Need some help from stoned minds

I am married, have three beautiful baby boys....happily married...BUT, I didnt marry the first girl I truely truely loved with ALL of my soul and being.....nor the second.....ours were lopsided relationships that provided me with not near enough of what I needed...obsessive, all encompassing love...I felt it for them,,would have given all, did give all..but that need in me created problems which always wrecked the relationship...after two hearbreaks of monumental proportion...I cruised through several decades of just playing around till finding a beautiful, no nonsense, straightfowrard woman who wanted to marry, have children and settle....I followed suit ...no love involved...just mutual appreciation, attraction, respect...far far far removed from the absolute overpowering love I had felt for those two great loves of my life......THEN, I held my baby son in my arms and discovered that "true unconditional love" could never be found in a mate...only in my children...the relationship I share with My partner is an adult one based on mutual need and respect and understanding....a much more solid rock of foundation than that obsessive, needy idea of love that I experienced with several others in an earlier life. Dont get me wrong, I STILL dream of being with my true loves...but even in my dreams, I can feel it is never mutual.....whereas the love my children and I share transcends time and only gets better. If I had had a single success where I had once failed earlier, I would not be in this position today surrounded by the love of my children...and those misfortunes of love led me directly to the life I now share with my true loves...my boys.

 

I suppose "all of that" is a way of me telling you....don't fear your misfortunes of love....you cannot forsee the future and even if you never marry or partner with "your true love" REAL love will find you oneday....and they will give back to you all the love you give.

 

 
On and off for a year is not long term.  You really haven't invested that much time into the relationship.  He cheated on you.  You don't feel the same way you did before that happened and I don't think you ever will.  Move on.  I agree with BloodBooger about "true love".   It's a fantasy.  Love is something that has to be worked at and constantly maintained.   The most cherished and deep relationships happen when you find a friend in your partner.  Someone that compliments you and has strengths where you are weak.  It's about supporting one another and being compatible.  
 
The best relationships last the longest when you not only love the person you're with but actually like them.  Someone you like to hang out with and be yourself.  The man you're with now doesn't seem to be that person in my opinion.  Why are you wasting time with this guy?  You can do better.  You deserve better.   

 

You don't ask yourself  "Can I spend the rest of my life with this person?"
 
You ask yourself  "Can I spend the rest of my life without this person?"
 
I found that helped me know when the right one was the right one.
 
I also hold a stead-fast policy that you do NOT get back together with an ex unless the original reasons why you broke up are no longer an issue. I find about 99.99% of the time, the ex's don't change. Only your willingness to put yourself through that again does.
 
 
Other then that, I don't know man. Love is a fickle thing, and what it means to you and what you need in your life is probably very different then me.  Just make sure that when you do find him, don't fuck it up.

 

So if we're not stoned we can't offer advice? 

 

 

 
You seem like a good parent. 
Much respect.