Might be fucked up sexually?

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by Madhouse, Dec 20, 2014.

  1. Ok, so the title may have been meant to pull a crowd, but seriously, I'm curious about something.

    I'm 20 years old, and I've only had sex one time.

    That may not seem too strange (or maybe it's fuckin weird as shit and I'm like a goddamn leper Or something), but the circumstances around it make it feel like it "didn't count", maybe?

    K, so I'm going on a road trip with my brother a couple years ago. Through Colorado, up in the mountains, taking a bike to be shipped to Europe, and it's a few days before my 18th birthday. Near the start I mention, in an incredible display of false bravado that "I wanna get LAID on this trip." My brother thinks for a minute, then says "I might be able to help with that."

    We take care of business, and he tells me he's got a "friend of his" that he's going to introduce me to when we get back. I'm like "Cryptic, dude", and he spills. Apparently he is someone that calls upon the services of high-class escorts, the ones that are 4-500 an hour, and he's been planning this since before we left for my birthday. Tells me he was gonna have her come up to me at a bar or somewhere and take me home.

    Course I'm thinking "Why the fuck didn't you just do that instead of saying anything?", but whatever. So we stop at a full-nude strip joint (none in our state) on the way there, and I get a stripper to blow me by telling her I was a virgin. I'm not complaining about the experience, but noon shift in Kansas on a Tuesday is not exactly their best and brightest.

    Anyway, we get home, and he tells me we're going over to her place the next day, and to get cleaned up. I do, several times, and I look good. We get to her place and we all chat a few minutes (which was fucking weird by the way, my goddamn brother somehow managed to work Hitler into the conversation), and she looks over all sly at me and says "Hey, you wanna maybe come back to my room?" and I look at him with my Get-the-fuck-out face and he leaves.

    WARNING: This next section is going to be rather explicit, as it includes me bragging about my only sexual exploit, so I may carry on a bit.

    So she takes me back to her room, and she's got this dim lighting and a down comforter and she just strips and hops into bed and pats the spot next to her. Now, as I'm a relatively intelligent man, I recognized this as "the signal". I was wearing nothing but my glasses in no time flat, and when she began to angle her ass bet my face, I launched those towards the wall.

    This girl blew my fuckin mind (amongst other things). She told me I was a natural and that I made her cum and gave me her number. I'm realistic enough to realize that was all just her trying to be nice, and that's cool, but here's the question:

    Am I fucked sexually? I've been somewhat more outgoing since then, but the only girl I've dated alternated between telling me she wasn't ready for a relationship and kissing me in the kitchen, and things sort've tapered off from there. I'm wondering if maybe this has created some sort of complex? Like maybe I subconsciously think the only girls who'll fuck me would have to be paid to do it? Could be.

    Anyway, just needed to write that out more than anything else, as I can't tell many about my brother hiring an escort for me. Curious on your thoughts, blades.

    Oh, and if you read all that, you're a fucking champ, and you deserve all of the gold stars.
     
  2. yeah I read it all, 4/5 stars. could've gone into more detail about the girl.

    what's wrong since then? you're nervous? shy?
     
  3. Just go fuck someone man. There's literally girls that like to have sex just to have sex everywhere you go. You just gotta put in a little effort.


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  4. Oh, you want gratuitous? I can do that. She was about 5'5", with darkish blonde hair, and she was built like a cheerleader. Just all, so...perky. Bubbly personality. Ohhh, and she was wearing this super thin tank top with no bra while we were talking before, and this is weird but I'm so serious you guys, she had the cutest butthole. She asked what I wanted and I stammered out "69", so she got in position, and you know what? Not into anal now, I don't think. Don't think I could put my dick in something that cute. Be like defiling it. Whatever.

    She basically did everything I had ever thought of, exception' the darker shit, obviously. Position run-down doesn't seem classy, though, and I strive for class.

    But yeah, nervous, anxious whenever I'm in public, and it actually seems somewhat worse since the last couple years. But then again, I spent four years out of school (since 16) working my ass off for nowhere near enough, so I haven't really had any opportunities to even figure out what the fuck it is I wanna do. Hell, who I am.

    Umm, lost track. I'm pretty high , lol. Yeah, shit around girls, no confidence. I'm brilliant around my friends, but I must seem super boring around other people. Like I said, only dated one girl since then, and I got further with her than any of the girl in high school, but that tapered off when we both moved. She was geeky and self-conscious too, though, so I might've just needed time.

    Fuck me, in rambling. Heheh, rimshot. But yeah, you dudes are great. Can't believe anyone stoned has the attention span to read these walls of text. It's taken me two hours to type this, lmao.
     
  5. Ok, fuck, I know double posting'll put people off it, but I didn't explain shit in the last one.

    I am shite around girls. I can't make eye contact with anyone, my mind goes fuckin blank, which is a goddamn nuisance, considering my intelligence, and I end up all long pauses and awkward laughter. Introducing myself is almost impossible and it took me two hours to ask for a number last time (yeah, I do NOT pick up on subtle clues). I'm oblivious.
     
  6. #6 BloodBooger, Dec 20, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 20, 2014
    Thats gotta be the most pathetic stoner porn I've read in a while...not even enough to rate half a boner....so boring Id rather go to a Barry Manilow concert with my sister than sit through another one like that.....dude....that was shit....sorry....and I mean that in the most respectful way possible....with all due respect...lol
     
  7. What makes it stoner porn? Didn't say anything about smoking with her or anything. And you'll pardon me, but this wasn't meant to arouse you. It's a question, not literotica. I've tried my hand, and if I went full bore, you'd cream your fucking jeans.
     
  8. Also, what's with calling me pathetic, dude? I'm pretty well aware that I'm not the most daring of souls, nor am I super experienced. Hence WHY I POSTED THIS HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE. But whatever. That's just, like, your opinion, man.
     
  9. lol she had a cute bhole and I didn't wanna defile it lmao that's gold
     
  10. #10 BloodBooger, Dec 21, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 21, 2014
    Bonus points for the 1970's teenage sexual reference "cream in your jeans" lmao....haven't heard that one since 1976....props to ya. But yer still givin me " the blue balls" .
     
  11. I feel like I've seen this thread before. You should've defiled her butthole.
     
  12. Hahahahaha


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  13. I might be an asshole, but I never called YOU pathetic...I called your half assed Penthouse confession pathetic...no reflection on you dude...yer just not that sexually stimulating....you sound like a really nice guy...just not a natural Bob Guccioni.
     
  14. You...know more about erotic writers than I do. I will give you that. And thanks for the props, I thought it was a good one, too.
    And the butthole thing? Shits true. I know it's fuckin sappy and strange, but goddamn if it wasn't the cutest little thing I've ever seen. Like I'd be an asshoke if I fucked her in the asshole.

    It's all true. My life is weird. I just wanted to tell somebody all this, really.

    And c'mon man, give me some credit. If I was to go all "Dear Penthouse Forum", I'd do better than that.
     
  15. you just think too much. stop overthinking and problem solved
     
  16. #16 BLUZero, Dec 21, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 21, 2014
    No, you're not weird cause you've had sex once by age 20. Sex before adulthood was uncommon and frowned upon in most developed nations prior to the 1900's, the main difference being that people feel less guilty about sex nowadays. Back in the olden days, unless you had a secret mistress, you generally only ever fucked your wife (and not the other way around because of gender roles), and not very often at that.
     
  17. Im not even high, and I'm ctfu... You're so concise, sorry, Attack on Titan is on...

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  18. #18 sammyjohollywood, Dec 21, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 21, 2014
    Your not fucked man, just don't turn into one of those freaky clingy dudes that carry around pocket pussys in special cases and are addicted to porn.
    Make sure you take showers and wear deodorant, cologne, brush ur teeth, clean good fitting clothes that ain't dorky and do something with ur hair. You'll get laid
     
  19. Nothing's more condescending than repeatedly stating how intelligent you are, amigo.

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  20. Perky bubbly cheerleader types gives me warm boners mmmmm
     

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