Not sure this is the place to post but my grandmother has 3 kids, two daughters and a son. Her oldest daughter (we'll call her Sally) lives a state away from her (about a 45 minute drive) in a trailer that shes been in for 10+ years. Sally used to have her own dog grooming business making good money until she found her current boyfriend. Her boyfriend is nothing but a worthless drunk who is unemployed and drinks from the crack of dawn. Constantly taking money from Sally's ssi card. Sally always asks my mom for rides to and from doctor appointments (an even further drive from her house) and coming up to our state to groom a dog or two a week and make about $100. Eventually my mom decided to refuse to give her rides (yay!). So now Sally has turned to her mom (grandma) for rides, money, etc. She heads down there every week to take her grocery shopping (she buys her food for her as well), for grooming dogs back up where we live + 20 more minutes. Basically she's in the car all day when she goes to pick her up. We're talking 50 miles to the doctor, about 50 to take her to groom two or three dogs. She's basically using my grandmother for all of what she has. She's basically paying for Sally to live. And now Sally has two new people living with her (don;t pay anything) and it's obvious to my mom that it's her drug dealer (h, rock, coke-a-cola, whatever) and whenever my aunt "borrows" money to "pay her electricity bill RIGHT NOW" we're more than sure it's for her drug habit. She's just a fucking leach to everyone (except me and now my mom) and it's irritating me and everyone else in our family (sister, uncle, etc) and my grandma just doesn't see it. She's so blind to what her daughters doing to her. I've tried talking to her about just telling her no but she keeps on helping her out. Why help someone if they wont help themselves? Both sally and her boyfriend don't have a job and don't even attempt to find one. Sally has a service for her doctors for free rides but doesn't even take advantage of it. My grandmother and uncle both have purchased cars for her over the years and they all end up wrecked by Sallys drunk of a boyfriend whom she "loves so much and cant live without" and the next day its "i hate him hes so worthless i don't want him in my house anymore" She's a damn tool and everyone knows it. My grandma from time to time will complain about how much she bitches and complains and brings up a lot of this but STILL, continues to do things for her. And her only answer, while I completely understand, is "because she's my daughter." The way I see it, it's going to keep going on like this until one of them passes. It's so heart breaking and it's even worse knowing that my grandma will probably keep it up for the rest of her and her daughters lives. I just wish I could shed some light on her to make her change her mind. She has recently, though, been refusing to give her extra money because she simply can't. But then she still drives her around. It; s so....idk so much emotions and everything. I don't know what to do but I feel like I have to do something. I feel like I'm the one closest to her and after my grandfather passed I feel like I'm the one she looks to as her "husband" but I feel so powerless. I wish she would just drop all communication with her all together for a while until she can get her shit together. But I don't see thta ever happening. She's a worthless money sucking parasite, debbie downer, whatever you wish to call her. How can I try and get my grandmother to start not helping her so much? I know she won't completley disown her, but FUCK she can start saying no to a few things. She's waisting her own time, emotions, and money for this drug addicted drunk, leech and it's so hard to watch and not get angry and upset. /rant....help/adivce is appreciated and needed!!!
Family man! Don't know what advice to give mate,other than as long as she continues her relationship with this guy it will prolly continue. Sent from my SM-T210 using Grasscity Forum mobile app
You can't help, just accept your relatives for what they are. You've had your say, now drop it until Granny comes to you asking for advise. You probably think if you could just frame it properly she'd understand but it don't work that way. Look at all the arguments in GC, how many people do you see changing their opinions?
^^yeah pretty much that. Maybe as kinda a last try to convince her just say driving your aunt everywhere and giving her money isn't helping her it's only enabling her and her problems. Tell her that her money would be better spent getting your aunt help and rehab or something.
I would sit down and explain to your grandmother exactly what u told us minus the cursing. It may be hard to do and will hurt a bit but it is for the best. Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
I just hope that soon enough she will realize what is going on and put a stop to it. I don't want to push her into anything but I do want what's best for her. That should be being taken care of and not taking care of others still. She's in her 70's, she needs a damn break! My grandmother is not one to speak her mind. She'll leave problems of hers go untold and emotional problems under the covers. I usually become her messenger when she wants something done. So I guess I will just have to wait and hope she comes to me for advice soon. I may discuss the subject with her one more time and hope that it's enough to get things turned around. We all agree that her boyfriend is the problem and not her, but man, I think my aunts whole life is the problem!
Pretty much sums it up. Sounds like she's a mother that loves her daughter. She also probably doesn't want to do something to loose the relationship she has, even if it isn't a healthy one (and she may even know this but persist anyway). I'm young so I can't speak from experience, but I imagine once you're up there in years, it gets harder and harder to turn away from someone even if you know it's the right thing to do. Kinda hard to call the pitch from out in left field, but I'd guess your best bet is to show your grandmother that what she's doing isn't actually helping her daughter, but in fact hurting her.
I think what it's going to take is for my grandmother to walk in on my aunt using. That might just do it.