciepts when I go places and never takes my word for anything. But i have never cheated on her nor given her a reason to think I am so i dont know where all of this distrust stems from. I know that I shouldnt even think about anything she says or take any of it to heart because I feel like she is only playing games with me.
     
    I have lost a lot of weight and am looking pretty bad physically from the stress. I have a loop constantly going in my head of all the things she says to me.
     
    She'll text me paragraphs upon paragraphs of hateful messages everyday.
     
    I am a fool for staying in this relationship but I just want it to work so bad.. I just want to love and to be loved... I don't have any friends except for one... I have never been as close with anybody as I am with her... The relationship seems like it was good for a very short time in the beginning.. but now that I think about it.. it felt like she was being fake... she has also talked to other people while we were dating like her ex bf and guys on fb.... but I forgave it for it.
     
     
     
    I have justified all of these things by saying that I love her and when you love somebody you forgive them and accept them for who they are.... but I am in bad health .. both physically and mentally... as a result of this relationship..
     
    I've talked to a few people in person very briefly because I just needed to talk to somebody because I felt so low ... and they all advised me to get out of the relationship immediately. But I have ignored every bodys advice.. and stayed. and now I feel so low in confidence i feel like if she leaves I truly will be alone forever.
     
    I never knew a human being could treat another human being so poorly.. 
     
     

     
  2. Step put of your comfort zone and meet new people. Build a life for yourself that has no room for her. Slowly start separating yourself from her and one day just change your number and door locks if she has a key.

    If she keeps bothering you, get a restraining order.

    Move on. Starting today.
     
  3. You know what to do but are scared.  Only you can take that next step, time to nut up and make it happen.
     
    I'd rather be alone than that shit.
     
  4. If someone hasn't personally been in an abusive relationship, they will never understand how hard it is to just leave. It is the logical solution, yes, but with things like that, you are not behaving rationally. There may be moments of clarity where you think, "Yes, I can do this, I can leave," and then something happens and the s/o drags you back in. It is hard, and it is NEVER going to get better. I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship for a year. He would not let me talk to men, would force me to make my facebook profile picture of me and him, I wasn't allowed to hang out with people without him, would go through my phone, even admitted to sniffing my panties after I hung out with someone one to "see if they smelled like sex or if they had traces of cum in them". Like, yeah, creepy as fuck. The few times he did let me hang out with someone, he would time me when I left and when I returned and would make me record the entire hang out time on my phone. If the times didn't match up, he would get livid. He would regularly beat me, punch me in the head and face, etc. One time one of his friends told him I was "likely cheating" even though this dude didn't know me, and the ex hit me so hard that he knocked my front tooth loose. Even now, nearly two years later, I'm having to have a root canal because he killed the tooth. I eventually ended up cheating on him (yes, this was WRONG, but I didn't want to be with him and was scared for my life and the life of my family if I left him) with a guy who treated me right. Again, this was not right and I am not proud, but I did not want to be with this dude anymore, and I was too petrified to leave. Eventually he beat the shit out of me, I went to the cops, he was arrested, got 5 years probation and was not allowed to be near me. I've never felt better.
     
    That was a long paragraph, but I wanted to let you know that I understand. This girl is isolating you from your friends and making you feel alone; that is why you don't want to leave. You said you want to make it work, and that she is controlling who you talk to. This is why you feel like she's all you have, because she's manipulating you to think that. She wants you to think that without her you will have no one, because she wants to be able to treat you like shit and you do nothing about it. I lost all of my friends because I let my ex pull me away from them, and that's what she's doing to you. The fact of the matter is that without her, you WILL be better. If she's making you so stressed that you are physically suffering, you need to get out. It's hard, but it's true. Go somewhere away from her. Don't answer her calls or texts. Don't read them, if you can help it. See about getting her number blocked. It's hard, OP, probably one of the hardest things you will have to do because of the way she has manipulated you...but you need to do it, for yourself. It gets easier, after a while, and then you begin to wonder why you ever put up with it in the first place. You will stop missing her. You will member all of the awful things she said to you and maybe you'll start to hate her. Then you'll stop thinking about her. You'll make friends, meet someone new. You won't love her anymore, you won't hate her, you just won't let her effect your life at all anymore. You'll feel better, physically and mentally. You'll feel free.
     
    I am always, always, willing to talk to you. You can message me any time you need to. She is toxic, and you deserve so much better than her. No one deserves to be treated like that.  
     
  5. For christs sake...money should be the ONLY plausible excuse for not getting yourself in a better situation when you feel like this. Save up, steal, borrow and GTFO. Do it today.
     
  6. You need to have confidence in yourself first before anything. Once you are completely confident with yourself and who you are you won't need or maybe perhaps even want somebody else..it's really disgusting to know that you let her treat you like that, where's your pride man? You seriously just need to tell her that you don't want or need someone as shitty and pathetic as her in your life. Make HER feel like the piece of shit, let her know you can and will do better regardless if you get into another relationship. Walk out, block her number, cut all ties and communication. If she still lurks on you and harasses you just tell her you're not the garbage man and that it's not your job to walk her happy ass down to the dump or you will file charges for harassment and/or stalking. Get a restraining order if you have to. There's no love in this relationship OP. Trust me OP, I'm a master bullshiter and manipulator of sorts myself and can tell you she has your mind and emotions wrapped around her finger and she's fucking her ass with it, getting off. Sorry for this blunt post OP but it kills me to see a man try to stay with the person that castrated him. Good luck OP


    Wraaaap the night around me, blanket of black on my back, I feel safe in the darkness...
     
  7. Also, as an afterthought, I forgot to add...yes, you love people for who they are...unless who they are is hurting you and causing you distress. Love isn't an excuse to make yourself miserable, because you do not deserve that. She is intentionally destroying you, and that is not the type of person that you are expected to love. Everyone has flaws, but what she's doing is beyond that. It is 100% toxic. 
     
  8. Sounds to me like you stay in the relationship because you want to play the victim.  You know what to do and you know you have to do it.  The only thing stopping you is you.  Why?  What possible reason could you have to stay in that cesspool?  I don't believe for a second you feel she will change.  You know in your heart she never will.  You know this.  As long as you're in that abusive relationship you don't have to take responsibility or make choices.  I think your mom made all your choices for you until she came into the picture and now you're letting her be in control.  Your girlfriend is responsible for her actions but this situation is all on you.  
     
    I would tell you get out as soon as possible but you have your heels dug in and there is no persuading you.  All I can say is there will come a time when the pain of the problem will overcome the pain of the solution and you will make a choice.  What I'm fearful of is the amount of abuse you're taking is building up and being bottled up.  The pressure is going to build and build until you blow a gasket and someone is going to get hurt.  
     
    What I can do is direct you to this website - Safe Horizon  Here is the hotline number - 1.800.621.HOPE (4673)  Maybe they can talk some sense into you.  No one can help you until you're willing to help yourself.  I wish all the best for you.  Good luck. 
     
  9. Blah blah blah I am a victim blah blah blah. Normally I can read people's issues and not comment and or make it to the end without tearing up from boredom but seriously, grow a fucking pair. Male or femakr. This is just stupid
     
  10. I would jujitsu choke and fuck that bitch.
    On a searious note, dude join a mma gym, train and make no time for her, mma gyms are tight knit communities and you will certainly make friends. it will do wonder mentally, physically and emotionally.

    Best of luck homie
     
  11. I am sure you are very well aware of what you have to do. You said it yourself, it's not healthy, this destroys you. Fuck this shit and end it before she does more damage. I have been in a similar position although it was not a SO but friends who were all the time trying to put me down and crush me. This went on for a while until I cut them off and I ended up with severe depression which I am still struggling with. My point is you should end this as soon as possible. You are a fool for thinking this is true love which you feel for her. I fail to see how any human could really love someone like that unless you are masochistic. Maybe you love the sex with her or you love the idea of not being single, I don't know, but I highly doubt you love her. Open your eyes and end this shit, don't destroy yourself. Start some sport or something, you will not only get to meet new people but also rebuild your body after the weightloss. Or just start some hobby, you will surely meet some nice people to hang out with with similar interests and who knows, maybe you'll find a lovely new girl this way too. You are not going to be alone forever, that's bs...
     
  12. #12 I'm high as fuck!, Jan 4, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2015
    Guys I don't think OP is looking for advice, don't get me wrong I would give him the same advices you guys gave him but im pretty he is not here to get advice.
     
    OP doesn't exactly understands the gravity of the situation, the reason why things like this tend to happen is because of the care-free life a lot of us choose to live, OP should have put a stop to this when it started but no, he didn't care back then or better yet he chose to ignore her like nothing was wrong with the relationship, and now what he didn't consider a big deal has escalated to a whole new level.
     
    Let me be real with you, this is only going to get worse unless you decide to do something about it, let me put this in bold, MAN THE FUCK UP AND DONT LET A WOMAN DICTATE HOW YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LIVE YOUR LIFE. don't just sit down and let her bully you, the reason she is doing all this is because you seem like a dumbass, what kind of man sits down and let his woman do these kind of bullshit to him? it not that hard, sometimes you have to FRICKING RAISE YOUR VOICE AND BE THE MAN YOUR SUPPOSE TO BE.
     
    Do you think she would still continue to pressure you if you had taken you skirts of and put on some jeans?
     
  13. Let me ask you one question, if you were treating her in the manner in which she is treating you right now, and one day she snaps would you continue to treat her in that bullshit manner?
     
  14.  
    Since all that rational advice has been dolled out, I'll throw out some irrational advice 
     
    You don't want her to leave, even though she is a total cunt that puts you down all the time, so heres what you do. You mix in some Nair into her shampoo, not a whole lot just enough to start taking effect slowly after a few uses. When she falls asleep, slowly massage some bacon grease onto her face and chest, and since she's asleep and we're doing stuff  also put on some bleaching cream in random places on her arms and legs, to achieve that blotchy affect.
    After a few weeks, she's going to look like a hot mess, and then you can be like "MAN your fugly! Nobody wants you!" and start chipping away at her confidence that way. Then you two can live happily ever after firmly planted in fear of loneliness. 
     
    OR if you want to get rid of her but you're not too sure how to leave or if you can leave, then you need to monkey it. Basically, don't let go of one branch until you latch firmly onto another, and you're going to look for a big strong branch. Like, the type of branch that will crack that bitch in the face. You can probably find such a branch on any of the various online dating sites, big branches are easy to find. Then you grab that branch, swing away, and hang out there for awhile until you build yourself up a bit and are able to go swinging around. 
     
    I would probably figure out what my rights are legally and take what belongs to me and leave. You come into this world alone, you're going to leave this world alone, you need to trust yourself and be comfortable with yourself, by yourself.  I think that is where a lot of this willingness to put up with that sort of treatment comes from, that fear of being alone. Whats wrong with being alone? Do you not like yourself? You spend the most time with yourself out of anybody, you should really learn to like yourself and make yourself happy. If something is wrong or there is something you don't like, you fix it, work on it, make it better.  Eventually you will meet someone that cares about making you happy too, and if not, at least your in good company. 
     
  15. And you're not going to be alone, if you were undesirable she wouldn't be with you and you would already be alone.
     
    I'd rather be alone than to get stuck in your kind of relationship.
     
  16. Hunny I know how an abusive partner can make you feel like you need them, and without them you won't ever amount to anything, and you'll be alone forever. But I'm telling you, it's just not true. Please leave this toxic relationship. It's no good for you. And you really are better off without her. 
     
    I've been there and I'm telling you. It's not worth it, to allow yourself to be treated this way. I know you feel like you can't make it without her, and that your life will fall apart. I know you're afraid to lose her. But with her, you don't actually have anything. She's never going to give you what you need out of a relationship, or treat you right. People like that aren't going to change. Some people are just awful. It's nothing you did or didn't do. 
     
    Get out man. 
     
  17. Dude find your balls and walk away from this toxic person.


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  18. Please end it with this girl, man. You'd be better off having nothing to do with her. You're gonna drive yourself insane trying to make it work with her. Good people do not treat other people like that, especially significant others. It sounds like she has massive issues in her life, and they are affecting you. Please get out of there. 
     
  19. I was in a relationship like this once.. Just be honest with her and get out. Once I realized how a I should be treated I laughed at it now but you'll be alright I thought it was love but now totally mistaken leave the chick my friend it'll be a new you!


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  20. I get what you are saying but men can also go through abuse in relationships as well. Op really needs to leave the relationship period. Luckily, only a year of this bullshit was going on. I know people who deal with the same shit years and years on end.
     

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